[Roleplay - Drop-in] The Great Trouble Cube Road Trip

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

"It's like a magical car," Matthew says. "I kind of wonder if this damn vehicle is like a clown car. Well, let's keep on going, we need to figure out-"

Suddenly a loud bang hits the rear of the car, which nearly shakes everyone out of their seats.

"What the hell..." Matthew takes a look back and there he was.

I will get my money! And there was the hotel clerk, now with a crazed look of determination in his eyes, now coming after the car in his own car and again, wielding his shotgun.

"Ah, crap..."

[Dookie]

"...oh shit."

He opens his bag, gets a big blanket out and a stuffed bear, puts the blanket over his head, grabs the bear, and the curls down under the seat.

[Cassie]

"Bob, go!"

"On it!"

The horrific-looking bobbit worm slithers out of his hands, out of the car, and jumps onto the clerk's car, making pipe-sized holes on it.

[Florien]

It's a free country!

An armored car swerves onto the road, heading the wrong way down an exit. Some guy climbs into the gun turret in the top and starts firing at the hotel clerk's car as the vehicles speed down the (thankfully largely empty) freeway.

FOR AMERICAAAAAAAA!!!

Whoever's armored vehicle this is, where they got the military grade ordinance, and whatever else is going on is unclear at the moment, but whoever it is, their extreme agression is only matched by the absurd numbers of United States flags flying on the sides of the vehicle, probably somehow making it even less street legal than it already was. It abruptly accelerates, swerves, smashes through the median, and overturns in the roadway.

[AyyBee121]

Bee faces the direction of the armored truck and holds out his thumb.

[Cassie]

The bobbit worm manages to return to the car, and Libre hugs him again for safety.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

The clerk tries to fight off the Bobbit worm as it makes holes in his car.

Get off, get off!

Then as it jumps off, he sees the armored car.

Oh shit-

He says as the armored car fires at the clerks car, which makes even more holes, doing more damage than Libre's worm and it swerves out of control as it flies off the freeway and plows into a tree. The shaken clerk climbs out of the twisted wreckage as the cars get further and further until they're out of sight.

This won't be the last you've heard from me, the last words the clerk says before he faints from the excitement? His injuries? Who knows?

Meanwhile in the car "Thank God they came to the rescue", Matthew says as he notices the armored car overturns. "Come on, they saved us. Let's help them out." The car pulls over to the armored car.

[josh6243]

"Neat. Name's Leah. You can call me Commander Yammark if you want."

[Florien]

Two guys clamber out of the (now burning) armored car, both dressed in absurd united states themed clothing and apparently uninjured.

The constitution has been upheld today, citizens! For this is a free country, and thus it is unconstitutional to charge people money for anything! It says so in the constitution!

please save me he's kept me hostage for years and no one believes me.

Haha! Good joke, America Lad! We have our constitutional duty to uphold, we must travel across the land to these so-called "other nations" and let them know that they are AMERICA, because that's what America Exceptionalism means! It means AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY!

please help he's crazy.

Let me introduce myself! I am Samuel, Defender of the Constitution, and this here is America Lad, my loyal sidekick and chauffer.

no my name is aaron, he's held me for years let me go please stop him.

WE UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTIONAL VALUES! For this is a free country, and the second amendment gives me the right to shoot anyone who violates the constitution by charging money for a good or service! And the third amendment gives me the right to shoot any military or law enforcement personnel who try to approach my property, including this armored car! FOR THE CONSTITUTION!

please stop him he's a danger to everyone.

Anyway, my armored vehicle seems to have been entirely destroyed fighting that unamerican danger to freedom! So, I notice you have a very large vehicle, and as I am not military, I have the constitutional right to come with you on your journey! Where are you headed, anyway?

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

"Uh, hi...... we're headed to some place called the Promised Land. Someone else was originally going to take us there but never woke up and we just had to get away from that crazed hotel clerk. Why don't you all join us? We have plenty of room."

[Florien]

Of course! I will join you! America Lad! Get my things!

No, let me go.

America Lad is very lazy. He doesn't get my things. Sometimes I need to encourage him with the patriotic torture device.

Samuel produces as remote and presses a button. Aaron curses for a while talking about how the button doesn't do anything and the machine broke years ago. Samuel pulls out a pistol and threatens Aaron with patriotic justice if he doesn't help America be the best and only nation, and so he eventually gets Samuel's things loaded into the car.

ONWARDS! To the promised land! TO AMERICA!

please, ditch him.

America Lad Really brightens the day with his comedic antics! Haha! But the communists are constantly trying to get into his brain!

[Cassie]

"Whooo...that's quite grating."

[Whistle]

Autumn emerges from the trunk, gets on top of the car. "Who... are you guys again?"

[Florien]

Why, I'm Samuel, defender of the constitution! And this is my sidekick, America Lad! We fight people who do anti-american activities, like violate the constitution! The primary way it's violated is that people pretend the country isn't free. Because the country is free, it's illegal to charge for anything. That's why I don't pay taxes.

I don't know if samuel is his real name, but I'm aaron and he's crazy and he's a murderer he shot a storekeeper in the face for "violating his freedom" and save me please

Haha! Very good joke America Lad! The communists haven't taken your sense of humor yet, I see!

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

"I should probably avoid the cops now..." Matthew whispers to himself as he drives.

[wingedcatgirl]

Sylvi stretchyawns. "I feel like I should do something about this... but I'm just a tiny kitty, so I can't."

[josh6243]

With a nervous smile, Commander Yammark states, "It's nice to meet you both. I'm, uh, Leah."

[AyyBee121]

"Oh, new guys! I'm Bee! Sorry about your car. Though I've personally survived much worse."

[Dookie]

Dookie gets out!

"Hello!....please don't sit next to me."

[josh6243]

"It's nice to meet you, Bee!" replies Commander Yammark to her new friend.

Concerned for her friend Dookie, Commander Yammark asks, "Is something wrong?"

[wmradar]

EX—STING—GUISH—YOU...?
The bum, who has up to this point been unconscious in the seat behind Samuel's, abruptly wakes up and continues thumping the plastic bucket over "the fire" (Samuel's seat) until, on the last syllable, it slowly dawns on him that he's no longer in the inferno of his own making.
...uuuuh...
A long, awkward beat ensues.

[Florien]

By the NOBLE STAR SPANGLED BANNER!

Samuel curses in that vein for some time, an expression of shock and rage upon his face. He proceeds with invoking America, the constitution, and the concept of eagles and apple pie, and the "founding fathers" in a series of horrific oaths.

I am soaked! You scum of the earth, if the constitution didn't specifically say that one is not allowed to shoot people who dump buckets of water on patriotic heroes for that act alone, you would be dead for assault of an icon! America Lad, get me my spare uniform, I must remain presentable to embody the spirit of this flawless country better!

fine samuel just please don't kill me. 
 please just let me go home it's been three years.

I wouldn't DREAM of doing such a thing, America Lad! Now hurry up or I will need to purge the communists from you by violent force, for they will have grown too powerful!!

Aaron tosses Samuel one of the suitcases, and in a fraction of a second, somehow, Samuel is completely dry, and still looking intensely silly in the new, dry, flag themed clothing. He stares daggers at the bum.

America is watching, citizen. America is always watching. And judging. We are called America the Beautiful for a reason. Don't stand in the way of that beauty, or you will be removed.

[Cassie]

"Ugh, so full of himself." At which point Libre goes to sleep.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

"Maybe we shouldn't just pick any person that comes up", Matthew says under his breath. "We're all going to die here, aren't we?"

[wingedcatgirl]

"Prrrrrrobably," the cat mutters, still curled up on the ceiling.