12-28-2022, 02:49:41 AM
It was like they just stepped right into an old projector screen for a cartoon. Perch didn't really have much of a clue, on the grounds that he was sort of having a panic attack in the back, but finally calmed down enough to listen in and plan his act for this comedy routine.
BREAKING NEWS: Perch's Perky Performance
- What are you going to make fun of? Pick something on the boat. Give us at least a joke about it.
Clearing his throat, Perch Perkins looked at the boat with the utmost distain. "Reports are in: This boat is a bigger travesty than Mack Mackrel's career! Dear Neptune, I've never seen a bigger natural disaster than when that sponge took his driver's test! Must be in black and white to hide its repulsive coloring scheme, I know I would!"
- Can you give us some physical comedy? We want 'em laughing.
Perch slightly pursed his lips together at the next bit, already knowing he's going to regret this. But he must do it. A good reporter gets in front of the camera no matter what. "Moving on from the abysmal performance of that boat, we-" One of Perch's legs get caught on a microphone cord that was randomly there for no other reason than to start a domino effect of cartoon slapstick. The purple reporter is sent flying into a post on the ship, back slumped against them. What followed next was a series of objects that shouldn't be there falling on his head, starting with his microphone, followed by a camera, a clipboard, a jar of pickles, a burger, a treasure chest, a bowling ball, an anchor, and lastly a DVD of his autobiography. Perch rests there dazed and confused, with the only serious injury he seemed to have obtained from all that being a growing bump on his head that hoists his headphones up in the air.
- ...There's a heckler getting in your rhythm. What do you do about the heckler?
Perch's gray eyes rolled at the sudden shouting of some talentless hack in the back. Tapping his mike to check it, he suddenly holds his microphone out towards the sound of the heckler's voice. "Perfect! Just the person of the hour I was looking for! Would you like to answer this million dollar question? Here goes: What do your chances of being successful have in common with that wet sponge you call a brain?" And Perch just pulls the mike back, smirking to himself.If you've guessed "nonexistent", congratulations! That's the first smart thing you've said in your entire life!"
Clearing his throat, Perch Perkins looked at the boat with the utmost distain. "Reports are in: This boat is a bigger travesty than Mack Mackrel's career! Dear Neptune, I've never seen a bigger natural disaster than when that sponge took his driver's test! Must be in black and white to hide its repulsive coloring scheme, I know I would!"
- Can you give us some physical comedy? We want 'em laughing.
Perch slightly pursed his lips together at the next bit, already knowing he's going to regret this. But he must do it. A good reporter gets in front of the camera no matter what. "Moving on from the abysmal performance of that boat, we-" One of Perch's legs get caught on a microphone cord that was randomly there for no other reason than to start a domino effect of cartoon slapstick. The purple reporter is sent flying into a post on the ship, back slumped against them. What followed next was a series of objects that shouldn't be there falling on his head, starting with his microphone, followed by a camera, a clipboard, a jar of pickles, a burger, a treasure chest, a bowling ball, an anchor, and lastly a DVD of his autobiography. Perch rests there dazed and confused, with the only serious injury he seemed to have obtained from all that being a growing bump on his head that hoists his headphones up in the air.
- ...There's a heckler getting in your rhythm. What do you do about the heckler?
Perch's gray eyes rolled at the sudden shouting of some talentless hack in the back. Tapping his mike to check it, he suddenly holds his microphone out towards the sound of the heckler's voice. "Perfect! Just the person of the hour I was looking for! Would you like to answer this million dollar question? Here goes: What do your chances of being successful have in common with that wet sponge you call a brain?" And Perch just pulls the mike back, smirking to himself.If you've guessed "nonexistent", congratulations! That's the first smart thing you've said in your entire life!"
You know what they say. All toasters toast toast.