Warmart 3: (No) Mart Cop

[madface7]

The hard hatted girl decides to build a really tiny version of her old sentry, calling it a mini-sentry. She takes another Super-Soaker and cocks it, spraying the woman with penguin pajamas with both the mini-sentry and her own gun.

"Sometimes, ya just need a little less gun."

[Caret]

*[A youth wearing a stripped black and white shirt, black jeans, and a blue cape parks a red minivan inside the auto care center and enters the store.]*

Now what should I do first... Hmmm... I'm hungry.

*[He puts a wooden goose mask on and starts stocking up on food.]*

[MadeOfMilk]

The nerdy adult leaps out from inside a shelf and bonks the goose-masked youth over the head with a scanner while shouting "BUMP!"

[madface7]

The hard-hatted girl leaps behind the counter for the baked goods aisle.

"Welcome to the bread bank. We sell bread, we sell loafs. We got bread on deck, bread on the floor. Toasted, roasted-"

[AyyBee121]

A tired looking man with an orange coat and long brown hair spawns in the garden section. He grabs a rake and slams it over the head of the masked young adult with glasses.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

A young teen with acne then shows up, and throws the orange-coated man to the freezers.

[MadeOfMilk]

The nerdy adult finally reappears from the cereal aisle, now strangely sporting a pair of bat wings. They rip open several boxes of various brands of cereal and spill it all over the floor before flying on top of one of the shelves to watch the chaos unfurl.

[Dookie]

Dookie is hiding in a bathroom, scared.

Meanwhile...

Jimmy is riding a shopping kart with a broken Coca Cola bottle in hand

[Routeferret]

"Excuse me, but I need this..."
A man, features obscured by a coat and fedora, jumps out from a display of cans and throws Jimmy out of the shopping cart. He then runs off and throughout the supermarket, throwing all matter of foods inside and throwing wine bottles at everyone passing by for good measure.

[Dookie]

"Goddamit! You ass, Ribbit!"

[MadeOfMilk]

The bat-winged person continues their rampage of bullshit, letting the tires in the auto section roll around the store at high speeds. Seems like they were taking some cues from Rubber...

[Florien]

A vague figure with no visually apparent traits whatsoever bursts out of the employees only section, decked out with an impressive amount of improvised weapons and armor and riding the noblest of steeds, a forklift. Javelins crafted from mop-handles with knives taped on, body armor crafted from pleated butcher's paper, a perfectly normal fire axe, a second fire axe converted into a halberd via use of a much longer handle combined with knife blades welded onto the head, and an apparently unmodified 17th century musket from who-knows-where are only part of the vast arsenal strapped onto their person. How long did they spend in the back room preparing all this? Weeks? Months? It is a mystery.

The figure then dismounts the forklift and hefts a shield made of painted chipboard and ringed and bossed with solder, starting a quick advance towards the bat-winged person, axe in their other hand. On seeing that clearly the potentially flying nature of their target may interfere with the "shield bash and axe them until they stop moving" plan, they throw a makeshift javelin at the bat-winged individual, hoping to prevent them from taking to the air.

[Cassie]

A teen wielding a Casio SA-46 whacks the vague figure hard, then promptly chases down the bat-winged individual, swatting away the wild tires with his keyboard swings.

[madface7]

The hard-hatted girl runs over to the produce aisle and rips open all of the packages of green beans. For some reason, they all look like this:  

The beans all speak in unison: "YOU HAVE RELEASED THE GREAT POWER OF THE VEGETAL. WE ARE AT YOUR COMMAND, GOOD MA'AM."

"I command thee to go kill that kid with the Casio! (You know, maybe we should just start going by our names.)"

"REST ASSURED, HE WILL NOT KNOW WHAT HIT HIM." An incredibly bass-boosted song starts playing as the green beans circle around Libre.

[Cassie]

"Okay, fine, Mad..."

He immediately shoves himself upon a shelf full of various canned foods, from tomatoes, to lychees, to ghee, to stinking sardines.

The shelf collapses away from him, and he hides underneath the horrific, dirty rubble in hopes to avoid the green beans.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

Playing is sitting inside the canned foods aisle.



"Why not try some green beans? They're good for you."

[madface7]

"Why don't YOUUUUUU try some 🅱️eans, Playing?"

Mad opens her mouth and a stream of baked beans come flying in a powerful geyser of greasy legumes, aimed right toward Playing.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

Playing dodges the baked beans.


"They aren't as healthy as the GREEN ONES!"


Playing tosses spinach at Mad.

[madface7]

The spinach slaps on Mad's face, and she eats it.

"Oh, yeah, Playing? Well, I'll BEAN you!"

Her hands turn into beans, and she knocks Playing upside the head.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

"You wanna play that game, ay? Well, I can do that too!"


Playing tosses canned corn on Mad's face.

[madface7]

Mad eats the can and spits out the corn.

[Cassie]

Libre whacks Mad in her head with his Casio SA-46 with the force of a large can of ghee falling at terminal velocity.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

Playing throws frozen broccoli in Libre's hair.

[Cassie]

Disgusted, Libre flings a full can of ghee upon Playing, hitting him with enough force to badly damage his skull.

[Florien]

The thusfar silent featureless figure in improvised equipment speaks.

You understand, of course, that butter is a terrible weapon, whether it be clarified or nay. I come to negotiate peace, with the greatest negotiatory tool. AXE TO THE FACE!

And with that, the figure swings their fire axe directly at Libre's face. As Libre attempts to dodge, the figure smashes Libre in the groin with the haft of one of their javelins, causing him to fall to the floor, writhing in pain. The figure then proceeds down the aisle, and on entering another one, grabs several containers of cooking oil.