[Game] Party to Treason

[Kennifer]

Eridan's got to agree with this and looks over at Jameson.

yeah wwere all wwaitin for you to get this showw on the road already

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

We're waiting, Jameson... How about a pickle for persuasion?

Monaca leaves a jar of pickles on Jameson's desk...

[Zanreo]

"Yeah, would be the time of hurry up!" CATS says.

[Florien]

Lanthanide calls in very suddenly. She clearly installed the giant screen in the board room solely so she could suddenly pop up in glorious super-high resolution with full surround-sound and intimidate people, but even knowing that's what the effect is supposed to be doesn't lessen it much when she immediately starts out yelling.

FUCKIN' FOREIGN JORNALISTS!? YA TALKED TO FUCKIN'. FOREIGN. JORNALISTS?! BEHIND MAH BACK?! OVER FUCKIN' SPIDER MAN PICTURES? YA SOLD US OUT FOR FUCKIN' SPIDER MAN PICTURES?!

She pauses for a moment as the room falls dead silent. She sits back in her chair. Five seconds pass without anyone speaking. Then ten. Then finally, Lanthanide speaks again.

Now. Ah shouldn't need to explain ta y'all that this order comes from the VERY highest points of our leadership. Not from me, not from mah boss, but from FUCKIN' SENDRI. We're supposed to maintain an aura of mystery about jus' how brutal we are, only leakin' it gradually, so that people who only watch standard international news get it as a slow drip that we're oppressive, but not bad enough to worry about, an' that would-be autocrats can point to us as example of a real good place to emulate while hidin' their autocratical aims. YA DON'T JUS' DUMP EVERYTHIN' AT ONCE! Comedy-News Shows, they're gonna have a fuckin' FIELD DAY with this. Especially the minidocs. Imagine in yer minds, an episode of one of these. Opening title. Host says "The Alliance. That nation that's been in the news a lot lately, and not jus' because of the highest leader's amazing fashion sense. Look at that bulletproof vest! It's like a S.W.A.T. team and Khrushchev's uniform had a child after a drunken fling, an' then Khrushchev's uniform didn't pay proper child support after the messy divorce an'..." ya get the point. THE POINT IS THAT YA FUCKED UP JAMESON. Y'all think Ah don't see what y'all are doin' jus' because Ah haven't caught all y'all's rebels yet? YER WRONG! YER WRONG IF YA THINK THAT.

Lanthanide presses a button, and two security guards come in and arrest J. Jonah Jameson in brutal fashion, slamming his head against the table and hitting him with batons while he's on the floor, before dragging him off in full manacles.

Now, Ah'll set up a good public execution for yer edification on what happens ta traitors ta the Alliance like that who don't get absolved in the eyes of Sendri. Since he was presidin' though, we can't really continue properly, considerin' the gap in the board right now. [OOC: And because the setup for eight and the setup for nine people are different and we're already too far in to change it.] Ah'll jus' say why don't y'all discuss who y'all'll want as chair an' have some fun while Ah find someone ta be yer next media coordinator an' presidin' member.

[Kennifer]

i kneww that guy seemed pretty fuckin wworthless since he wwas wway more into gettin pictures of wwhoevver this spider man wwas than presidin and gettin shit done
i dont knoww wwho spider man is but if hes anythin like vvris hes probably pretty dangerous

Eridan had, of course, a bit of experience with spider-themed people. Well, a certain spider-themed troll who was his former kismesis, anyway.

[PointMaid]

Brain nodded to Lanthanide. Oh, good. We can't have anybody acting improper and out of line.

Anyway, since I was able to vet them while I was Presiding Member, I think Mickey would be good. If you're not going to go with me, of course. Like I said, perhaps I should have stuck with him.

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

...Same here. Mickey has my vote!

[Huney]

Magane whistles, watching the brutal arresting take place. "Sheesh, now that's somethin'... hey, can we watch the execution? That sounds real funny!!"

She puts a finger to her chin... "I think the red girl would be a fun leader." She says, pointing to Asuka.

[Florien]

Well, Ah know yer requestin' we hurry up with the execution, Ah'll get to it when we've picked out yer new media person. They'll need ta see what we do to traitors after it's too late ta back out of their job. Ah'm sure y'all understand the importance of intimidation, y'all've been in government fer what, a week now?

She pauses, and there's an awkward silence.

An' also our enhanced-interrogators-in-training need someone ta practice on, so that'll take a bit anyway.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

I'll go for the mouse...

[Dookie]

“I'd personally vote for…myself. I cannot do that, though, so I'll vote for…um…give me some time I'll think of someone.”

[Kennifer]

wwell i guess the mouse is better than the guy who sent through a rebel edict
maybe if wwe vvote for the mouse as chairperson wwell get the right edict passed this time

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Hey, hey! I didn't have a choice in the matter! That was all I got! Damned if you do, damned if you don't! The story of my life...

[Florien]

Now uh... y'all do have to remember that yer presidin' member will be whoever Ah end up puttin' in Jameson's job. Which'll probably be someone who paid their way, in all honesty, because Ah can't afford a trip to Holding-Commander Keyes's Tropical Ski Resort thing on a Captain's Salary, Ah need mah patronage. Mah clientelism jus' ain't enough. An' Ah haven't had a vacation in years, because y'all and people like y'all seem ta have a propensity for goin' TOO FAR, jus' when Ah'm about to let one of mah juniors handle it for a bit, an Ah have to get back in an' solve the problems because the juniors ain't knowledgeable about what mah job needs doin' enough, an' by then the four-quarter's over an' Ah can't call in vacation days an' they expire an' regenerate over time, an' this is all THE FAULT OF YER TRAITOROUS REBELS. They're stoppin' me from havin' a vacation, from gettin' mah wings, an' stoppin' y'all from gettin' yer own promotions ta better things.

An' we're workin' on the execution an' the replacement, Ah promise. We're interviewing candidates now. Anyway, where Ah was goin' with what Ah was sayin' was that y'all should remember that yer gonna have to convince the replacement to announce mickey as candidate, not jus' yerselves. Though Ah'm sure Mickey won't fuck things up. Ah hope.

[Florien]

Alright everybody. Ah've found a replacement, who's payin' for mah tropical ski trip. Now y'all say hi to them here. Bandu or somethin'. He's the new media guy. An' for Jameson... Well, our media team needed practice with feat-markin' editin', so here's the footage.

On the screen, a video begins to play.

The ABCs

"ADVANCED BICYCLE COMBAAAAAAT!" the narrator shouts as a dronecam pans over a desert landscape. Why it's in a desert is unclear, the nearest desert is a long way away indeed. "In this desert, the Alliance's finest soldiers gather to engage in the MOST IMPORTANT SKILL EVER!!!" an explosion wipe cuts the view to a group of people standing in a line next to bicycles. Presumably they're the "finest soldiers". The show goes on in a mildly engaging manner, with the soldiers slowly bicycling past targets while holding guns, and cameras jump cutting to the targets being shot. After sixteen minutes, the final event starts, with another explosion wipe. Jameson is tied to a pole, a large spider perched on his face in the desert sun. The soldiers slowly cycle past, each taking their shot, generic western showdown music playing as Jameson writhes in pain. At the end, there's a camera flash wipe, and a black and white picture of Jameson's corpse with the spider still on his face is shown against a black background with the caption "Picture of Spider, Man". Then the scores are counted, and the winner gets a medal, the fact that someone was just shot to death being completely glossed over.

J. Jonah Jameson has been replaced by Bandu.

Y'all may continue.

[Cassie]

And in comes some sort of 3D very-vaguely humanoid entity.

Do you see this, brother!? I'M GONNA DABBLE IN POLITICS FOR REAL!!!

...no idea who this weirdo's brother is and...uh
...what is with him flaunting his orbiting phones...

[Despair's Archon of Memes]

Monaca looks at the weird 3-dimensional being that manifested in front of her...

And who are YOU supposed to be, mysterious spheroid thing?

[PointMaid]

Where's your brother? Is he invisible? I love meeting new people! I'm Pinky! And that's my super-smart friend, Brain.

...Hi. Brain did not sound quite as enthusiastic.

[Kennifer]

Eridan just kind of... stares at the newcomer for a moment.

wwell neww guy i havve no idea wwho you are or howw youre doin that wwith your phones
not goin to lie thats a pretty wweird thing to do
but heres hopin youre at least goin to get things done unlike the guy youre replacin

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

George does not look enthused by the newcomer.

This keeps gettin' better and better..., he says in a dry, sarcastic manner.

[Cassie]

FUCK YEAH I'LL GET THINGS DONE! LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE FOR GUARANTEED- Oh my name's Bandu, thank you very very much.

[Florien]

Ah'm hopin' it'll work out great. After all, Loyalty Day is comin' up, an' Ah really want to make sure Ah get the right ones of y'all on the list. Ah'm sure y'all learned the song about it in yer cultural orientation to the Alliance thing that Ah made y'all do. Or maybe y'all've forgotten, Ah don't care either way, as long as y'all get things done in the correct way for the correct ends. Anyway, feel free to discuss who y'all want to have nominated, an' other stuff too, if'n yer really wantin' to waste time when Loyalty Day is always on the horizon.

Lanthanide does what might be construed as an awkward stare, if she had a face to speak of.

So uhh... yeah, pass those edicts that're good, don't pass the ones that're bad. Y'all'll be able ta tell by the handy note MAH POLICY EVALUATORS PUT ON IT. So if y'all screw up, it's completely on yer Presidin' member, or yer Chair, both, or possibly, POSSIBLY jus' the fact y'all didn't have any real options on the table that'd help ya. An' remember ta, ya know, get someone selected to be chair. That'd be nice.

[Cassie]

Thank you, THANK YOU, bro I appreciate it very much!

Bandu teleports near everyone there and gets a cursory look of each participant.

Before I make my choice, first and foremost, ANYONE WANT SOME FAST CANDIEEEEEEEES!???

Nine little spherical candies of many colors manifest and float around Bandu, before proceeding to suddenly fly rapidly towards every other participant, stopping short of the distance to their mouths.

Bandu sidesteps stationarily, but enthusiastically.

[Cassie]

FORGOT TO MENTION: The fast candies Bandu gives give off the sensation of a true sugar rush when eaten: You really feeling like you ate a lot of sweets in just one bite.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

George quickly eats the candy and his taste buds go wild. And so does his body.

WOW!