Life's A Beach

[Huney]

"Ah, war behind the scenes... I get it."

"So random shot in tha dark, we're expected ta sus out the people on the otha side, particularly tha more dangerous extremists, as they have the ability to kill each night? And the last gang standin' wins?"

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Indeed, that is the name of the game, Tony. Most of you have betrayed me and Victoria's gangs because you don't like how we all operate, how we have to kill each other. But we both have a few loyalists on our sides. They will try to kill each other as well as all the traitors. This is something that will decide the ultimate fate of this island. Victoria and I both have our best people out on the job. You can vote them off if you suspect anyone and one of us will perform the executions. You better hope you made the right choice. Just imagine what it would be like if you all ended up killing someone innocent. And trust me, our people will not make things easy for you all.

[MadameButterflyKnife]

Dan takes another smoke. "Hey, Tony, you want a cigarette? That offer goes to everyone else. This situation definitely calls for one."

He takes a look at the rest of the group. Any one of them could stab the other in the back. "Guess all of us need to watch out for ourselves, huh?"

[Huney]

"Depends," Tony grabs a cig. "Ya poison it?"

[Kafkaesque]

The long tangle of trinkets in the shape of a person pipes up.

"...so which side am I on again? Is that a secret or something?"

[MadeOfMilk]

Well, whichever side I'm on... the invasion of Pekopon should go smoothly. Then there will be no more of this silly "gang" crap!

[MadameButterflyKnife]

Dan chuckles at Tony's accusation. "I got no poison on me. Can't say the same for nitroglycerine, though." He pulls out his lighter. "You need a light?"

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

You all know whose sides you're all on. And I'm not going to tell who. You can all figure it out for yourselves. You all look like a smart bunch of people. Maybe you'll figure it out quickly. Or not. Guess we'll see. Just a word from me though. To anyone here who is and who were affiliated with the Crows, you will all die and I will not shed a tear for any of you. But for you Sharks who betrayed me. If you want to surrender and come back to my side, that can be arranged. Strength in numbers, after all. But I'm already trying to get my daughter to see things my way and that's enough of a load as it is. So for the traitors, keep going against me and the ones still loyal to me, I guarantee you, we will not show mercy. The Sharks will fight on and free the island from anything that invades the outside world. So either join me now, or die.

[KungFuCutbug]

[Peanut had just been silently listening to Shoehorn's speeches for the past several minutes. A team deathmatch of sorts? Give her a break! The last time a Cape Callanite was thrust into a game of murder, it was Snake. She'd say unwillingly, but nah, he and Nylaehs both knew full-well what he was getting into before he left. Sure enough, he died on the set, but Nylaehs was able to bring him back... sort of. Peanut remembers that there was something fundamentally different about him once he was brought back to life. Something off. Eh, maybe she's just not used to seeing him with half-red ears instead of fully pink ones yet. All she can do is cross her nubby little fingers and hope she doesn't have to experience whatever it was that changed him upon resurrection.]

So... A gang war, huh, slacker? Is that all this is? I was hoping for something a bit more exciting and a bit less like, death-y, y'know? But I guess we can't all have what we want, otherwise you would've like, nuked that Peanut-darned hotel a long time ago. [Did. Did she just use her own name in the place of God's in “god-damned”?]

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Ahh, my little squirrel friend, , Jimmy says as he pats her head, I've been trying for years to get that hotel off the island. So many people have died in this war. But now I have the feeling it's all going to come to an end soon. And victory will fall on my lap. This island will be free again.

[PointMaid]

Gang war? With innocents in the crosshairs too? That's bound to get messy. I don't know that it's going to help the animals, either. Won't she just... bring in more people? Maybe try high-grade ecotourism. Help the locals help the environment themselves. Rude spring breakers can't afford an expensive safari.

[Huney]

"A Capone member always has 'is own light, don't worry about me." Tony takes out a lighter, lighting up the cigarette and taking a drag.

"What're you complainin' about? Isn't being the one who survived a gang war get you a good few clicks?"

[KungFuCutbug]

[Peanut leaps backwards when Shoehorn tries to pet her.] HEY! Watch it! I can't like, have my hair getting messed up, slacker! [She inhales, trying to calm herself down from... that.] But anyway... Yeah, I hope this war of yours ends like, really soon. I don't wanna die, not when I've got like, sooo many fans worrying about me. Who wins? Who cares! Just like, stop putting innocent people's lives on the line for the sake of keeping or getting rid of the hotel, slacker!

[At Tony's comment, she scoffs.] Yeah, I STILL don't have the wifi password, so it's not like I can just like, tell all my followers that I'm in a gang war. ‘Sides, what if I like, die? You can't get famous in heaven, slacker!

[MadameButterflyKnife]

Dan pockets his lighter once more. "Uh-huh. Shoehorn, right? What will happen when all this is over and done? I cannot speak for everyone else, but it would be nice to get off this island once I've done my business here."

[Huney]

"Sure ya can. Most of the famous people ever are dead now."

[KungFuCutbug]

They got famous BEFORE they died, knucklehead. Once you're dead, it's like, totally over, slacker. No second chances at getting in the spotlight. I don't wanna risk it. Going off what Dan said, I've got like, people waiting for me off-island! I can't just die here all forgotten and stuff, slacker!

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Oh, Reina, how old are you? Like 17 or so? People at a very young age like you think they all the answers to the world. They think they know everything and can end all the world's problems in one go. My Hyacinth is a few years older than you and she thinks like you to. But what you all don't realize is sometimes for the greater good, you have to get your hands bloody. Remember the Civil War? People died, sure, but it was to end slavery all across America. In the end, it was for a great cause. And what else can I say? Damage has already been done as it is. And after this is all over, she won't be bringing in more people. Because I will kill her myself and feed her body to the sharks. Right before I take apart the hotel, brick by brick. And Dan, it all depends on who wins in the end. If the traitors vote off the loyalists, you can all do as you wish. Stay, leave, it doesn't matter. Maybe my daughter or that soft Crow Eri can get you all whatever you want. But if one of our gangs manage to kill each other off as well as those who betrayed us, then I suppose they will do with the island as they see fit and reward those loyal to them with anything they want.

[Dookie]

Meanwhile, not knowing that she has become the bane of many members’ existence, Victoria is humming a diddy whilst playing at the arcade.

[Huney]

"How bout like, Van Gogh, Tesla. They were celebrated after their deaths 'n all that."

Another drag off the cigarette.

"This is, of course, if you die. You won't die."

[KungFuCutbug]

[Peanut just crosses her arms, pouting.] W-well! I'd rather be alive to like, bask in the fame than have it all showered over my ratty little corpse! Hmph! [She... seems to have missed the “you won't die” part.]

[MadeOfMilk]

The Keronian's expression falls as his pupils shrink.

Kero.... I took the wrong ship, didn't I?

[MadameButterflyKnife]

Dan turns to Peanut. "Maybe you won't die forgotten. If there's anything I know, it's that people love a mystery. Some unexplained phenomena that they can theorize about and make their own conclusions. People aren't fascinated by the everyday. They're fascinated by what they can't explain. And someone like you, from what I can see already known by many, suddenly disappearing off the face of the earth?"

He takes another drag. "Well, miss, I think you're a national sensation in the making."

[Kennifer]

Amanda is just following in silence; all this talk of gang wars and killing is clearly making her uncomfortable. She's got no intentions of dying, if she can help it...

[MadeOfMilk]

Buuutbutbutbutbut wait! Wait! I can't die! I have a platoon that's counting on me! And the planet Keron! I can't die this young! And all the Gundam models I won't be able to build...

[KungFuCutbug]

[Dan's comment causes Peanut to stop for a minute and think.] Huh. You have a point there, slacker...

[A pause. Then, a low growl.] But what's the POINT of being a national sensation if I'm not even gonna be alive to participate in it?! Aaaaaaaaaaugh!!