Escape from Zombie Park Island

[Huney]

"Ah, hello Thrivey! I don't believe we met."

[PointMaid]

Good Morning, Thrivey.

Challenge 2

Anyway, now that the zombie situation appears sorted out for now... Of course, you can continue your discussions as you wish, as you work. Please do!

A large bus pulls up, and everyone gets on it – even those still sleeping are tucked into their seats. Eventually, you find yourselves on a small outcrop just south of the main island.

If you hadn't guessed from breakfast, today is ''Australian carnivore day''! Here are my Thylacines, sometimes known as Tasmanian Tigers. Of course, they're not really tigers or felines at all, but marsupials. Marvelous!

I've had a bit of trouble with my previous Thylacine keeper, however. He got mauled! I'm afraid they've developed a taste for human. But they still need their veterinary care, poor dears. I'll need you to develop a regimen for interacting with them and feeding them, and demonstrate that you can do it safely. Here's what I need you to do:

1. Subdue one of the thylacines long enough for my vet to give a physical
2.  Exercise the thylacines! They're getting quite bored and lazy.
3. Develop a way for the public to see our thylacines at close range safely
4. Meal time! Feed the thylacines

As yesterday, please post how you intend to do these, with all your proposed actions at once. I'll be back to grade your efforts. Everything on the list must be done by 10pm Eastern. Good luck!

[Guma]

This coulde be difficult . . . .

First, Rouxls trapped one of the thylacines in a spike barrier and physically tackle it so that the vet could give it a physical. Next, he gathered the thylacines and entreated them to some mind-boggling puxxles (by their standards). He then took out long chain leashes and chained the thylacines to poles—loose enough to be comfy to them, but tight enough so they wouldn't wriggle out. Finally, he fed them his specialty: some exquisite Darkburgers.

[Kennifer]

Kim pondered the task for a while, then she does the following.

First, shoot one of the thylacines with a tranquilizer dart to subdue it just enough that the vet can examine it.
Then, she'd find a place to use as a track and try to get the thylacines to run on it, much like a dog track or horse races.
Third, she'll try to set up a zoo-like enclosure with a Plexiglas wall to separate them from the public but allow observation.
Last, she'll find some kind of (non-human, of course) meat to feed them. Preferably some kind of pork, as she's heard of cannibals referring to human flesh as "long pork" so she figures it might satiate them well enough.

[madface7]

"I got this, lads. Don' worry yerselves."

1. Demo gets the thylacines drunk to subdue them.
2.  Demo gets the thylacines to exercise by getting them riled up courtesy of bagpipes.
3. Demo makes sure the thylacines are just drunk enough to not hurt anyone.
4. Demo feeds the thylacines some haggis.

[Dookie]

"This sounds hard...might as well try."

Elizabeth tries to make friends with the thylacines. Why the hell not? Her plan goes like this:



1. Make one go to sleep with lulabies and food.
2. When they wake up, try to make friends with it. After that, coach it.

"What am I doing what am I doing WHAT AM I DOING WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?"

3. Teach the thylacine not to hurt humans.
4. Elizabeth feeds the creature some meat. Non-human meat.

[TenOfSwords13]

1: Thrivey utilises his medical knowlege to locate pressure points on the thylacines to knock at least one of them out. That should be easy enough, most creatures are the same.
2: Thrivey doesn't have too much experience with non-sapient animals, and as such just tries to get them to run around their enclosure.
3: After briefly considering flat out banning humans from viewing them, Thrivey eventually decides to design some sort of protective garment to defend humans from the thylacines.
4: Thrivey takes some of the thylacines' usual food and distributes it evenly, in regular procedure. I'm not in danger, they've only got a taste for humans, right? ... right?

[MadeOfMilk]

Um... uh...

1. Hide sleeping pills in pieces of meat and give them to the thylacines, just like Mom did
2. Get them into a fenced-off clearing to do their thing
3. Keep them in the fenced-off clearing
4. Dump some meat into the enclosure. On the bone, of course.

[TalesofUnder]

[b]1. Shoot the thylacines with a tranquilizer dart so the medic can examine them.[/b]
[b]2. Place some meat from breakfast at the end of a long obstacle course that requires them to make the most out of their climbing abilities.[/b]
[b]3: Do the same thing Rouxls did, but add in a metal wall with holes cut out, and reinforced glass placed in the holes[/b]
[b]4. Use the rest of the meat from breakfast to feed the tigers.[/b]

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

1. Skiggs uses a tranquilizer rifle to subdue the thylacines.
2. Skiggs gets the thylacines to play with each other to get their exercise.
3. Skiggs gets the thylacines into zoo-like cages, complete with water to drink from and the bars to keep people away.
4. Skiggs feeds the thylacines meat he found.

[Zanreo]

Google Translate, after finishing off the rest of the food she brought from breakfast, gets to work.

1. She starts by shooting them with tranquilizer darts
2. Then, she makes an obstacle course for them
3. She puts them into zoo-like cages with plenty of space
4. Feeds them some tasty steaks

[KungFuCutbug]

[Looks like Pico overslept. Again. Whoops. Well, no time to waste.]

1. >shoot as many thylacines as it takes with tranquilizer darts to subdue them
2. >find some protective gear for yourself to minimize the chances of getting bitten and do some military-style drill sergeant exercises with the thylacines
3. >combine Kim's idea with Rouxls's and set up a zoo-like enclosure with reinforced Plexiglass walls, chaining the animals around the neck to poles comfortably but tightly
4. >feed them the leftovers from breakfast (they probably need it more than you do) and supplement it with any dodo corpses from yesterday's experiment

[He smirks, definitely a lot more confident in this scheme than yesterday's. And since yesterday's scheme ended up going great for him anyway, this should be a cakewalk!] “Let's get the fuck to work. Ten-hut!”

[PointMaid]

Well attempted, everyone! Here are the standings so far:

Rouxls Kaard earned scores of 6, 6, 4 and 6 for a final score of 22. Truly impressive! He tackles the marsupial without mishap, and the puzzles again work brilliantly. They even like the Darkburgers, whatever those are. They don't wriggle out of their chains, either – they chafe just a slight bit at them, though.
Kim earned scores of 4, 3, 5 and 6 for a final score of 18. The tranquilizer works, as does the plexiglass, and no mishap feeding the animals. Perhaps they don't enjoy the track as much as Kim does, however – only a quick dash saves her from a nick from one of the tasmanian tigers.
Tavish Finnegan "Demoman" DeGroot earned scores of 1, 3, 6 and 6 for a final score of 16. The second time he gets them drunk works like a charm, and they love the haggis! But it's a disaster trying to get one of them drunk for its vet visit.
Elizabeth earned scores of 4, 3, 6 and 2 for a final score of 15. Everything else goes okay, and they actually take very well to the peace lessons. Whatever meat she feeds them, though, they don't like much.
Thrivey earned scores of 2, 2, 2 and 1 for a final score of 7. Oh dear. His medical knowledge isn't as complete as he thought, they don't like being run around by a dragon, the protective suit doesn't work particularly well. Worst, he vastly underestimated his danger feeding them – they like Dragon after all.
Isaac earned scores of 6, 5, 6 and 6 for a final score of 23. Amazing! The sleeping pill in the bit of meat works perfectly. They like being in a secluded clearing on their own and run around happily. And they appreciate the meat, brought to them without having to get into the enclosure so Isaac's safe.
Mrs. Mayberry earned scores of 6, 3, 6 and 1 for a final score of 16. Well done tranquilizing the thylacine, and the metal wall allows excellent safe viewing. Apparently, they're really not fond of the breakfast sausage, though. Maybe it's the sage?
Mr. Skiggs earned scores of 5, 1, 4 and 3 for a final score of 13. The tranq dart works well, but he really can't get the thylacines to play nicely together. They have each other all the time, and they're bored of it.
Google Translate earned scores of 2, 5, 5 and 4 for a final score of 16. They really appreciate the obstacle course and cages with lots of space to roam. It takes a little while for the tranq dart to work, though..
Pico earned scores of 1, 1, 2 and 6 for a final score of 10. He's  not a good shot with the tranq darts and runs out, and the protective gear is not as protective as advertised while, er, trying to teach them military exercises. The enclosure is a bit ambitious to execute successfully. But the thylacines love the leftovers.

I'd especially like to say well done to Rouxls and Isaac, exceptional work! I may want to keep you on as thylacine keepers.

[madface7]

"See, lads, the answer to every problem is ta share a good scrumpeh. Cheers, mate!"  Demo drinks from his bottle and burps.

[Dookie]

"Good job! Glad you had luck with them."

[MadeOfMilk]

I... did it? I did it good? M-maybe I'm....

[Kennifer]

Hey, not too bad. 'Least I don't need a first aid kit this time, and I got a decent workout too."

[Florien]

WJB finally shows up, ready to solve the problems of the day.

Step One: Lure a thylacine away quietly with meat, then strike it in the brain-stem area, putting it in a coma, then lock it in silver and gold manacles and give it to the vet for an examination. Surely it will be fine, if it recovers from the coma. Zombies don't die from comas, right?

Step Two: Use the kind of terrifying shit that only the 19th century could come up with, and straps a cattle prod to a long metal spear (with a rubber grip, of course), and zaps them repeatedly from a distance, causing them to have horrific muscle spasms. That's exercise, right? And if they get angry, that's just more exercise!

Step Three: Give the thylacines a bible. Maybe that will teach them to be more Christian and not murder people as much. At worst, they'll say grace before mauling someone to death.

Step Four: Think about what a good plan all of this is, and then wonder if it's Friday. Decide it probably is, and throw some fish into the enclosure, because fish don't count as meat.

This is the absolute best plan ever with no flaws.

[Zanreo]

"Hey, everything is fine! I know obstacle training is a great idea! " (Hey, that went pretty well! I knew that obstacle course was a good idea!

[KungFuCutbug]

[Insert a long string of angry profanities as the scheme in which Pico was more confident literally collapses beneath him.]

[madface7]

Demoman laughs loudly at Pico.

[PointMaid]

*A PA system turns on*

Bodybuilder Willian Jennings Bryan and his Cross of Gold earned scores of 3, 1, 6 and 4 for a final score of 14. They really don't appreciate the cattle prod, do in fact get angry at it… and, not built to modern standards, the cattle prod electrocutes one of the precious, precious thylacines. That bible really works, though, suprisingly. (Until someone tries to take it away from them, but let's not think about that.)

[KungFuCutbug]

“Shut the fuck up!” [Pico shouts at the mocking Demoman.] “If I end up turnin’ into a goddamn zombie ‘cause of this bullshit, you're gonna be my first fuckin’ sacrifice if you don't shut your ass up!”

[Florien]

Wonderful, it worked perfectly. Anyhow, I see no one is dead, so disregard my message saying that any murder was done by Hifumi, for no murder occurred. I do not believe Hifumi to be infected right now, he is presumably yet unplagued.

[Huney]

Step 1 is as simple as Dr. Coomer wrestling one to the floor! No guts, no glory! Haha!
Step 2 comes in once the vet gives them their doses, that's when Dr. Coomer gives them all personal boxing lessons. One! Two! One! Two! He actually gets in a bit of a loop as his scripting gets a bit confused, so this step goes on a bit longer than expected.
Step 3 is just as easy as giving them muzzles and mittens! Very cute mittens, though, Dr. Coomer sees to them getting nice pink ones. The muzzles are also pink, but very durable and tough.
Step 4, Dr. Coomer goes out and personally hunts for meat for the tasmanian tigers, punching out several birds and dragging them back to their den.

"Ha! Easy as pie! Now then, what were we discussing, gentlemen?"