The Magical Vending Machine

[Cassie]

The Pizza is spat back onto your mouth. The machine hates such a thing.

I insert a block of palm oil.

[josh6243]

You get a long screed on how palm oil is damaging the environment from the vending machine.

I insert a belated edit to the machine to avoid breaking the rules.

[Kennifer]

You get a copy of the "Da Rules" book from The Fairly Oddparents.

I insert a copy of Among Us and a note about it being Opposite Day.

[NebulaChimera2211]

You get 2 armed Crewmates and 8 Impostors. The latter immediately run away from the former.

I insert a cartoony, oversized key.

[Clancy]

You unlock the machine, only to be immediately vaporized by the eldritch energies within.

I insert an intercostal clavicle.

[josh6243]

You get a script written by Katharine Hepburn.

I insert all Donkey Kong Country Super Nintendo cartridges into the machine.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

You get an entire jungle world with Donkey and Diddy Kong.

I insert a Ghostbusters Photon Pack.

[Superjohn 2.0]

You get the Nes Ghostbusters game, eww.


I insert my self esteem.

[NoahStratos]

The machine ejects out an empty box.

I insert Gavial and a inflatable balloon of a crudely drawn Vector the Crocodile.

[Cassie]

You get a badly drawn gijinka crocodile drawn on a sheet of rubber.

I insert cough syrup into the machine.

[josh6243]

You get a Flaming Homer cocktail from the machine.

I insert a picture of Al Sneed and Charles Tamzarian enjoying a beer in front of Sneed's Feed and Seed.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

You get a Charles Entertainment Cheese token from the '90s.



I insert a stop sign

[Whistle]

You get a go sign.

I insert my livelihood.

[Clancy]

You get someone else's manhood.

I insert two hard-boiled eggs. [HONK!] Make that three hard boiled eggs.

[josh6243]

You get a nice tuna salad with those hard-boiled eggs sliced and julienned.

I insert a pizza MacGuffin.

[MadameButterflyKnife]

You get an Midas Pizza! Everything this pizza touches will turn to pizza-oh. Oh no....


I insert a packet of hot chocolate.

[Cassie]

You get a packet containing powdered, freeze-dried chocolate. Don't eat it, or else...

I insert a youtube URL into the machine.

[Caliburn]

You get a vinyl record of Rick Astley's Greatest Hits. Every song on the record is Never Gonna Give You Up.

I insert a pack of chewing gum.

[josh6243]

You get a pack of ABC gum.

I insert a bottle of Siracha chili sauce.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

You get a dry ice cube.



I insert a broken laptop charger.

[TenOfSwords13]

The Magical Vending Machine gets charged up. somehow, the broken charger is good at charging these sorts of things

i insert a glove

[josh6243]

The machine slaps you in the face and asks you to duel it with pistols.

I insert fanart from Pixiv.

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

The machine proxies/prints out for you some related Safebooru and Deviantart fanart. Fortunately, all of them seem to be safe for work...

I throw in an entire cookie.

[josh6243]

You get a huge sandwich cookie filled with cookie-flavored cream. Upon closer inspection, the sprinkles are cookie-shaped as well and even taste like cookies. The bag that said sandwich cookie came in was even shaped like a cookie as well. Now, that's dedication to the cookie theme!

I insert a null edit.

[noodlesnook]

you get sucked into the inter-dimensional void that has somehow been contained in the machine.

i insert a rusty bronze-age sword ( that was totally not stolen from a museum ), some cooked salmon, and an oddly large, white elk.