Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[NebulaChimera2211]

It's March the 10th as well, so who better to nominate than ol' Mr. Video Game himself?
It'sa them, Team Mario:

• Cat Mario (he/him, safe)
  
• Metal Mario (he/him, safe)
  

Events

Mario (8):
(Player1) get(s/s/s/s/1) killed by an iron, spherical creature attached to a post via a chain. (1 dies, references Chain Chomps)
(Player1) pounds the post binding an iron, spherical creature via a chain, causing it to rampage and kill (Player2). (2 dies naturally)
A large, angry, floating stone block flies into (Player1) and crushes [typeB1] flat against it. (1 dies, references Thwomps)
(Player1) throw(s/s/s/s/1) hammers at (Player2) until (Player2) die(s/s/s/s/2). (1 kills 2)
(Player1) hit(s/s/s/s/1) a block with "POW" on it, hurting (Player2), (Player3) and (Player4) and launching them off the floor. (non-fatal)
(Player1) hit(s/s/s/s/1) a block with "POW" on it, sending (Player2), (Player3) and (Player4) flying and killing them. (1 kills 2, 3 and 4) 
(Player1) and (Player2) pass under an archway as (Player3) laugh(s/s/s/s/3). (Player1) say(s/s/s/s/1) it was nice of (Player4) to invite [typeB1] and (Player2) over for a picnic; (Player2) hopes [typeA4] made lots of spaghetti. (Player1) spot(s/s/s/s/1) a note from (Player3), saying [typeA3]'(s/s/ve/s/ve3) taken over the Arena and made (Player4) a permanent guest at one of [typeC3] seven hotels, and daring (Player1) and (Player2) to find [typeB4] if they can. They decide to find (Player4). (also Feast, specifically references Hotel Mario)
(Player1) grab(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2), swing(s/s/s/s/1) [typeB2] round and round and throw(s/s/s/s/1) [typeB2] into a giant bomb. (1 kills 2, specifically references Super Mario 64)

Memes (9):
As (Player1) kills [typeB2], (Player2) fall(s/s/s/s/2) apart and let(s/s/s/s/2) out a quick, high-pitched, "oof!" (1 kills 2, Roblox)
(Player1) press(es/es/es/es/1) F to pay respects to the last fallen tribute. (Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare)
(Player1) think(s/s/s/s/1) [typeA1] will cause problems on purpose.
(Player1) wonder(s/s/s/s/1) where [typeC1] pipe could be, then find(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) smoking it and yell(s/s/s/s/1) at [typeB2]. (Garfield)
As [typeA1] crazily drive(s/s//s/1) into a large pile of explosive barrels, (Player1) scream(s/s/s/s/1), "OH MY GOD! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" (1 dies)
Why (is/is/is/is/are1) (Player1) still here? Just to suffer? (Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain)
(Player1) dab(s/s/s/s/1) on (Player2).
Blacklisted: (Player1) order(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) to go to "horny jail" and bonk(s/s/s/s/1) [typeB2] over the hea(d/d/d/d/ds2) with (a /a /a /a /1)baseball ba(t/t/t/t/ts1). (non-fatal)
(Player1)'ll bash (Player2)'s fucking hea(d/d/d/d/ds2) in, [typeA1] swear(s/s//s/1) on [typeC1] mother.

Self-Destruct Sequence (3):
(Player1) activate(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] self-destruct sequence after being defeated by (Player2) and (Player3). They escape and are safely out of range when (Player1) self-destructs. (1 dies naturally)
(Player1) activate(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] self-destruct sequence after being defeated by (Player2) and (Player3). They prevent the self-destruction from occurring and kill (Player1) themselves. (2 and 3 kill 1)
(Player1) activate(s/s/s/s/1) [typeC1] self-destruct sequence after being defeated by (Player2) and (Player3). They fail to escape or prevent it, and are taken down with [typeB1]. (1 dies naturally, and 1 kills 2 and 3)

Cults (3):
(Player1) start(s/s/s/s/1) a cult around (Player2).
(Player1) start(s/s/s/s/1) a cult around [typeD1].
(Player1) offer(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) as a sacrifice to (Player3). (1 kills 2)

I am a Stegosaurus! (2):
(Player1) use(s/s/s/s/1) a time machine and briefly celebrate(s/s/s/s/1) the fact that it worked before being stomped on by (a /a /a /a /2)prehistoric (Player2) dinosaur(s/s/s/s/2), who call(s/s/s/s/2) [typeD2] (Player3). (2 kills 1, asdfmovies)
(Player1) use(s/s/s/s/1) a time machine and briefly celebrate(s/s/s/s/1) the fact that it worked before being stomped on by (a /a /a /a /2)prehistoric (Player2) dinosaur(s/s/s/s/2), who call(s/s/s/s/2) [typeD2] (a /a /a /a /2)stegosauru(s/s/s/s/ses2). (2 kills 1, asdfmovies)

Other (5):
(Player1) introduce(s/s/s/s/1) [typeD1] to (Player2) by promising to teach [typeB2] the meaning of pain. (also Bloodbath, Street Fighter)
(Player1) render(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) hea(d/d/d/d/ds2) from [typeC1] shoulders, smite(s/s/s/s/1) [typeB1] where [typeA2] stand(s/s//s/2), and make(s/s/s/s/1) [typeB2] rue the very day [typeA2] stole something from [typeB1]. (1 kills 2, Shrek 2)
As (Player1) and (Player2) fight, an animal (Player1) befriended earlier helps [typeB1], allowing (Player1) to land the final blow. (1 kills 2)
(Player1)'s nominator's blessing reaches (Player1), giving [typeB1] the strength to kill (Player2), (Player3) and (Player4). (1 kills 2, 3 and 4)
(Player1) sacrifice(s/s/s/s/1) (Player2) in order to summon a high-level monster. (1 kills 2, Yu-Gi-Oh!)