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[Magolor]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help.
Go out and busk! It's just a bass performance, so maybe not as many will wanna join Joe's movement. After that, ask them if they're willing to help save a kidnapping victim. Load everyone with some smoke grenades, bulletproof vests, and a ton of BB guns.
2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.
Well, that's easy. Speak in gratuitous faux French, sil vou plais, and mention shelter and deal in English. They'll certainly, uh, lead him right to base. Call back to the crew and tell 'em how to get there.
3. Fight your way through and kill as many as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.
Distract the ones at any on-ground location with epic bass playing!!! Mention you're taking a break, then meet up with the crew. If they, I dunno, follow you to the bathroom? complain about privacy or something. In "French". After that, smoke grenade the whole dang battalion!!! Knock them out with a few pellets to the stomach, sacré bleu, and come right at where the guards are coming from.
4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.
A transport vehicle (probably just a truck, the one the crew came over in the first place for) should do nicely. Not bulletproof, but eh. Surround the girl!!!
5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.
I think this should suffice as such. If it's not... toss as much of the garbage as possible at the front door.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help.
Go out and busk! It's just a bass performance, so maybe not as many will wanna join Joe's movement. After that, ask them if they're willing to help save a kidnapping victim. Load everyone with some smoke grenades, bulletproof vests, and a ton of BB guns.
2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.
Well, that's easy. Speak in gratuitous faux French, sil vou plais, and mention shelter and deal in English. They'll certainly, uh, lead him right to base. Call back to the crew and tell 'em how to get there.
3. Fight your way through and kill as many as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.
Distract the ones at any on-ground location with epic bass playing!!! Mention you're taking a break, then meet up with the crew. If they, I dunno, follow you to the bathroom? complain about privacy or something. In "French". After that, smoke grenade the whole dang battalion!!! Knock them out with a few pellets to the stomach, sacré bleu, and come right at where the guards are coming from.
4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.
A transport vehicle (probably just a truck, the one the crew came over in the first place for) should do nicely. Not bulletproof, but eh. Surround the girl!!!
5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.
I think this should suffice as such. If it's not... toss as much of the garbage as possible at the front door.

Joe has rolled a 6, 9, 10, 2 and 5 for a total of 32 points.

1.      Listening to your bass skills and hearing about poor Felicity, you do manage to gain a decent amount of sympathetic people who will join you all in rescuing her. You manage to get them all armed with BB gus, smoke grenades and bulletproof vests. Pretty bold choice to take more pacifistic ways for dangerous foes like them. But maybe it will be crazy enough to work.

2.      Your faux French has really paid off well for you. They give you all croissants (HON HON HON) and you are taken to the base real quickly. They certainly look up to you as a hero. Maybe you might have been onto something.

3.      Your bass-playing is so epic, it not only attracts the Russian mafia, but also fans of yours from all over Crunch City. You end up performing a huge concert for them. And as you go into the bathroom, all the fans, with a good number of them not being Russians, hound you, bringing you way too much unneeded attention. At last, you have not choice but to drop the smoke grenades to stun them all and even have to fight your way through with the BB guns. You probably lost as many fans as you gained through these actions. But what choice did you have?

4.      You can't find a van or any kind of vehicle whatsoever? How is this possible in the city? All you can do is walk her home and that takes you quite a bit of time to do so. The Russians are now fed up with you and want you dead.

5.      You grab a good number of garbage bags and throw them at their base. They are all greatly pissed off. You made a huge mess! And they have to clean it up! You showed them, I guess?

[MadameButterflyKnife]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help

Chili tries to get the tank to work. Again. She also tries to enlist the help of the underlings that helped her back in that (really. really) successful bank heist. She then grabs as much flashy distractions as she can. Flash bombs, fireworks, grenades, machine guns, everything she can. Also a bulletproof vest. Just in case. Take the tank and a sports car.

2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.

You've got bugs, right? The listening type. Not the insect type. Anyways, plant them all around Little Russia. Listen in on details and tips. Also, ask around the bars the Russian mob frequents. And grab a drink. Swear to the witches, she could use one right now.

3. Fight your way through and kill as many of as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.

Alright. So divide your crew. Half your crew's gonna burst in and unleash hell. Throwing grenades, shooting the place up, using the FUCKING TANK. Man. She's been dying to use that for days. Raise all hell on those Russian fucks.

4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.

The other half of your crew's gonna use the distraction to grab Felicity. Bring her to the sports car and drive like hell back to your mansion. And she's back right in your arms or whatever.

5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.

Drive the tank into one of their main bases as well. Or any sort of car, really. Bomb the place out, shoot it up, and steal as much as you can. And then, drive back home and appreciate these goods!

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help

Chili tries to get the tank to work. Again. She also tries to enlist the help of the underlings that helped her back in that (really. really) successful bank heist. She then grabs as much flashy distractions as she can. Flash bombs, fireworks, grenades, machine guns, everything she can. Also a bulletproof vest. Just in case. Take the tank and a sports car.

2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.

You've got bugs, right? The listening type. Not the insect type. Anyways, plant them all around Little Russia. Listen in on details and tips. Also, ask around the bars the Russian mob frequents. And grab a drink. Swear to the witches, she could use one right now.

3. Fight your way through and kill as many of as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.

Alright. So divide your crew. Half your crew's gonna burst in and unleash hell. Throwing grenades, shooting the place up, using the FUCKING TANK. Man. She's been dying to use that for days. Raise all hell on those Russian fucks.

4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.

The other half of your crew's gonna use the distraction to grab Felicity. Bring her to the sports car and drive like hell back to your mansion. And she's back right in your arms or whatever.

5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.

Drive the tank into one of their main bases as well. Or any sort of car, really. Bomb the place out, shoot it up, and steal as much as you can. And then, drive back home and appreciate these goods!

Chili has rolled an 8, 2, 5, 3 and 2 for a total of 20 points.

1.      You manage to get the tank working again. Horray! And you even get the crew back from the jewelry heist too. You manage to arm yourselves well with all the explosives and weaponry you can find and get a nice sports car handy too. You and the crew are ready for action.

2.      You do bug all of Little Russia, but not a damn one of them work. As you listen to them all, you get this loud, crackling sound that's nearly deafening. Guess you'll have to scout around until you find where she's being kept.

3.      You and the crew go to war against the Russian Mafia, and you come in on your tank. But even with it though, it's still a hard fought battle where some of your people do die. It didn't come easy, but you did win in the end.

4.      The Mafia isn't that distracted by your crew as you get Felicity in your sports car. You all end up in a car chase throughout the city, where cops even join in on the chase too. The Russians catch up with you and take her back right before the police arrive and a major gunfight ensues. You decide to drive away, deciding it's not worth the fight.

5.      And this time, as you approach the base with your tank, they were waiting for you. They set up mines around the base. And as your drive to there, the mines explode, disabling the tank…. Again. And the Russians are marching toward you ready to kill. You manage to find a car and drive away so you can retreat. That promising start reuniting you with the crew all for naught.

[TalesofUnder]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help.
Soseki arms himself and all his Shakespeare goons with bombs that look like the skulls from Hamlet, and squirt guns that shoot contact nerve poison. Oh, and some boring monologues, too.

2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.
Four words: Eenie Meenie Miney Moe. Luckily, Soseki lands on the Totally Not The Russian Mafia Base No Really We Just Sell Matyroshka Dolls.

3. Fight your way through and kill as many as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.
Soseki's goons burst in guns blazing, attempting to penetrate the armor of the goons (who all wear matyroshka outfits because... I don't fucking know) with their bombs and then shooting the poison. They recite monologues so boring at the remaining goons that they die of falling asleep.

4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.
Soseki Secures the Subject, Safe and Sound, and calls on Slick Eddie to get a ride back to the mansion.

5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.
When the Russian Mafia return to one of their bases, they find an odd piece of graffiti saying “Soseki Solemnly Stakes this Spot! (P.S. The base is filled with poisonous gas.)” And what do you know? It was.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help.
Soseki arms himself and all his Shakespeare goons with bombs that look like the skulls from Hamlet, and squirt guns that shoot contact nerve poison. Oh, and some boring monologues, too.

2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.
Four words: Eenie Meenie Miney Moe. Luckily, Soseki lands on the Totally Not The Russian Mafia Base No Really We Just Sell Matyroshka Dolls.

3. Fight your way through and kill as many as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.
Soseki's goons burst in guns blazing, attempting to penetrate the armor of the goons (who all wear matyroshka outfits because... I don't fucking know) with their bombs and then shooting the poison. They recite monologues so boring at the remaining goons that they die of falling asleep.

4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.
Soseki Secures the Subject, Safe and Sound, and calls on Slick Eddie to get a ride back to the mansion.

5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.
When the Russian Mafia return to one of their bases, they find an odd piece of graffiti saying “Soseki Solemnly Stakes this Spot! (P.S. The base is filled with poisonous gas.)” And what do you know? It was.

Soseki has rolled a 7, 9, 3, 4 and 2 for a total of 25 points.

1.      You manage to secure you and the Shakespeare goons with skull bombs and the poison squirt guns and some decently boring monologues. You and you people are prepared for battle. To be or not to be? Not to be, you get ready to tell the Russians.

2.      And you do indeed land on the “Totally Not The Russian Mafia Base No Really We Just Sell Matyroshka Dolls” store. And not only are you not fooled by it, you managed to convince everyone in town it's not a legitimate store either. It gets the attention of everyone, who get angry they don't have a place to shop for Matyroshka dolls and raid the place and start the riot. You successfully ruined their front as you head inside with your goons.

3.      But yeah, they are all armed with their own weaponry and have masks on and special suits that protect themselves from the poison. And the monologues isn't really phasing them either. If anything, if they weren't trying to kill you, they are slightly interesting in the thespian skills you all bring to these.

4.      You still have to evade the Russians, but you do find Felicia and escort her out. Slick Eddie takes his sweet ass time to get there, so you both have to evade the Russians. But he does get there and you manage to get her back to Carmello safe and sound.

5.      The Russians, still having their masks on, see the graffiti. And they also see you too, gagging to death on the poison gas. Should have worn a mask there, pal. But they come after you and fire at you before you hitch a ride on the ambulance to be treated for poisoning. You make it out without having to go into the ICU, but that certainly could have gone way better.

[artsyGeek]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help.
Easy peasy. Arm yourself with both ranged and melee weapons, as well as grab yourself a goon or two for the job.
2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.
Disguises. Pose as . . Anything that's not related to our mafia, ask a couple of seemingly innocuous questions to the Russian goons (both about Felicity and about base-related things) and hope to some holy being out there that they don't notice who we really are.
3. Fight your way through and kill as many as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.
All-out weapon attack. That is all.
4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.
Get her the fuck out of there via. . A public transport.
I'm going to regret this choice one way or another. I could feel it from kilometres away.
5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.
Sneak attack your way to the base.
And blow it to smithereens by either fire, a bomb, or both, if we're in the mood somehow.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

1. Arm yourself well and/or find an army to help.
Easy peasy. Arm yourself with both ranged and melee weapons, as well as grab yourself a goon or two for the job.
2. Find out where Felicity is being kept.
Disguises. Pose as . . Anything that's not related to our mafia, ask a couple of seemingly innocuous questions to the Russian goons (both about Felicity and about base-related things) and hope to some holy being out there that they don't notice who we really are.
3. Fight your way through and kill as many as those Russian Mafia members as you can that are holding her hostage.
All-out weapon attack. That is all.
4. Rescue Felicity and bring her back to my mansion safe and sound.
Get her the fuck out of there via. . A public transport.
I'm going to regret this choice one way or another. I could feel it from kilometres away.
5. Get the Russian Mafia back by raiding one of their own main bases.
Sneak attack your way to the base.
And blow it to smithereens by either fire, a bomb, or both, if we're in the mood somehow.

Alto has rolled a 5, 6, 2, 7 and 3 for a total of 23 points.

1.      You managed to secure yourself a pistol and a sword, as well as bringing in one goon to go along with you on the mission.

2.      You manage to disguise yourself as a tacky-looking tourist, wearing a derby hat, a Hawaiian shirt and some shorts. The Russians are a bit put off by you, but it's more of them being turned off by “those damn tourists”, but one loose-lipped Russian does spill the beans on where Felicity is. Off you go, “to take some pictures” of the city and the area.

3.      Your weapons fail you. You forgot to bring some ammo for your gun and the knife you took along couldn't cut cheese, let alone cut a bitch. You are in over your head and so is your goon. All you can do is retreat from battle and hope you can rescue Felicity.

4.      Thankfully, you do. You take her and quickly make your escape and find a bus that just arrived on time. It may not be the most pretty way to get her out of the area, but you do and she's safe in Carmello's arms.

5.      You do leave a bomb, but you are quickly spotted and they chase you off the property. They manage to disarm the bomb, with no other threats to their base.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

And time's up for the challenge. No one has came in to replace…. Pizzabug. And Sho didn't do it today, so he'll miss out on his pay. However, the one who did the best work is Joe Miller. So congratulations to you. You'll receive the top pay for the night. Now I got something to show you all.

Carmello leads everyone into the room that once belonged to Pizzabug. And there she was, with a gaping hole in between her eyes. Someone had shot her. And there was an audio player that Carmello turns on, playing this message.

Hey, Carmello. This is Officer Frank Shannon. I'm on to your little game. None of your one-note gangsters have killed off any of my cops yet. You're all a pathetic bunch, you know that? I had actually paid a visit during the night to check up with my cops. They're all really ecstatic over getting their jobs done. And now I bet you're all wondering about what happened to this bitch. She tried to give me guff, saying how I need to go behind bars for good and how I'll pay for my crimes. So I responded with giving her some of my lead into her brains. Pathetic little one, she was. I'm just going to tell you all right now: the next day, you all better choose wisely and you all better hope someone replaces in time. Otherwise, my cops will win and shut you all down. You really should have known better than to mess with me, Carmello. The clock is ticking. You all better make a decision tomorrow, or it will end badly for you. Hope you all enjoy Hell!

The audio cuts off.

So yes…. That son of a bitch killed that nice kid. And you all better make the right decision tomorrow otherwise that will be all our asses!

He heads into his office, angrily shutting the door.

[Florien]

See what comes of not cooperating with El Presidente? We could have executed Snakeweed and been well on our way to victory now!

Of course. Also, Penultimo, get the Esca... Not-Deserting-the-Moment-Things-go-Wrong-Tomorrow Helicopter ready.

[PointMaid]

Snakeweed just stands there with her mouth open, looking like she might be sick any second...

[Kennifer]

Kim is just going to...

> grab something to drink, she doesn't even really care at this point if it's booze or drain cleaner.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

> grab something to drink, she doesn't even really care at this point if it's booze or drain cleaner. (Kim)

You get some that's a bit stale and not the best tasting in the world, but fuck it. You're drinking it anyway.

[Florien]

Snakeweed, Soseki for almost sure, Possibly Escargoon and Mr. Clef... and MAYBE Kim. Those are my guesses. Execute any one of them. Preferably Soseki.

You citizens may not be as loyal as I am, but perhaps the threat of imminent death might spur you into action!

[Kennifer]

'Stoo late for executions today, innit? Guess we gotta see what happens tonight..."

Kim didn't exactly sound like she expected to be around in the morning.

[PointMaid]

Snakeweed just grumbles and > grabs a beer too... it's been a long enough day

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

> grabs a beer too... it's been a long enough day (Snakeweed)

You didn't grab a beer. You instead downed an entire bottle of Seedy Joe Bourbon's World-Famous Moonshine and you get so drunk off it, you pass out. Better hope your liver survived that one.

[MadameButterflyKnife]

>grab some Fireball and take a shot

[PointMaid]

...I am not feeling so good...

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

>grab some Fireball and take a shot (Chili)

You needed it too, as it numbs you to the pain of everything happening around you and plus, you feel a little tipsy.

[Florien]

Oh, too late for executions, is it? Getting drunk on non-tropican rum? Have none of you enough money to call for an assassin to shoot someone on my list dead? Have none of you enough money to call for an investigator to prove me right about the situation? Have none of you enough money to protect yourself from the inevitable stabbing that'll happen tonight? Or did you foolishly waste it entirely on watching individual rooms or on buying blueprints or something? Penultimo, go warm up the helicopter. With the level of intellect these people are displaying, we shall need it.

Yes, Presidente!

[TalesofUnder]

No... It can't be... They didn't...

KATO-SAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!

(Soseki's resolve utterly shatters there and then. He just heard that his best friend... his ONLY friend in this place... she... SHE...)

...you PIGS. YOU KILLED KATO-SAN! YOU. DO NOT. MESS WITH. KATO-SAN.

>Grab a copper pipe right then and there and attempt to beat the shit out of Snakeweed

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

>Grab a copper pipe right then and there and attempt to beat the shit out of Snakeweed (Soseki)

You grab it and.... you hit yourself in the head with it. Somehow. You knock yourself unconscious.

[TalesofUnder]

>Attempt to will yourself back to consciousness by sheer anger

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

>Attempt to will yourself back to consciousness by sheer anger (Soseki)

You're willed back.