Life's A Beach

[TenOfSwords13]

Do you think I should? I mean, I don't really have fingers, so I'm not sure what I would accomplish...

[Kafkaesque]

> fuck it, put yourself forward. Prove your innocence.

[PointMaid]

I mean, I suppose we could rule you out by checking that it looks like human prints and not paw prints, Sandwich, but I suppose paw prints would work fine for a comparison to rule you out, too?

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

> fuck it, put yourself forward. Prove your innocence. (10)

You end up spilling the ink all over yourself, but hey, at least you were able to prove your prints don't match the one found on Paruko's.

[PointMaid]

Okay, that's me and Seth. We can check your paw prints, Sandwich -- although I was convinced days ago by the way you were acting about Keroro and knew something had happened to them before we'd even found them, plus what we found out about them when they died, that they really probably were your chat-buddy and you were ok.

> Take a good look at the fingerprints. Do they look like they could be paw-prints?

And, um... that's all of us that are alive except Tony, I think. Damn.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

> Take a good look at the fingerprints. Do they look like they could be paw-prints? (9)

They are most certainly not paw prints. In fact, they look human, as if someone with large hands.

[PointMaid]

...You don't say. Is anyone not convinced? I think we need all of us on board this time, if I heard correctly.

[TenOfSwords13]

/vote Tony

I hope we've got this right... then we can leave. We can all go home and forget about this...

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Two votes for Tony. One more needed to drop the hammer.

[wingedcatgirl]

"Tony..." Eri sounds disappointed. "You wouldn't, would you? Surely you wouldn't resort to this..."

[Huney]

"I mean, c'mon. Toldja from the start I was a gangster. I actually wanna get this over with, so..."

/vote Tony

"Spare my spiders, aight? They're innocent in this."

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Well, OK then. Vote for yourself, will you? So shall it be.... Tony Spiders, I will take care of you myself. Got any last words?

[Huney]

"Hm. Think I'm pretty content. I already saw all I needed dead, da rest a you guys're just bonuses. Thing is, which one a you guys keeps switchin' people around? I actually liked dat Gundham kid, treated his guys well. But one a you jerks made me kill him. Hellzat about?"

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Well, I suppose I can grant you this last wish, since this damn war is all over with now. It was Seth, he is the Naturalist. He has actually caused quite a bit of damage, as well as cheating death quite a couple of times himself. He's quite amazing at what he did. That was why he was one hell of a Shark back in the day. Don't know why he chose to betray me. And Reina is the Troubador. As a former Crow herself, she was quite the spy and put her skills to good use when investigating and why she ultimately fingered you. While PBJ is the other Online Friend and also a former Crow like Keroro. Too bad you lost your buddy. Two of you together were like peas in a pod. But such is war. You more often than not lose the ones close to you. Well, come along, Tony, and let's get this over with.


Jimmy walks up to Tony and takes him by the hand as the two begin walking out of the hotel.


Nature is quite the dog-eat-dog world out there. Predators hunt prey for food. All willing to sink their teeth into whatever so they can be fed. And if the prey is not diligent enough, they'll end in the stomachs of the predators. And now it's your turn to become food.


Jimmy shows him a pit below. Inside are ravenous wolves, eyeballing Tony, all of them ready to eat. Jimmy strips Tony's clothes off, takes a bucket and pours it all over Tony, getting hog meat and blood all over him.


These wolves haven't had a decent meal in days. They are really hungry. I hope they'll find you a delicious meal...


Jimmy kicks Tony into the pit, where the wolves swarm all over him. He screams as the wolves sink their teeth into his body, ripping the flesh off the bones like a candy wrapper. As they chew on the flesh and snap the bones like twigs, Tony screams quite horribly as he gets eaten all over, finding himself stripped to the bone. Eventually the screams stop as one of the wolves bite him on the neck, silencing Tony for good as the wolves finish their meal. Eventually they all leave, leaving a mutilated skeleton, with hardly anything resembling skin and flesh left. Jimmy looks down at the body.


Tony was the Twitter Mob Leader.


Despite the fact he killed off the last Crow, Jimmy isn't happy at all. Just despondent as he shakes his head. He stays quiet for a couple of minutes before he begins talking.


Well, Victoria.... all of the ones loyal to the two of us are now dead. Looks like we've reached an impasse now...

[PointMaid]

Reina stares at that in a bit of disbelief. That is... brutal.

[wingedcatgirl]

"... shoulda quit while you were ahead," Eri mutters in the general direction of Tony's corpse.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Jimmy, still despondent, looks at Eri.

Okay.... you win. You and my daughter.... you both win.... I wonder how Victoria feels about all this?

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Meanwhile a boat appears and docks itself on the island and a horn blares through the island.

All aboard!

There's your ship so you can all leave. Feel free to ask one question before you all go if you want to.

[PointMaid]

Reina looks around, eyeing the boat. She thinks of asking where her dad went when they kidnapped her for this, how they expect her to explain this one, and, um, whether she can get High School credit for this. Or at least put it on her college applications. But she thinks better of it.

...Okay, fine. Those hairs we found on Paruko. I admit it's kinda bothering me. Those were Tony's, but dyed, right? He was trying to frame me with the blue?

[Kafkaesque]

Seth shrugs.

"I have a lot of questions, actually. But I doubt you know, for instance, why Schrodinger thought anyone would buy the concept of a zombie cat."

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Truth be told, Reina, yes. Those were Tony's hairs. And he actually dyed them all with food coloring he found, all in an attempt to frame you, PBJ and Paruko. For some reason, he didn't even bother to try and take any of the hairs from any of you. And something else that was funny. He was actually the one who ended up killing Gundham, who ended up being swapped with Keroro. It was actually a frame attempt on PBJ when he planted Sandy's hair on there. Quite ironic that the frame-job worked a little too well as Sandy hadn't actually killed anyone before her death by Ninja. Tony was really funny with hair in that sense. But in the end, he failed badly to fool anyone.

Jimmy turns his attention to Seth.

No, I can't say I'm that familiar with this Schrodinger or even anything about a zombie cat. But it is a fascinating question. And if I had the knowledge of who that is or whatever his ideas were, I would be happy to answer them.

[wingedcatgirl]

"Yeah, here's my question," Eri says, "can we be done with the murdering now?"

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Jimmy sighs upon Eri's question, but he musters up the strength to answer.

I suppose the killing is now done for good. Both Victoria and I ended up losing the remaining gang members who were still loyal to us all. We both have nothing now. And in the end, the ones you turned against the both of us ended up winning. So what's the point of continuing fighting? Although I am curious. Hyacinth rallied against me because she didn't like how I handled business when I tried to save this island. Why did you turn against Victoria, if I may ask?

[TenOfSwords13]

I... don't think I have any questions. I just want to go home now... very quickly.

PBS looks at Reina and Seth.

Thank you, both of you, for helping catch the killers. And I'm sorry I wasn't more help.

He then turns to the boat, and begins walking to it.

[Dookie]

Victoria is inside the boat. After a while, she finally gets out, and ends up right behind Jimmy.

“So I bet you're wondering why I did this. Why this started, why I built something here, and why I'm never in the spotlight.”