Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[NebulaChimera2211]

Events

Team Fortress 2 (10)
(Player1) (is/is/is/is/are1) full of sandwich, and [typeA1] (is/is/are/is/are1) coming for (Player2). (also Feast, typo is intentional)
(Player1) mail(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] boo(t/t/t/t/ts1) to (Player2) with (Player3)'s as(s/s/s/s/ses3) around (it/it/it/it/them1).
(Player1) must be (a /a /a /a /1)docto(r/r/r/r/rs1), because [typeA1] just saw the extent of (Player2)'s patience.
(Player1) kill(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) with a weapon imbued with an ancient power that turns (Player2) into a golden statue. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) blow(s/s/s/s/1) the insides of (Player2)'s hea(d/d/d/d/ds2) all over four counties. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) claw(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] way down (Player2)'s throa(t/t/t/t/ts2) and tear(s/s/s/s/1) out [typeC2] very sou(l/l/l/l/ls2). (1 kills 2)
(Player1) stick(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] thumbs in (Player2)'s eyes and hang(s/s/s/s/1) on 'till [typeA2]'(s/s/re/s/re2) dead. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) turn(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) into coloured rain. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) turn(s/s/s/s/1) everything above (Player2)'s nec(k/k/k/k/ks2) into a fine, red mist. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) beat(s/s/s/s/1) on (Player2)'s skul(l/l/l/l/ls2) until [typeA1] hit(s/s/s/s/1) tonsils. (1 kills 2)

Memes (8)
(Player1) attempt(s/s/s/s/1) to make the next event into a meme.
(Player1) attempt(s/s/s/s/1) to make the previous event into a meme.
(Player1) had never seen such bullshit as the previous event before.
(Player1) had never seen such bullshit as the next event before.
(Player1) laugh(s/s/s/s/1) oddly before staring into the camera.
(Player1) clap(s/s/s/s1), dance(s/s/s/s1) for a short time, punch(es/es/es/es/1) the ground thrice, repeatedly slap(s/s/s/s/1) the ground, breakdance(s/s/s/s/1) and finishes with a one-handed handstand whilst pointing.
(Player1) demonstrate(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] satellite laser on a large part of the moon, then warn(s/s/s/s/1) the world, "(I/I/I/I/we1) hope you're ready to die, it's gonna be like ((Player2)'s source material), get the fuck out".
(Player1) kill(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) in over seven hundred different ways (reviving [typeB2] every time except the last), and that's just with [typeC1] bare hands. (1 kills 2)

NetHack (2)
(Player1) eat(s/s/s/s/1) too much at once and choke(s/s/s/s/1) to death on [typeC1] last meal. (1 dies, also Feast)
(Player1) put(s/s/s/s/1) (a /a /a /a /1)cursed amule(t/t/t/t/ts1) that strangle(s/s/s/s/1) [typeB1] to death (cutting off blood flow to [typeC1] brai(n/n/n/n/ns1) even if [typeA1] do(es/es//es/1)n't need to breathe). (1 dies)

Earthbound (2)
(Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1), (Player1)...
(Player1), (Player2), (Player3) and (Player4) cannot grasp the true for(m/m/m/m/ms5) of (Player5)'s attac(k/k/k/k/ks5)! (Player1), (Player2), (Player3) and (Player4) took mortal damage! (5 kills 1, 2, 3 and 4)

Other (8)
(Player1) kill(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) as a warning to the other tributes. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) kill(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) for outliving [typeC2] usefulness to [typeB1]. (1 kills 2)
(Player1) decapitate(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) and use(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC2] hea(d/d/d/d/ds2) to turn (Player3) to stone. (1 kills 2 and 3)
After (Player1) foil(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC2] schemes, (Player2) angrily shout(s/s/s/s/2), "(I/I/I/I/we2) hate th(at/at/at/at/ose1) ((Player1)'s species)!" (non-fatal)
(Player1) get(s/s/s/s/1) sucked into a quicksand pit and die(s/s/s/s/1). (1 dies)
(Player1) (is/is/is/is/are1) killed by (Player2), who eat(s/s/s/s/2) [typeC1] corps(e/e/e/e/es1) afterwards. (2 kills 1, also Feast)
(Player1) (is/is/is/is/are1) killed by (Player2), who eat(s/s/s/s/2) [typeC1] corps(e/e/e/e/es1) afterwards and die(s/s/s/s/2) from the effects of doing so. (2 kills 1 and dies naturally, also Feast)
Before fighting (Player1), (Player2) call(s/s/s/s/2) [typeB1] dumb and say(s/s/s/s2) [typeA1]'ll die and leave (a /a /a /a /1) dumb corps(e/e/e/e/es1). (non-fatal, Guild Wars 2 reference)