[Game] Party to Treason

[Florien]

Plausible deniability mah glowin' ass, mah people make sure ta staple every edict brought forward with an assessment of whether it's borderline treason or not! The only thing besides the Presidin' member passin' on two rebel edicts or the Chair passin' a rebel edict willfully that could fuck this up is if they got given three bad edicts ta start!

Lanthanide pauses.

Oh, an' CATS nominated Eridan. Not Bandu, there's yer confusion.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

He's tellin' the truth! Guess you missed something.

[Kennifer]

yeah it was cats that nominated me
anywway wwhat noww cause all this yellin and threatenin is not gettin us much a anywwhere
and i just wwant to get this shit ovver wwith wwhatevver happens at this point honestly im sick a this bullshit

[wingedcatgirl]

Mark scribbles the correction of Day 2's proceedings on his notes. "Of course, of course. They have similar handwriting, that must be where I got confused.

"So, between the Presiding Member and the Chairperson, if one is a rebel, they might get a rebel edict passed, and if both are rebels, they probably will, but if neither is, they probably won't. But it's not 100% in either case. More like 95%.

"... Pinky and the Brain cleared me," Mark says after a moment's thought, "and I know I'm a loyalist. But both times they teamed up with George, a rebel edict got passed.

"If I take them telling the truth about me as a sign they're a loyalist... that implies George is a rebel."

He shrugs. "At least, from where I'm standing. At least one of Asuka and Eridan is a rebel too, and CATS said Eridan passed a rebel edict knowing there was a loyalist one available, so that pretty solidly condemns him. If we assume CATS is telling the truth. Which I'm inclined to believe.

"So our rebels consist of Eridan, George, and some two other people."

...

...

"... I do not know what to do with this information if we're not allowed to just execute them."

notes

(Replacement notes: Jameson = Bandu, Magane = Steve, Mickey = Mark)

DAY 1
P&B nominate Mickey
Magane votes yes
Asuka votes no
Monaca votes yes
Eridan votes yes
P&B retract their nomination

P&B nominate George
Asuka votes no
CATS votes no
Magane votes yes
Eridan votes yes
George votes yes
Monaca votes yes - George confirmed
REBEL EDICT PASSES

DAY 2
Bandu CATS nominates Mickey
Eridan votes yes
P&B vote yes
CATS votes yes - Mickey confirmed
LOYALIST EDICT PASSES

DAY 3
Bandu nominates Eridan
George votes yes
CATS votes yes
P&B vote yes
Eridan votes yes
Asuka votes yes - Eridan confirmed
REBEL EDICT PASSES

DAY 4
George nominates P&B
P&B vote yes
Eridan votes yes
Steve votes yes - P&B confirmed
REBEL EDICT PASSES

also at some point CATS accuses George, George accuses CATS and Asuka, and P&B clear Mark

[Zanreo]

"Question being... who is two others? Hopefully... not too long to find."

[Florien]

Well. That's certainly interestin'. Anyway, what ya do with that information is not trust em until Ah can verify an' shoot them. Vote down their proposals, jeer at them, whatever. An' if a Loyalist is presidin' next time but a rebel edict passes anyway, Ah'm gonna give clearance ta have one of y'all shot, an' the loyalist'll probably pick a traitor.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Don't you think that's a bit of a bold assumption? Automatically assuming P&B are innocent because they cleared you? There are two main rebels and one leader. Haven't you even thought that they might have cleared you just to make themselves look good, to free themselves of suspicion? What better way to be a Rebel than to blend in and just play along as one of the good guys, right? And what makes you so sure CATS is innocent in all this, hmm?

[wingedcatgirl]

Mark shrugs. "Cause everything lines up that way. Of course, the rebels could've constructed a self-consistent alternate reality and based all their lies on that, but... honestly, I don't think they're clever enough."

[Florien]

Three Rebels an' one leader who ain't in the know about who the main three are. Not two an' one.

[PointMaid]

Brain looks like he doesn't quite know what to say to that... but looks a bit insulted.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

That was what I meant to say. Sorry, that came out wrong.

[MadeOfMilk]

A dirty stinkin' rebel, eh? Wait'll they see their hippie shot's for nothing...

[Florien]

Ah shit, act normal for a moment. Yer gonna get inspected soon by mah boss. An' Ah'll be sendin' ya what y'all'll need ta do to cover up yer LITERAL FUCKIN' TREASON in a moment, so DON'T do anythin' stupid-like when readin' it, like say "Oh wow we fucked up hard an' did a treason so hard wow an' we're bein' allowed ta get away with it". Ah don't know why Ah'm compelled ta keep protectin' y'all like this at this point, it's really a one-way relationship, with y'all stabbin' me metaphorically over an' over while Ah'm super merciful, forgivin', and all this. Yer really bein' not great ta me right now, an' Ah ASSUME ya don't want ta be vicious an' mean. A'course, maybe yer jus' nasty. Fuckin' traitors, bein' mean an' low an' nasty.

And indeed, Captain Lanthanide does soon send over her plan to get you out of the mess your traitorous friends concocted.

Interspersed with little rants by her about how you're either stupid or treasonous and probably both to think telling people where they should never go under any circumstance ever but it won't kill them but it's treason would be helpful to national security, you're able to find a few main points that you'll need to address.

1. Figure out a way to get into the archive where the lists of blocked websites and reasons for why they're blocked are stored without arousing undue attention.

2. Solve the mystery of the inconsistent and archaic filing system to find those lists. Somehow. And FAST.

3. Destroy those documents in a way that looks like an accident.

4. Think of some way to hide the whole mess you're in or are creating when being inspected by Colonel Valdragon, to make sure no one gets shot.

Challenge Phase is go.

[MadeOfMilk]

The Steverino Planerino

1. Huh... I COULD use the tank for this but you said "without arousing undue attention" heh, arouse so... guess I'll have to go with Mission Impossible-ing this. Uh, preferably without the theme. That's definitely gonna draw attention, movie's unrealistic as hell on that front. But yeah, yeah, sneak around, do some cool shit, get to the files, all that jazz.

2. I mean, it's gotta be in alphabetical order, right? Come on, I didn't fail kindergarten, NOBODY fails kindergarten. And if it's not then reverse alphabetical order. And if that doesn't work I'm just gonna start making up letters. Maybe it's under the letter "goomph" or something. All else fails... uh, I dunno, whack it? Works with TVs.

3. Now this? This is where the tank comes in. So I put the tank on autopilot and let it crash through the wall, riiiiiiiiiight behind the filing cabinets with the lists in 'em. I'll be nice and unsafe outside the tank, screaming "IT'S OUT OF CONTROL" and yadda yadda. And then I'll save the day by hopping in it - listen I've done this a million times before so I KNOW what I'm doing - and turn it off. Boom, done.

4. Ugh, forgot I gotta deal with that broad. Eh, whatever, it's easy! I'll lie that it malfunctioned and went out of control, riiiight to that old bitch's face! Then I'll just make it look like I'm repairing the tank and probably angrily mumble a thing or two about the military budget.

[PointMaid]

Pinky and Brain's plan

[*sigh*] Come on, Pinky. They think this is our mess, so we'd better help solve it.

1. Figure out a way to get into the archive where the lists of blocked websites and reasons for why they're blocked are stored without arousing undue attention.

If we must pretend we're regular mice for... strategic advantage... that is what we must do. We'll pretend we're regular mice and scramble in behind an employee when they open the door. If they, ugh, freak out, or there are no employees there at the time, we'll use the air ducts and the spaces behind the walls. Like ordinary mice. Blech.

2. Solve the mystery of the inconsistent and archaic filing system to find those lists. Somehow. And FAST.

I'll put on a blindfold and pick one at random! It's bound to be the one!

PINKY! ...Fine, one try. If that doesn't work, I'll look at the ones with no dust on them first. There are a lot of websites, and more are coming online all the time. The lists must be added to constantly.

3. Destroy those documents in a way that looks like an accident.

Do you have the cigarette and lighter I asked you to bring, Pinky? Oh, good, now let me just make it look like someone was taking a smoke break here and got careless...

[Pinky hands over the cigarette and lighter, but also takes one of the papers and starts nibbling] Mmmf, aright, Brain.

[Brain faceplams] ...Well, I suppose 'accidental rodent damage' works as well. And in this case it might be true.

4. Think of some way to hide the whole mess you're in or are creating when being inspected by Colonel Valdragon, to make sure no one gets shot.

The archive fire could be blamed on a low level archives employee smoking, of course. And rodent damage on the maintainence crew. But better to preserve those employees, who could be dealt with... harshly. Order everyone to move the un-damaged archives to a new room immediately and act like it's always been there. Which they will do out of self-preservation. The old room is cleared out and presented as simply being an empty room.

And if Valdragon asks about how we're doing with the edicts, well... "What, Colonel Valdragon? No, we've been debating which edicts are absolutely best for the Alliance, which is quite essential to do I'm sure you realize, and have only passed one edict since we've convened." Then show Valdragon the one Loylalist edict we've passed, of course. The rest, we've covered up the consequences of, haven't we?

[Pinky hugs Valdragon's ankle] We're so glad you're here, Co-lo-nel! NARF! We love inspections! So necessary!

[wingedcatgirl]

Billionaire Killionaire plan

1. Figure out a way to get into the archive where the lists of blocked websites and reasons for why they're blocked are stored without arousing undue attention.
Mark's plan is good old social engineering - wearing thick-rimmed glasses and a safety vest to hide his look, he'll walk in with a clipboard and tell them he's a fire and electrical code inspector, here to make sure all the wiring is up to par. (And just to be sure, he's bringing copies of the code on his tablet so he can spot any actual violations.)

2. Solve the mystery of the inconsistent and archaic filing system to find those lists. Somehow. And FAST.
After inspecting the first few rooms, he'll go back and point out that a well-designed filing system demands that particularly valuable documents be stored particularly safely, and so he needs to inspect that as well.

3. Destroy those documents in a way that looks like an accident.
With any luck, he'll have found an actual violation in the relevant room he can exploit and blame it on, but failing that, he's got a backup - the forbidden extension cord.


Plug that into two sockets and there'll be a fire in minutes, if not seconds. "What the fuck is this shit? Who brought that in? Who let that get brought in? Where's the extinguisher?" SWOOOOOOSH! If the fire hasn't destroyed the documents by that point, the extinguishing foam will.

4. Think of some way to hide the whole mess you're in or are creating when being inspected by Colonel Valdragon, to make sure no one gets shot.
"All right, folks, we are all in major shit if this gets to the higher-ups. Help me clean up this mess before anyone shows and I might find myself 'misplacing' my report for a few weeks, if you catch my drift." With help from the locals, the whole mess should be well hidden before Valdragon gets a chance to see it in the first place.

[Florien]

Steve's Scheme begins! First, he does mission impossible things. He quickly gets into the archives, but it turns out mission-impossible-ing probably requires gear that doesn't hook on everything and possibly more than one person. It's noisy and some archive employees stare. The archives are ostensibly in alphabetical order, but there's a clear problem in that it's completely unclear what letter it's filed under. Under I for internet? L for Lists? B for Blocked or W for Websites? Eventually Steve tries punching the archive building, and people stare at that. One asks if he needs help though, and he manages to find the lists. He then makes the tank crash into the building and the shelves at top speed, while trying to maintain plausible deniability about it by running around. The documents are all mixed together, which should delay anything being released, but unfortunately, most are largely intact, so it's only a temporary delay. He stops the tank and goes to seem not actively treasonous. Valdragon stares at the mess. 

What EXACTLY do you think you're doing? 

Well, blaming it on a malfunction and complaining about the military budget quietly gets a little more irritation from him. Specifically in the form of "Then you didn't inspect it right" and "The military budget is out of my control, and I think it's sufficient, unless you're questioning the Director's and the Generals' wisdom." But Steve gets out without getting shot, so everything's presumably fine.

Next, the Plan of The Pinky and Brain. They use their small size to their advantage, sneaking around inside walls, in ducts, behind employees, all without being noticed. Pinky randomly picks a file, and it turns out to be a very interesting file that surely should have been shredded years ago (or moved somewhere more secure) detailing a list of Alliance intelligence assets across the galaxy. This is quickly ignored to cleverly find the list by looking for things that are continuously updated or moved. That narrows it down enough that it's quickly found. Simultaneous Rodent Damage and Mysterious Spontaneous Tobacco Fire resolves the situation with the documents. Valdragon accepts the blaming of other people for the problems, but on hearing about the edict situation, comments "Well, you're moving slowly. Move faster. Surely it can't be that hard to see what edicts are better than others." No getting shot today.

Next in line, Millionaire Filler Bark Kebruary, who goes to do a SURPRISE INSPECTION! Luckily, this workplace doesn't have an employee manual saying that there's NO SURPRISE INSPECTIONS EVER, THE PERSON SAYING THAT IS A SPY, so this works out. He manages to convince some bored archive employees to show him where important documents are kept to inspect with the telling them that they have different requirements. There are a few code violations, most importantly that the socket doesn't have a proper plate. Mark then tries to subtly plug in the forbidden extension cord, which quickly melts and starts a fire, but there's still some employees around to see that. He manages to brush off the thing as "that's so bad my specialized multimeter thing blew up", but some are still suspicious as the fire and foam damages the important documents beyond repair. Telling the workers about the incoming Political officer two officers above them horrifies them so much that they quickly go along with what he says, cleaning up everything and concealing the wreckage, and dodges Colonel Valdragon at the archive to wait for the proper inspection instead at the offices, which should be more routine and easier to not get shot at.

[Kennifer]

Eridan's Eriplan

1. Figure out a way to get into the archive where the lists of blocked websites and reasons for why they're blocked are stored without arousing undue attention.
wwell im just goin to sneak in straight up and act like im lost if anybody asks
i probably look kind a wweird enough to these fuckin people theyll think im lost on my wway to some kind a fuckin costume contest
just play stupid if anybody notices me and try to sneak by wwhile theyre all confused and shit

2. Solve the mystery of the inconsistent and archaic filing system to find those lists. Somehow. And FAST.
wwell they probably wwould expect somebody to go through em in order so im goin to look through them back to front and if that doesnt work ill look in the middle in case they threww them in there not expectin somebody to find them randomly like that

3. Destroy those documents in a way that looks like an accident.
just a quick blast a my rifle at the outlet to start a fuckin electrical fire then ill hide it back away in my sylladex before anybody comes invvestigatin ought to do it
itll look like the fuckin thing started spontaneously or they ovverloaded the outlet or some dumb shit like that and hopin itll all be burned up by the time they can put any a it out

4. Think of some way to hide the whole mess you're in or are creating when being inspected by Colonel Valdragon, to make sure no one gets shot.

again im gonna play dumb
dumb alien boy got himself in the wwrong place at the wwrong time
wwhere the fuck am i anywway that sort a shit

[Cassie]

Did Bandu turn pink just for this occasion?

1. Figure out a way to get into the archive where the lists of blocked websites and reasons for why they're blocked are stored without arousing undue attention.

Bandu will- no, not teleport and snatch, ya dingbat! He looks noticable! He'll just kidnap a random guy who works in the archive by brief bouts of teleportation in and out of the archives, perfectly copy all of their compositional assets like they're just an FNF character (using the chaos god powers to do that), tie them up and strand them somewhere too hard for the guys to find and sus out, then go back into the archives like nothing happened.

2. Solve the mystery of the inconsistent and archaic filing system to find those lists. Somehow. And FAST.

>use chaos god powers to make the lists yeet itself from their hiding places and fall onto the floor

3. Destroy those documents in a way that looks like an accident.

This is where Bandu uses his chaos god powers to shake the whole damn archive in an earthquake inevitably causing a fire that'd destroy the documents. If not, the debris that'll rain down certainly will destroy them.

4. Think of some way to hide the whole mess you're in or are creating when being inspected by Colonel Valdragon, to make sure no one gets shot.

Well Bandu just made a new fault line under the earth's crust! Hard to tell that anyone could've made THAT! And he's disguised the whole time - certainly the earthquake-borne debris would've killed the guy he impersonated, and he'll play victim to the whole "accident" in itself because...I dunno, are there anyone else capable of making new fault lines in the earth?

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

Monaca's Pickle-tastic Plan!

1. Figure out a way to get into the archive where the lists of blocked websites and reasons for why they're blocked are stored without arousing undue attention.

I'll visit the archive under the guise of searching up primary sources for a school essay! It's like going to the library! But with more book-burning!

2. Solve the mystery of the inconsistent and archaic filing system to find those lists. Somehow. And FAST.

Go ahead and send out 27 drones to look through the files starting with a certain letter or number. Then, if a drone detects anything, I'll be notified of the location and file and I can go and pick it up!

3. Destroy those documents in a way that looks like an accident.

After picking up the files, I'll go ahead and roll the files up, store the files in filled pickle jars, and then mix them up!! They'll be so wet, they'll crumble in no time!

4. Think of some way to hide the whole mess you're in or are creating when being inspected by Colonel Valdragon, to make sure no one gets shot.

Pickle party! Basically, I'll hold a party where we can eat the pickles from step 3! The evidence gets eaten up, AND the party distracts from the already crumbled incriminating files!

[Florien]

Eridan has a devious ploy! It plays out thusly. First, he tries to sneak in all stealthy-like. Looking lost is all well and good when everyone notices, but it just gets him escorted out by guards the first time he gets caught instead of immediately being tackled, pepper sprayed, tased, and beaten. He succeeds the second time though. He then manually goes through all the files back to front, then tries the middle. It takes a while without much of a coherent search system beyond looking everywhere. By then, Valdragon is already coming down the street! BANG! Eridan shoots at the electrical socket with a gun, alerting everyone in the building as sparks fly and set the archives building ablaze! EVERYTHING IS BURNING! HE RUNS, HIDING HIS RIFLE AS HE FLEES! HE... Runs into Valdragon on the way out, who has some very uncomfortable questions as the fire is extinguished, specifically, the very obvious bullet hole in the electrical socket, the gunshots, and the witnesses reporting him sneaking around. A full cavity search is conducted, and the gun is found... and Eridan plays dumb, which just makes the Colonel angrier and angrier. The Colonel pulls out a pistol and shoots Eridan in the knee. He collapses to the ground, writhing in pain, and Valdragon is seconds away from killing him... when suddenly, the Colonel gets a call and gets distracted long enough for Eridan to drag himself away.

Bandu thinks of a dastardly plot! He steals an employee, and cunningly disguises himself as that employee. This works fine. He then tries to find the correct files by... making a huge mess of all the files in the archive. This achieves nothing and only makes it harder. Then, he triggers an earthquake, hoping that'll destroy them. The ceiling caves in and buries the documents under tons of rubble... and also buries Bandu under tons of rubble, and a bunch of other important documents too, and other buildings in the city. Bandu is in horrible agony now, crushed and battered. Freeing himself isn't too bad, with teleportation, but he's covered in concrete dust and asbestos, so not only will he have lung cancer thirty years from now, but he obviously was in the archives when the building caved in. Valdragon makes a vaguely snarky comment about "Do you not think we vet our recruits and their abilities?" before shooting Bandu multiple times for causing a horrible earthquake and potentially many future ones. It's a miracle he survived those wounds, even with the powers he has.

Next, Monaca has connived a method for the task! She tries to bluff her way into the archive, pretending she has permission to be there from a school. She is immediately rebuffed because it contains classified information that she's not cleared to look at. She eventually talks her way in, but she has to be followed by a guard. She eventually manages to ditch the guard long enough to release a few drones to look around the archive for her target, and finds it quickly enough... in the classified section, where the guard won't let her go. She just straight up stabs the guard in order to get to the documents, there isn't really another way for her now. She then puts the documents in pickle jars for some reason. It damages them, certainly, and does make them illegible, which is nice. Shaking does cause them to turn into a papery sludge... but trying to present this inky greyish sludge as "pickles for eating" at a welcome party does not go over well. Valdragon doesn't realize what exactly is going on with the sludge, yet at least, but takes the mess as an insult and yells at Monaca for providing such unpatriotic and substandard pickles. No one eats the mess.

[Cassie]

Back at where everyone is, Bandu teleports back in, screams incoherently, cries like a goddamn baby, mutters flowery non-sequiturs, and coughs from the dust and asbestos for a full hour straight.

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

... At least I didn't get shot?

Monaca breathes a sigh of relief...

[MadeOfMilk]

Steve just brushes himself off.

Nothin' like daring to pretend to be stupid!

[wingedcatgirl]

Mark boggles at the state of Bandu and Monaca. "You two okay?" Man, and I thought I was bad off getting some suspicious looks...

He seems to be ignoring Eridan on purpose.