02-01-2022, 06:27:17 AM
Okay, let's have a look at yer submissions so far... Alright. Ah think... okay, here we go.
Pinky, Brain, yers is good. Ah like the math. Patriotic math, nothin' really dissent-y in there. The literacy passage is good, but it doesn't have much symbology ta dissect. Might be difficult to fill out a whole couple hours of that. Yer economic reasonin' is really good. It'll attract libertarian eyes. Now, they're not about ta jump in an' join us, but certainly, the richer ones may decide we're a safe investment, an' the broke ones'll help with our apologia.
Steve, Ah like yer first problem, but the word "Shitload" in reference to a quantity of dissidents is kinda... questionable. It implies that people are tryin' ta leave the Alliance all the time. Also it's got one constant an' two variables. Specifically, yer lookin' fer x, but ya've got the equation (x+10)+2x+x=y, so yer gonna have a bit of a problem solvin' fer x outright. Ya can describe x in a few ways, but Ah don't think it's solvable with the information given. So uhh... Ya end up with 10=y-4x which is uhhh... jus' 10=10. Wait, ya could move the 10 from the y back over an'... no, that jus' means 0=0. Fuck. Uhh... Yeah ya might be missin' a second constant there as an anchor point for the situation. Wait, what if Ah... no, that doesn't work either. Fuck. Anyway, the literary section seems alright. Evil traitors gettin' their dues. Ah like the "chemistry says the Alliance is cool because we got some guns". It's true an' provable, while not sayin' much.
Eridan. Yer first math problem is great. It does imply some inefficiencies in the capital punishment system, but it overall is good. The second one is where things rapidly go downhill. Ya described what we're doin' as "indoctrinatin'". It's like yer tryin' ta come off as treacherous, an' considerin' what Mark said, that might be true. Ya then imply Sendri's a cheater in the literacy section! For shame. That physics says we're great though, that's a good one. Ah like it anyway.
George! Yer math things are good. First tells a story of ingenuity supportin' the Alliance, an' people love stories of the individual makin' things better. They're rarely true in any case, but people love them all the same. Gives them someone ta identify with. Really good start. Second one is also pretty good, though not as good. It implies that we're unable ta keep up with our prisoners, rather than able but not needin' ta. Ah'll tweak the wordin' a bit, an' cut off the ends where what exactly yer gonna end up doin' is explained. They're nice, simple word problems though. Yer literacy thing is great! Fuck yeah, ya really listened ta what Ah requested. Ya created a parable with potential themes to analyze, it's great, an' conveys an inspirin' message of loyalty an' triumph. The science skills of the Alliance are a nice touch too. We do have all kinds of improvements over normal biology, at least in theory.
Pinky, Brain, yers is good. Ah like the math. Patriotic math, nothin' really dissent-y in there. The literacy passage is good, but it doesn't have much symbology ta dissect. Might be difficult to fill out a whole couple hours of that. Yer economic reasonin' is really good. It'll attract libertarian eyes. Now, they're not about ta jump in an' join us, but certainly, the richer ones may decide we're a safe investment, an' the broke ones'll help with our apologia.
Steve, Ah like yer first problem, but the word "Shitload" in reference to a quantity of dissidents is kinda... questionable. It implies that people are tryin' ta leave the Alliance all the time. Also it's got one constant an' two variables. Specifically, yer lookin' fer x, but ya've got the equation (x+10)+2x+x=y, so yer gonna have a bit of a problem solvin' fer x outright. Ya can describe x in a few ways, but Ah don't think it's solvable with the information given. So uhh... Ya end up with 10=y-4x which is uhhh... jus' 10=10. Wait, ya could move the 10 from the y back over an'... no, that jus' means 0=0. Fuck. Uhh... Yeah ya might be missin' a second constant there as an anchor point for the situation. Wait, what if Ah... no, that doesn't work either. Fuck. Anyway, the literary section seems alright. Evil traitors gettin' their dues. Ah like the "chemistry says the Alliance is cool because we got some guns". It's true an' provable, while not sayin' much.
Eridan. Yer first math problem is great. It does imply some inefficiencies in the capital punishment system, but it overall is good. The second one is where things rapidly go downhill. Ya described what we're doin' as "indoctrinatin'". It's like yer tryin' ta come off as treacherous, an' considerin' what Mark said, that might be true. Ya then imply Sendri's a cheater in the literacy section! For shame. That physics says we're great though, that's a good one. Ah like it anyway.
George! Yer math things are good. First tells a story of ingenuity supportin' the Alliance, an' people love stories of the individual makin' things better. They're rarely true in any case, but people love them all the same. Gives them someone ta identify with. Really good start. Second one is also pretty good, though not as good. It implies that we're unable ta keep up with our prisoners, rather than able but not needin' ta. Ah'll tweak the wordin' a bit, an' cut off the ends where what exactly yer gonna end up doin' is explained. They're nice, simple word problems though. Yer literacy thing is great! Fuck yeah, ya really listened ta what Ah requested. Ya created a parable with potential themes to analyze, it's great, an' conveys an inspirin' message of loyalty an' triumph. The science skills of the Alliance are a nice touch too. We do have all kinds of improvements over normal biology, at least in theory.
I am the They who says it!