Warmart 3: (No) Mart Cop

[MadeOfMilk]

Devil's Hands, Texas. It was a ghost town where nobody dared venture. But right next to it.... was a Walmart.

A group of trained mercenaries known as the Greasemonkeys, 50 years ago, built the store as a cover for their battle arena. Even today, this store is still in use, and people still fight in it. The local hillbillies have termed it...

WARMART

Alright, so this is a bit different from the other R Ps going on. Here's how it plays: You grab whatever from the store, then you use it to fight someone, or defend against someone, or whatever. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Roleplaying is encouraged, but this is an isolated thread not tied to any existing universe, and it's more like a combat arena.

Rules are:
1: Don't be a dick. That should be self-explanatory.
2: Only use stuff you could be reasonably expected to find in a Walmart. Magic is allowed, so long as it has an explanation.


That good? Good. Let's start this thang.

A young twenty-something is spending way too long in the video game section. They're treating it like a life-changing decision. Yeah, what's up with that?

[madface7]

Suddenly, with a wrench in hand from the tool section, comes a fifteen-year-old girl in a builder costume from the Halloween aisle. She bonks the young twenty-something over the head and picks up a Steam card.

"Tractor taunt, here I come..."

[KungFuCutbug]

“Ahem?” [Behind the 15-year-old stands a winged, bespectacled young adult—can't be much older than 18—with their arms crossed and an eyebrow raised suspiciously.] “What took you so long?”

[madface7]

"Dunno." She shoves the card in her pocket. "I just got here. Hey, uh, how do you change text colors?"

[KungFuCutbug]

“Oh, you—you have to click the ‘post reply’ button to get access to the whole big editor thing that lets you change colors like that. The quick reply function won't let you, for some reason.”

[madface7]

"I see. Kinda lame tbh. Anyway uhhhhhhhhhh... BRB."

She books it away from the winged person and heads to the aisle with the boxes and bins.

[KungFuCutbug]

[The winged person rolls their eyes and pushes up their glasses before flying off to another random section of the store, eventually finding themselves in the gardening aisle. They immediately begin scouring through the weedwhackers and grab one.] “Ooh. This could be useful...”

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

[Suddenly, a bespectacled 19-year old smacks the 15-year old in the head with a lamp. He grabs her Steam card and rides off with a bicycle.]

"I get knocked down, but I get up again..."

[MadeOfMilk]

Out of nowhere, the bespectacled 19-year-old is tackled by the nerdy young adult, shoving him headfirst into an aisle full of concrete garden decorations. The young adult grabs the Steam Card and wonders if this has just become "GET THAT STEAM CARD!".

[madface7]

The 15 year old girl, now Steam-cardless, gets angry and sulks somehere else. She is now hiding in one of the corners hitting a wrench on an array of Super-Soakers taped together on a camera tripod, adding a few laser pointers and somehow hardwiring a smoke detector to act as a motion sensor. She has also used a dolly to wheel one of the refrigerators over. 

She finishes upgrading her makeshift sentry gun and lies down on a couch she carries over, sipping a Dr. Pepper.

"Ahhhh... Life a' Riley. Mmm."

She waits patiently for an unsuspecting foe to happen upon her nest.

[KungFuCutbug]

[The winged adult flinches at the sound of someone's head being smashed into a bunch of concrete gardening decorations, turning to see the nerdy adult with the Steam card. They flash a grin, rev up their weedwhacker...

...and slice the Steam card clean in half. Ouch.]

[MadeOfMilk]

The nerdy adult grabs a nearby shovel and whacks the winged adult in retaliation for ruining a perfectly good Steam card.

[madface7]

Stealing a laser pointer, the hard-hatted girl points the laser at the nerdy adult and activates the sentry. It fires all over them.

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

[The young 19-year old adult with glasses stabs the hard-hatted girl with a kitchen knife and overcharges the sentry with a car battery. He quickly grabs a face mask to hide his face.]

[KungFuCutbug]

[The winged adult falls to the floor... but eventually respawns in the frozen food section. They cross their arms and curse under their breath because it's cold as hell there and they've lost their weedwhacker.] "Damn it... Now what? I'm defenseless."

[madface7]

The engineer girl respawns in the hardware department.

"Dammit... Dane was right. Gotta stop turtling."

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

[The masked young adult with glasses decides to go to the bakery to get a baguette.]

[MadameButterflyKnife]

In the hardware department, a young adult with black hair dyed in multicolored streaks, a black hoodie, and darkly colored angelic wings flies down onto the engineer girl and hits her in the head with a stepladder, before running off to the canned meat aisle.

[KungFuCutbug]

[After a moment of struggling, the winged adult grabs a giant bag of frozen tater tots and flies upwards to gauge the scene for opponents.

...Wait a second... Is that someone else with wings? Oh, hell no. They immediately divebomb the multicolored-haired person and smack them in the head as hard as they can with the bag of tater tots.]

[MadameButterflyKnife]

The multicolor-haired person is thrown across the aisle by the winged adult's tater tot attacks. As they struggle to regain their senses, they crawl their way into cover by a wall of Spam. Huh, that other person had wings too. Small world. 

"Hey! You got a spam call!" They grab the cans of spam in the aisle and begin throwing them back at the winged adult. 

[MadeOfMilk]

Suddenly, both winged people hear "I like ya cut, G" right behind them.

The last thing they hear when the taco shells hit the backs on their heads is a familiar BONG sound.

The nerdy adult takes armfuls of Spam to build a fort somewhere.

[TalesofUnder]

A teenage girl in what looks to be a combination of a Victorian dress and a mechanism materializes into the Warmart, with a puff of air.

Huh, odd...

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

"Viva la France!"

[The masked young adult with glasses pole-vaults above the Victorian girl with his baguette.]

(Note: He isn't actually French, he's faking it.)

[madface7]

The engineer girl bludgeons the masked young adult with a hammer.

"Now you just stop tryin' to mess with my contraptions."

[EeveeGirlChey]

(A grown woman with short, messy hair and penguin pajamas rides in on a bicycle pelting water balloons filled with beefaroni.)

"EAT THE SMEG UP!!!"