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GET THAT PIZZA!: REBAKED
Pizza Reclaimer MP, hiding amongst the crowd as well, sends out a bunch of snakes to bite Florian and Florien with snake venom. The distraction and resulting chaos created by the snakes gives enough time for MP to slip by and get the Pizza for himself. After escaping the Taj Mahal, however...
I don't understand any of this... I'm in a world of complete insanity...
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MP finds Pizza Poacher Matthew, who had trained rattlesnakes to do his bidding. He sics them onto MP where they bite him. And as he lays in agony, dying from the venom, he also sees Matthew learned some more fancy tricks: with swords. He twirls them around and chops off MP's limbs before impaling him into his heart. He takes the pizza and heads off to the pyramids of Egypt, where he comes face-to-face with...
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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Superjohn, who summoned a army of mummies, who rip Matthew to pieces. He grabs the pizza and goes to eat it inside the pyramid, but suddenly the ground starts to shake violently...
May chaos breaks the rules that bind!
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... as the pyramid rises into the air, revealing rocket thrusters on the bottom! It takes off into outer space and nyooms through the galaxies...

... also Dream throws Superjohn out the airlock and takes the pizza for herself.


"Er, was the pyramid a vehicle, then?"

"It is now."
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.. while that quip comes out a small fleet of mining ships tear apart the pyramid and a certain Asian person grabs the pizza and starts heads towards the center of the galaxy.
I Worship the IT gods.
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But not possible, when Libre crashes onto the new guy and rips half of the Pizza out!

Wait.

HALF!????
E N D L E S S  F U N


quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

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Half a loaf may be better than none, but kitschy expressions aside, Florien and Florian would much rather have the whole metaphorical loaf. (In this case, the Pizza.) Thus, they buy a space heater. Because the universe is, on most scales, basically entirely empty space, the universe rapidly heats up more and more, converting everything into ever hotter and brighter plasma, which in turn becomes a quark-gluon plasma. Everything, that is, aside from the Pizza and the mysteriously indestructible space heater. (And the Florie/ans who are busy exploiting the invulnerability granted to the capturer.) As a result of this situation, the universe becomes much like the early universe, except it's not expanding rapidly at remotely the rate it did during cosmic inflation. The space heater breaks at about this time because it was a terrible cheap sort which breaks after about twenty minutes of use, and the Florie/ans use the newly uninhabited universe as an opportunity to take the Pizza (both halves re-fused together under the intense heat) without competition.

Florien and Florian take the time to wait about a billion years for the universe to become livable again, and hide out on a rocky planet with an appropriately oxygenated atmosphere before any form of life has a chance to evolve or come into being through other means to be able to take the Pizza. Surely it is inaccessible to all others now?
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
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Through temporal shenanigans, Shinrabanashoumon ends up in the past. She takes the pizza before accidentally becoming the ancestor for humanity. Whoops. The pizza was passed down to the modern era before it was snatched by ...
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Pizza Poacher Matthew, who someone managed to not be infected by these time shenigans. He keeps the pizza locked up in his house, hoping to pass it down to further generations, should he ever have kids. But someone comes in guns-blazing, tearing apart his chest, making him fall down dead. Who is this mysterious shooter?
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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Superjohn, who now is the killer cyborg crazy nutso! He takes the pizza and laughs while running away!

"Nothing short of a incredibly well planned trap can stop me now!"
May chaos breaks the rules that bind!
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None other than Pizza Carjacker Dream, here to jack a house as though it was a car! Really, houses are just like cars without wheels, right? Right.

Having blasted the smitheroons out of Matthew and conquered the house for herself, Dream settles down in the driver's seat (aka the master bedroom) and drives the house into the future (aka waits for time to pass).

And then she realizes Superjohn ninja'd her and takes her immediate revenge by stealing his car again and running him over.
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Houses with wheels? Florien and Florian are experienced with such things only by way of the expression "tornado in a trailer park". So the pair fly in on a tornado, riding it with a surfboard. Somehow. Logic is irrelevant, as the radicality is just too much to handle, and Dream begins to become more radical in the geometrical sense as the radicality seeks a place to go. With Dream now a really long ellipse, Florien and Florian claim the Pizza, because Ellipses don't have arms with which to hold Pizza.
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
Reply
Then Libre just crashes into the Florie/ans, making them comically spin, dazed, as he runs off with the Pizza.
E N D L E S S  F U N


quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

Reply
Libre trips, by way of Pizza Poacher Matthew, who takes his baseball bat and hits Libre in the skull, sending his head flying into the sun. He grabs the pizza and heads down a Super Mario pipe, where no one can find him, but someone followed him down there...
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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Shinrabanshoumon's descendent, also named ShinraBanshoumon, who shived Matthew with a knife before tripping down the stairs with the pizza. How clumsy of her. The pizza is stolen by ...
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Pizza Speedster Libre, who has hijacked a motorbike to steal the Pizza.

"How the fuck does a name get passed down through the bloodline like that!? Geez..."
E N D L E S S  F U N


quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

Reply
Superjohn runs Somelibre over with a monster truck, then goes to get the pizza, only to get run over by...
May chaos breaks the rules that bind!
Reply
The Florie/ans, who are using a bigger monster truck! It's so spectacularly large that an entire car could fit within the treads of the tires.

One of the pair gradually descends the enormous ladder and series of staircases bolted onto the side and grabs the Pizza, and then climbs all the way back up into the cab. The pair drive off into the sunset.
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
Reply
Which then eats them. It was a clever illusion by Commander Yammark and her cleverly placed holograms. The hologram spits out an undigested pizza. As she escapes, she trips over a rock, causing the pizza to land in the lap of ...
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