The Magical Vending Machine

[josh6243]

You get a completely normal bag of chips. Nothing too fancy about that.

I insert a tandoor, some lamb ribs, shish kebabs, and doner kebabs into the machine.

[Kennifer]

The machine attempts to skewer you. Oof.

I insert Bing (the search engine).

[PointMaid]

...You get a creepily hovering little fairy following you named 'Bing'

I insert an encyclopedia.

[josh6243]

You get a printed transcript of whatever was in the encyclopedia.

I insert the Kinnikuman manga.

[NoahStratos]

You get Incineroar.

I insert a glitter bomb and a Shiny Charm.

[JKBenbot]

You get a shiny charm that produces shiny Pokémon more but they have worse stats and are covered i.n glitter for ever.

I put in my horrible performance in BIA 3

[Dookie]

You get a ban from future BIA rounds, or any Murderverse game hosted by me.

I put in a bagel.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

You get a whole baker's dozen.

I insert sunflower seeds.

[Kennifer]

Whoa there are birds flying out of the machine now, cool!


I insert a photo of Dusty in "cat loaf" mode.

[Cassie]

Oh hey, it's a cat-shaped loaf of bread. HOLY SHIT! IT'S ALIVE! [bees]

I insert an egg salad.

[wingedcatgirl]

You get a salad egg; a verdant-colored egg that, if nourished, will hatch into a salad.

I insert all my anger and fury and tuna salad

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

You get the Swamp Thing.

I insert a box of tissue.

[NoahStratos]

You get a roll of toilet paper.

I insert a bag of poker chips and a loaf of bread.

[josh6243]

You get a bag of potato chips and a bread loaf-shaped mound of money.

I insert a dry-aged angelic being.

[a-boy-playing-with-rubiks]

You get Satan, fresh outta the pool!


I insert an apple.

[Cassie]

You get an orange. Oh wait it's a pear.

I collect my spit, put it in a bucket, and shove the whole thing down the machine.

[Kennifer]

You get... a bunch of those saliva-based DNA test kit things.

I insert my old cell phone.

[JKBenbot]

You get a new one, of the same model!

I put myself in the Vending Machine.

[Clancy]

You come out as a whole new vending machine, with your face plastered all over the surface. Said faces are distorted into a silent scream of pure agony.

I insert a VHS tape.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

You get 35mm film reels and a movie theater to watch them all on.

I insert milk.

[josh6243]

You get rice, almonds, and soybeans.

I insert shawarma.

[JKBenbot]

You get a Skittles Bag and a You Mad Sign.

I insert the horrific my face vending machine and my self into the vending machine

[Cassie]

...the fuck. There's a vending machine inside the vending machine.

I unload trash upon the machine.

[wingedcatgirl]

The machine gives you a bill for trash disposal services.

I insert an egg.

[Clancy]

You get some sperm! ...Ew!

I insert a drop of my blood.