[Game] Party to Treason

[wingedcatgirl]

"Well, all right then, I'll vote me as well," Mark says. "Hopefully this goes well."

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

Here goes.

/Vote Mark

[Florien]

Ahllrighty then. Mark's yer chair today, so Ah'll get the edicts together, send'em through in a couple'a hours. But congratulations, don't fuck up, eyes everywhere.

[Florien]

Edict 53-102 has been enacted! The Literacy and Mathematics portion of the educational curriculum will grow, replacing much of the history and geography/astrography portion.

This edict supports the Loyalist Cause.

Fuck yeah! See, y'all can do cool shit when ya put yer mind to it! Anyway, Ah'll need yer help with a thing in a bit, but for now, jus' bask in yer glory an' good decisions, like a... thing that basks, Ah guess.

[Cassie]

Like a shark! (ayo wha there's not many kinds of basking sharks bruh) I told you, Moldy! I told you Mark can be trusted!

Bandu blows some bubblegum.

[PointMaid]

Fantastic!

Well done. This time. Brain just slow-claps.

[Florien]

Anyway, Ah said Ah needed yer help with somethin'. So let's get ta that. Ya see, our authors are kinda... not in the office today because Ah may have accidently got them poached by the next settlement over. So uh... Ah'll need ya to write a few things while we wait for replacements. Here's what Ah need from each of ya.

Ah need two patriotic math problems. Ya know the type, the "Five Noble Perfect Alliance Sorts do so-and-so many good things against those evil wicked traitors, solve for some x or other". 

Ah also need some literary passages to dissect. Obviously, propaganda type things. Apparently Sendri's been promisin' ta get the readin' list reduced ta one book written by them, but they haven't made that book yet, so we need a stop-gap. Ah jus' need one of these from each of ya, jus' have a thing, paragraph, sentence, doesn't matter, with a lot of symbolism in it that praises the Alliance.

An' while Ah'm thinkin' of it, come up with a reason biology or economics or some other science means the Alliance is the best. For example, "the basic principles of physics, most notably the second law of thermodynamics, means that the Alliance is the best place because we minimize our entropy output, thus extendin' the life of the universe by thousands of years" or somethin' like that. Jus' one of those.

Challenge is go.

[PointMaid]

Pinky and Brain's Plan

...This shouldn't be too hard. Just…stay over there while I do some writing, Pinky?

Aw...Narfburgers..

PATRIOTIC MATH PROBLEMS! Ah, yes. Ahem:
ONE. You start out with seven Alliance settlements under your command. Each settlement annexes three others every year. These settlements likewise will begin annexing settlements at that same rate, which will now be under your command. How many Alliance settlements do you end up commanding after ten years?
TWO. Sendri receives five birthday presents from each loyal resident. If a single proper birthday present for Sendri requires sixteen hours of credits to purchase, how many credit hours does it take to purchase 1,000 presents, and how many loyal people's presents does that represent?

Now… A PATRIOTIC LITERARY PASSAGE!
I know you said to be quiet. But. Brain. Can I at least try this one?
...Fine, Pinky. You can give it a try. But if you mess up...
...Aw, Brain. You're the best friend!
Anyway. Once upon a time there was a little group of spacefaring people called the Alliance. They were all alone in the big, wide Universe. There were a lot of people not in the Alliance out there. But because the people loved the others they could see, and the  leaders of the Alliance were so clever, the Alliance grew and grew. They made many, many others see things their way, and want to join the Alliance, 'cause it was just the best, and everyone could see that! They wanted access to the tech, and trade, and everything else that came with the Alliance, because ruling a LOT has advantages. And that's how the awesome Alliance came to be! The End!
...That's, um. Yes, I suppose that will work, Pinky.

And finally WHY SCIENCE SAYS THE ALLIANCE IS THE BEST.
Well, now. It's really basic economics, really. The Alliance is so big, it's a huge market. And it's so big it has a lot of the best engineering and physics and inventing minds. If you want to partake of the trade the Alliance offers without barriers, and learn at its' excellent Universities, and so on, well, it's advantageous to join the Alliance! Before you're forced to by, well, force, which would be disadvantageous to your economic situation. Ergo, join the largest military and economic conglomeration you can, which is the Alliance.

[MadeOfMilk]

Learning with Steve!

Ugh... y'know, I thought I was done with this school crap a long time ago...

Alright, math:
1. There are 53 prisoners and 24 of them are slated to get their dicks personally cut off by Director Sendri. How many prisoners didn't have dicks in the first place?
2. The Alliance has a shitload of dissidents. 10 more dissidents got crushed by a tank legs-first than those who got crushed head-first, and twice as many got shot. How many dissidents got crushed head-first?

...Reading? Who the hell even reads these days? What, it's required? God damn nfnghrmlhrrr... oh uh, anyways:
One fine day, Director Sendri was passing through their dominion when they suddenly got jumped by 69 protestors. The protestors tried assassinate the Director by cutting off their ass. Unfortunately for them, Director Sendri is gloriously assless, giving them an advantage when they called in some targeted nukes. The Great Director Sendri then left the area before the nukes hit and the protestors became Allfield Fried Traitors. And that, kids, is why taking certain words too literally is punishable by death in the grand dominion of the Alliance! And also why having a flat ass is patriotic.

And uh.... oh, science, finally we're at the cool stuff! So uh:
The Alliance is the best at chemistry. Why? Well, you need chemistry to make ammunition. Who produces at lot of its own ammunition? The Alliance. Therefore mixing chemicals and making stuff go boom is patriotic. Class dismissed.

[Kennifer]

Eridan's Eriplan

Two math problems:
"if there are 413 traitors and it takes 8 minutes to execute each one and make sure theyre dead and shit howw many days a wworkin 7 hours with a half hour lunch break wwill it take to eliminate them all"

"if the alliance can fully indoctrinate 11 kids a day and theres 134 school days a semester how many semesters will it take to indoctrinate three thousand kids"

Literary passage:
"one time sendri ran into this idiot wwho wwouldnt stop flappin his fuckin yap about bein right about evverythin
so sendri challenged him to a trivvia contest and won handily
possibly because the contest wwas rigged but nobody could provve that
anywway sendri wwon and shot the idiot in the face wwith a super powwerful rifle the end"

SCIENCE!:
wwell obvviously im goin to go wwith physics here
you need all sorts a that to properly execute enemies like ballistics and figurin out the counterwweights and shit for hangin
and the alliance is the best at executin enemies so obvviously physics can provve this

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

The Costanza Plananza

All right, math problems. Let's see... Problem number 1: The factories in the Alliance help produce over 1'200 weapons per day. But then someone steps in and increases the production of the factories where they produce four times the weapons. Take the original production numbers and multiply it by four, how many weapons will they produce? And problem number 2:  Let's say the Alliance has 400 traitors, but they can only get rid of 1/4 of the group on the day. So out of the number of traitors we have and the 1/4 being killed, how many traitors are left?

And for literary lessons: tell the story of Captain Risner, someone who came out of nowhere to become the most powerful commanding officer of the Alliance. He came from a dirt-poor family until he joined in the ranks of the Alliance. And Risiner quickly made a name for himself, slaughtering many enemies with various techniques that has made not only him feared, but also gives warnings to those who go against the Alliance. And with effort like that, Risner became one of the most prominent figures of the Alliance and he talks about it non-stop, singing nothing but praises. Risner himself said that if it weren't for the Alliance, he would be nothing. And if you join the Allaince, it will make all your dreams come true.

And for science, biology! All of the various techniques learned through biological study have made such great advancements, not only are they able to cure all known ailments, they will also provide supplements to make people more physically, emotionally and mentally superior. Because that's what the Alliance does. It makes one stronger.

[Florien]

Okay, let's have a look at yer submissions so far... Alright. Ah think... okay, here we go.

Pinky, Brain, yers is good. Ah like the math. Patriotic math, nothin' really dissent-y in there. The literacy passage is good, but it doesn't have much symbology ta dissect. Might be difficult to fill out a whole couple hours of that. Yer economic reasonin' is really good. It'll attract libertarian eyes. Now, they're not about ta jump in an' join us, but certainly, the richer ones may decide we're a safe investment, an' the broke ones'll help with our apologia.

Steve, Ah like yer first problem, but the word "Shitload" in reference to a quantity of dissidents is kinda... questionable. It implies that people are tryin' ta leave the Alliance all the time. Also it's got one constant an' two variables. Specifically, yer lookin' fer x, but ya've got the equation (x+10)+2x+x=y, so yer gonna have a bit of a problem solvin' fer x outright. Ya can describe x in a few ways, but Ah don't think it's solvable with the information given. So uhh... Ya end up with 10=y-4x which is uhhh... jus' 10=10. Wait, ya could move the 10 from the y back over an'... no, that jus' means 0=0. Fuck. Uhh... Yeah ya might be missin' a second constant there as an anchor point for the situation. Wait, what if Ah... no, that doesn't work either. Fuck. Anyway, the literary section seems alright. Evil traitors gettin' their dues. Ah like the "chemistry says the Alliance is cool because we got some guns". It's true an' provable, while not sayin' much.

Eridan. Yer first math problem is great. It does imply some inefficiencies in the capital punishment system, but it overall is good. The second one is where things rapidly go downhill. Ya described what we're doin' as "indoctrinatin'". It's like yer tryin' ta come off as treacherous, an' considerin' what Mark said, that might be true. Ya then imply Sendri's a cheater in the literacy section! For shame. That physics says we're great though, that's a good one. Ah like it anyway.

George! Yer math things are good. First tells a story of ingenuity supportin' the Alliance, an' people love stories of the individual makin' things better. They're rarely true in any case, but people love them all the same. Gives them someone ta identify with. Really good start. Second one is also pretty good, though not as good. It implies that we're unable ta keep up with our prisoners, rather than able but not needin' ta. Ah'll tweak the wordin' a bit, an' cut off the ends where what exactly yer gonna end up doin' is explained. They're nice, simple word problems though. Yer literacy thing is great! Fuck yeah, ya really listened ta what Ah requested. Ya created a parable with potential themes to analyze, it's great, an' conveys an inspirin' message of loyalty an' triumph. The science skills of the Alliance are a nice touch too. We do have all kinds of improvements over normal biology, at least in theory.

[Cassie]

Bandu's Fun Basics In Education And Learning Class (guaranteed not gonna get sued by Baldi or Dave Suss Moogus cuz they're Moldy rebels trust me -Bandu)

Math Problems:

1. An Alliance-sponsored flag factory usually makes 784 flags every two weeks. BUT! Resourcing troubles meant that the factory couldn't make any that's properly colored by the fifth day and it's not until the ninth day did they got the necessary dye again. How many flags must they make per day to make up for it?

2. Tyler Black decided to fuck it and go out of the country. But of course he basically crossed borders illegally, little shit. Now the Alliance cops are gonna fucking arrest him if he doesn't go back in. There's a 10 mile distance between where he wanna go to and the nearest police station where he can sort out and make up for the fucking crime he's doing right then, and only 1 hour on foot to either do that or go permanently on the run once he's gotten there. Since he's 35% on his way to where he wanted to go, what's the best choice he can make on time?

Literacy:

One day, Bambitie was not feeling right. Ringio asked why. He said "feeling hollow in my life for frankly too long right now". This fucking sucked because lemme tell you, poor Bambitie was just 7 years old at the time.

So Ringio brought him a book about foreign civics, Alliance civics at that. Bambitie didn't get it at first, but even then he could feel that hole in his soul filling up with each and every word of the book he saw, every second, and the picture of Sendri lookin' at him with confidence. Soon enough he was a joyful boy once more, and hasn't changed since.

His friends may have taught him about civics too early, though it was never too early or late to teach anyone about the Alliance.

Science:

Chemistry! An subject the Alliance is an absolute groundbreaker in, they understand the chemistry of everything! From the most efficient power sources, to the highest-quality materials of the very building blocks of your home, to quality meals, and down to the relationships in all walks of life! The Alliance! Masters of the chemistry that is life!

[Florien]

Alright, let's check yer work Bandu.

First, Ah like the first math problem... though it might need a little work. 48.8 is a weird result... unless ya mean production stopped at the end of the fourth day rather than at the end of the fifth, in which case it works out. We'll go with that. There is the little issue that it implies we can have trouble with allocations, which, kinda unpatriotic, but workers steppin' up an' doin' what's right ta remedy the situation seems good enough. Second one... No idea who this "Tyler Black" is, but he sounds real treasonous runnin' away like that. It's presented too heroically though. Ah do like the loyalty test angle though, where anyone who ever answers he should keep goin' on out is wrong an' will be punished. The main problem is that he's leavin' at all. No one should want to leave. Yer literacy bit is quite good. Tellin' people how to find their meanin' an' better, tellin' them it's with us, that's good. The goal is really ta twin literacy an' propaganda, an' that's a good attempt. Chemistry is good. We do do chemistry. It's all pretty standard stuff, an' elevatin' our scientific achievements is always good. We plagiarize from the best, as is said.

[wingedcatgirl]

The Alliance Is Fucking Sweet And You Should Praise Them Every Day, by Mark February

Math, Part 1:
There are three Alliance Patriots escorting three Vicious Rebels to their well-deserved life imprisonment. They need to cross a river, but the only available boat can only hold two people, and if the Rebels ever outnumber the Patriots on either side, they'll try to kill them. (They probably won't succeed, but we still don't want them trying.) The boat needs at least one person rowing it to cross the river. How do the Patriots ferry themselves and the Rebels across safely?

Hint: The Rebels know they'll be shot if they try to run, so they won't do that even if left completely alone on their side of the river.

Math, Part 2:
There are twenty towns in a rebel state. Alliance forces are able to take one every day, but it costs five percent of their current forces. If the regiment has less than fifty percent of their starting forces, they will be unable to take more towns. When will the regiment need to request reinforcements?

Hint: It's not day 10.

Literature:
The Tale of the Lost Child: Once upon a time there was a small child named Pat. Pat had no parents for reasons not particularly relevant to this story, and was unable to support themself all on their own. Pat was not happy with this arrangement.

One day Pat somehow coincidentally stumbled across one or more (note to editor: please replace this with whatever number makes most sense for the metaphor) parents who were looking to adopt lost children. Pat was hesitant at first - they didn't know these people, could they trust them? But because of how the law works Pat didn't actually have a choice in the matter.

Luckily for Pat, it turned out that having a proper set of parents is very good and important for a child. Pat contributed to the household in the ways reasonably expected of small children, and in return Pat had a household instead of being all on their own. The end.

Reading question: Imagine if, instead of a small child, Pat was a planet outside of the Alliance. What would that make the parents? What does this suggest about the Alliance's cause?

Science:
Economy of Scale: Have you ever tried making just a single cup of Alliance-Brand Chilled Drink mix? It's a pain, isn't it? Even if you only want one cup right now, it's way easier to make a whole jug and save the rest for later.

Everything is easier to make (per unit thing) when you're making a whole lot of it! But you're just one person - you can't make five hundred jugs a day of Alliance-Brand Chilled Drink mix all by yourself, even if it is technically easier.

That's why the Alliance is very big! With lots of people, we can make lots of things very easily! And that's why it's important for the Alliance to keep getting as big as it can, to make even more things.

Group project: Get together with your classmates and make something for the Alliance. Take note of how much more you can do than by yourself. Now think about how much entire planets stand to gain if they joined the Alliance.

"... Yeah I don't remember grade school at all."

[Florien]

Mark, let's...

...

Well, Ah know we talk a big game about patriotism an' things, but that's the first time... Well. That's... Genuinely impressive. The problems work out, Ah think... Rebel-Patriot cross patriot back rebel rebel cross rebel back patriot patriot cross rebel back to pick up the last patriot... Wait fuck no then there's two rebels ta one, so let's go back... Wait does bein' on the boat count as bein' on the side? Fuck, uhh... Gonna say no, it usually doesn't in these things. Yeah it works out. Ya included a readin' question, which, that's jus' completely non-required but amazin' an' makes things easier on mah end. An explanation of economies of scale that's simple ta understand an' a class activity? It's just generally amazin'.

[Florien]

Ah still need some drafts from Asuka, CATS, an' Monaca. So as soon as y'all can patch those together, that would be good. Oh, An' Mark is yer presidin' member next round of votin', jus' lettin' ya know so ya can think about that while Ah wait fer yer remainin' things.

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

Monaca's Patriotic Plan of Education!

Math:
1. The Alliance finds a new galaxy, completely ripe for integration! Assuming that said galaxy has 100 billion planets if the Alliance starts with one planet, and each day, every planet "integrates" another planet,  how long will it take until the entire galaxy is integrated?
2. An Alliance enforcer team has found a city where rumors of dissent and chaos, no doubt spurred by bad apples, have been rolling around. Assuming there are 6 million people inside the city, there are six people inside each building, and at least 1 out of 1000 people inside the city are part of the rebellion rumors in one way or another, how many buildings at minimum, does the team have to check?

Literature:
A planet, one day, was thrust from its sun for one reason or another. Left cold and dim, civilization quickly descended to chaos, desperate to cling on to whatever bit of normalcy they could. In addition, raiders would often extract what little resources were left, leaving the planet in a battered state... Just when all hope was lost, a brilliant light revealed itself to the planet, more radiant and brighter than anything the planet's inhabitants would ever see. And not only that, the sun was itself surrounded by many planets of its own, teeming with life. As the planet joined the new solar system, the inhabitants rejoiced as they not only reclaimed the light at the end of the tunnel... but found their new home.

Economics/Science:
Remember: Space is much bigger than you might think! So much bigger that even LIGHT, the fastest thing in existence, would take 200,000 years to travel across a galaxy. So why not join the Alliance! Not only will you not be alone in the cold cosmos, you'll be able to access the deepness of space easier and closer to home!

[Risdio51]

"Ah, math, I shall crush you!"

"Problem 1: 30 Rebel scum are all captured and lined up. If the soldiers all presumably aim perfectly, and it takes 2 shots to kill each rebel, how many bullets will be needed?"

"Problem 2: Our great and glorious leader who I TOTALLY remember the name but won't name because…uh…religious reasons! That's why! Anyways, he must give a great speech! About how our country is great and amazing, yadda yadda, and he can speak 3 words per second. How long will his speech be if it's 300 words long?"

"Next up, literature! How about repurposing a German bedtime story? One of my favorites that my foster mother use to tell me all the time, it's one of my favorites! Ahem…one day, a little boy did not pay enough respects to our great and wonderful country, so Hodenverstümmelung came to his house and obliterated his manliness. He now has no hoden. The end! Ah, just thinking about it is lulling me to sleep…

"And of course, physics! Again, Germany? Einstein? Just steal his stuff and pretend someone from here came up with it!"

[Zanreo]

CATS's Teaching of (Hopeful) Alliance Approve

Math:

1: One week, 30 traitors got discover and set up the punishment, but next one there were 20% more found. How many traitor were found second week?

2. If Allfield manages producing 28730 cans for contain various goods a day, how many days would it take until make 517140 cans?

Literature:
"There once were these two guys, name, um... Bob and Rob. Bob had always being Alliance-loyal, knowing with no doubts they knew the best for running of everything, and though sometimes work feel tough, was also feel rewarding, and he eventually ended up live his best life in the high position. Now Rob... Rob was what can described as "dirty traitor". Though he'd pretend being on Alliance side, he secretly plot ways of get out. One day, he somehow barely manage (after which ones in charge letting that slip by get... replace), but foolish Rob never consider just how much Alliance had help. After escape, he found nowhere of going, no one outside to help, and after just week of struggle he end up dying on street like deserve."

Science/Economics:
"Hm... being Labor and Logistics Representative, will go with that. So, you ever been wonder how Alliance manages to provide for all citizens, have all industry working perfect, always have everything run like it should? Thank the Alliance's logistics! With perfect understanding of how best to manage and distribute resources, supplies and goods and all else need, we can all live comfortably under Alliance!'

[Florien]

Alright, great! Y'all submitted on time pretty much! That's a first.

So, anyway, here's what Ah think of yer things. Monaca first. Yer math problems are good. No treason, an' though the number of habitable planets in the galaxy is dubiously high, Ah think it's alright fer a little exaggeration. Good symbolism in yer literacy portion, pretty strong all things considered. Yer science portion, while technically true, other people also have FTL, so uhh... it's a good advertisin' for the untravelled Ah guess. We'll jus' move that there. A solid second place so far, Ah'd give ya points if ya hadn't been beat out already.

Asuka! Let's see yers. Ya... well, rebels are durable yet captured, great, Ah like that, good first problem an'... uhh... ya forgot Sendri's name. Oh sorry, "religious reasons" Yeah. Religion. Sure. Some religion told ya not to say Sendri's name, that religion seems awfully treasonous. An' Sendri's a they. Get it right, people've been shot fer less. Yer plagiarized story is alright. Aside from the lack of applicability to broad swathes. We have to educate shes and theys and other sorts too, an' not all of them can really be intimidated by that sort of thing. Intimidation IS good, but maybe not in every text. That's how ya get bordin'-prep school kids of the absurdly wealthy kind. Eugh.

Lanthanide makes a disgusted sound, as if she's personally experienced that and doesn't remember it fondly.

Anyway, uhh... plagiarize... Einstein. wait, ya want us ta steal a bunch of partially obsolete equations? Like, we had ta unify QM an' QCD an' GR ta get functional FTL travel. Well, that an' strip mine a few moons bare. Point is, it's an idea, but considerin' pretty much every spacefarin' civilization knows those equations, uhh... might be a bit silly ta try ta claim we invented them. Eh. Some old earth dictator claimed they invented meat an' lettuce an' ketchup' in a bun, so Ah guess we could, but we'll have ta keep that in internal propaganda.

Alright. Finally, CATS. Uhh... Yer math is good. It works out an' all. Nothin' treacherous there, Nothin' treasonous in the literature, though it's a bit... basic. We'll give that one ta the learners Ah guess... an' logistics seems good. Yeah, not exactly a science, but "we have good logistics" is a massive leg up over other dictatorships. Most don't have that. Very inefficient business. Ah can't exactly explain how we're doin' it mahself, Ah'd have ta ask someone in the economy department.

Lanthanide thinks for less than a second before delivering her verdict.

Surprisin' no one, hopefully, Mark February's amazin' effort easily wins. So much work, goin' the extra steps, keepin' out treason, it's great. Jus' great. Hell, Ah've submitted ya fer a medal. Anyway, in other Mark February news, he's yer new presidin' member, he has patriot points, an' he better be careful about who he nominates ta chair, because if the rebel leader becomes chair, we're ALL FUCKED.

IS THAT CLEAR? WE'RE ALL FUCKED IF THE REBEL LEADER BECOMES CHAIR.

[wingedcatgirl]

Mark is scribbling on his notes again.

notes

(Replacement notes: Jameson = Bandu, Magane = Steve, Mickey = Mark)

DAY 1
P&B nominate Mickey
Magane votes yes
Asuka votes no
Monaca votes yes
Eridan votes yes
P&B retract their nomination

P&B nominate George
Asuka votes no
CATS votes no
Magane votes yes
Eridan votes yes
George votes yes
Monaca votes yes - George confirmed
REBEL EDICT PASSES

DAY 2
Bandu CATS Bandu nominates Mickey
Eridan votes yes
P&B vote yes
CATS votes yes - Mickey confirmed
LOYALIST EDICT PASSES

DAY 3
Bandu CATS nominates Eridan
George votes yes
CATS votes yes
P&B vote yes
Eridan votes yes
Asuka votes yes - Eridan confirmed
REBEL EDICT PASSES

DAY 4
George nominates P&B
P&B vote yes
Eridan votes yes
Steve votes yes - P&B confirmed
REBEL EDICT PASSES

DAY 5
Eridan
Mark votes no
Bandu votes no
Monaca votes no
CATS votes no
STEVE REPLACES ERIDAN
Steve nominates Mark
Bandu votes yes
George votes yes
Eridan votes yes
Mark votes yes
Monaca votes yes
LOYALIST EDICT PASSED

also at some point CATS accuses George, George accuses CATS and Asuka and P&B, and P&B clear Mark

"This looks right to all of you, right? Cause next I'm gonna count up the votes and... well, probably not learn much, but we'll see."

[PointMaid]

...I think so.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Asuka's been on my case from the beginning, but I really started to come down on her after she blamed me for what happened between CATS and Eridan. Which I think is bull.

[MadeOfMilk]

Eh, we're probably gonna learn more than I did in Algebra back in high school. Who knew throwing paper footballs at the teacher would get me nowhere?