Step 1

[wingedcatgirl]

Step 5: It doesn't, because you live in a hell nation (the USA). Decide that this cannot stand.

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

Step 6: Board a rocket ship and go to space.

[josh6243]

Step 7: The moon comes to life and beats the tar out of you and your rocketship.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Step 8: Go to Mars and hope the life forms there treat you with respect.

[Florien]

Step 9: Discover mars has no life and terraform venus instead.

[Superjohn 2.0]

Step 10:create wildlife for terraformed Venus using MAD SCIENCE!

[AyyBee121]

Step 11: Realize, to your horror, that they plan to overthrow you.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Step 12: Buy a Death Star and use it to blow up Venus.

[Superjohn 2.0]

Step 13: takes the planet remants and construct a supervillain base.

This was "how to make your villain lair".

[Zanreo]

Step 1: Make a cup of tea

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Step 2: Invite people over for the tea party.

[Florien]

Step 3: repeat steps 1 and 2 for your natural and unnatural lifespan.

[wingedcatgirl]

Step 4: Realize you forgot to get an unnatural lifespan, which is kinda an important part of fulfilling step 3, and resolve to resolve this oversight immediately.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Step 5: Become a vampire

[MadameButterflyKnife]

step 6: buy a castle for your vampires aesthetic

[Superjohn 2.0]

Step 7: invite a random British dude and try to recreate the plot of Dracula.

[AyyBee121]

Step 8: Remember that Dracula dies in the book, realizing you didn't think things through.

[MadameButterflyKnife]

step 9: seduce that random british dude in an attempt to derail the plot of dracula

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

step 10: Go on your vampire spree

[Superjohn 2.0]

step 11: kill Van Hellsing.

[Florien]

Step 12: Kill Sedan Helsing, Pickup Truck Helsing, Big Rig Helsing, Hatchback Helsing, Bug Helsing, SUV Helsing, and Minivan Helsing while you're at it. No more Helsings.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Step 13: Take over the Ford Motor Company.

And that was "How to Get a Head-start as a Businessman Vampire"

[MadameButterflyKnife]

Step 1: Eat some raw bone marrow.

[Superjohn 2.0]

Step 2: dispose of the body in a way that doesn't alert authorities.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Step 3: Deny that you ever knew that person