Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[Whistle]

AND SO CONTINUE THE GAMES.



Welcome back to SNL! I'm your host, Whistle, back from obligations due to a certain annual ritual. Now that I have a new television and desk and have undergone Wachowskian kinematographic therapy, I will be able to review what has happened from last time, as well as what is going on today. I hope that I am not sacked, unlike the previous subtitlers.



Anyway, from here we shall continue!



BATTLE MUSIC: "Skybreak!" - Propellerhead, The Matrix

NIGHT 2
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turtle doves

• Wy-Six showing some kind of affection for Yaz, even if it's already gone by now.
  
• And into the hot-dog stacking contest, in which battle-bot Carbide and Jade are the participants! Even if there were only 30, that's still a record!
  
• You Unlucky bastards, you aliens.
  
• Oh no! Tina suffering her own amputative trauma thanks to Mel... though she doesn't seem particularly fazed.
  
• I think Neil may have taken inspiration from an old short film with how he trapped Gumball Cookie.
  
• Jolyne letting the days go by, letting the water hold her down...
  
• Did Klee steal those sais from Hobbes? Oh well, the killer couple Foxy and Bonnie are dead now anyway.
  
• TJ Combo is a bad driver, says Eliwood. But TJ is kinda lucky he lived.
  
• ...And Yelena's chicken.
  
• Hobbes taking matters into his own hands by trying out fanfiction for Chiaki! Whether it will be good or not is up to you!
  
• Oh oh oh, Panchito must have come STRAIGHT OUTTA HAWAII!!
  
• DOUBLE KILL. Corrupted Whitty takes a moment to reflect on his victory over Grampus, who takes advantage of that to take it with him. Such... wonderful irony, somehow.
  
• Calvin has such odd taste in cake.
  
• Marisha, vowing revenge upon Jose. Him. All. For... something.
  
• Al is not really fazed by being a widower, really. He's still messing with Del a bit.
  
• Huang has POWER! UNLIMITED... POWAAAAH!!
  
• And so does Jeli!
  
• Heavy D! seems to be chummy with Gi-hun, to the point that he'll replace a picture if that's the last thing that happens to him.
  
• Same here, Bonus Boss Z. Same here. [gently sobs]
  
• Psych-Bo Burnham, qu'est-ce que c'est? Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, far better!
  
• I never knew Kaneda loved birds so much. Well, aside from Pengum, that loud, slow and soft bird.
  

And as the sun rises... we enter a new day. But, oddly enough, it's beginning to rain now.

DAY 3

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french

• Wy-Six is sizing up to be interesting; Kaneda thinks they sound like the rain.
  
• Mel is a wonderful cook, isn't she? Must love canned tuna.
  
• Eliwood, the only thing that seems able to stop you is the inevitability of... copyright law.
  
• Well well, Unlucky catches a lucky break! As do Calvin, Jade, TJ, Bo, and Panchito.
  
• I think Carbide is more suited than Huang to scrub, scrub, scrub all the floors in Hyrule.
  
• Chiaki does not want to crash Jeli. But Jeli's skilled enough that she wants more of it.
  
• Klee and Del are already paid in peanuts to come here, so why are you throwing your own currency at them? That's pointless!
  Oh wait, just got word that Marisha actually stole the pearl. Thanks D!
  
• Gi-hun and Neil, doctors irresponsible against Yelena. She's alive, luckily.
  
• There is a major difference between villainy and antiheroism that Jose seems to understand and Tina doesn't.
  
• Jolyne needs something to eat, Hobbes.
  
• Al. Stop doing that to Z.
  Phew, just ice cream.
  
• Yaz is a good aim. Shame about Gumball Cookie though. Wish he could have lived to see the cheering.
  

Well well, another nightfall, another cannon shooting. May as well recap everyone who has died.

THE FALLEN
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Foxy x Bonnie, Corrupted Whitty, Grampus, Pengum, Gumball Cookie.
Please report to the Hangar, SomeLibre.

Now that the recorded footage is done, we may as well move onto live footage now, just like Armenia's Got Talent! This is just how we manage to do things, you know? It's pretty fun to think about.

BATTLE MUSIC: "The Prowler" - Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

NIGHT 3
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hens

• Hunger Games Babies. Sponsored by Klee, Yaz, and Tina of all people.
  
• Cotton swabs: Good for Calvin, bad for Carbide. And, by extension, Gi-hun.
  
• Huang's newfound strength must have been courage; he's able to lead Marisha safely back to sleep after she sleepwalks.
  
• Wy-Six defying gravity fighting with Jose. Unfortunately, Jose lacks this power, let alone protective gear.
  
• Oh yeah, Something I've Never Heard Of, like Heavy D!
  
• Al gets maced by Jolyne. Wow, fighter!
  
• Good to hear that Yelena is well-liked, if only by TJ Combo.
  
• Neil, facing up against shape-shifting Coke? Yeah, I'd be running for the hills too!
  
• Cotton swabs: Good for Bonus Boss Z, bad for Jeli.
  
• Oh boy! Gi-hun is so hungry, he could eat an octorock!
  
• Oh boy, a dangerous stunt for Eliwood! He got lucky.
  
• Horror game party tonight! Horror game party tonight! Holy shit, Kaneda's blowing up!
  
• Chiaki barely survives the loss of TroubleCube.
  

And as the sun rises again... we hear it again. The rain has cleared, and everything is now calm. For now...

DAY 4
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calling

• Jolyne, Wy-Six, TJ, and Neil have discovered Jumanji. Shame; I actually kinda liked Zathura better as a kid.
  
• Huang is getting stronger; now a superhero! This can only end one way...
  
• I'm pretty sure Eliwood is aware of Tina. I'm pretty sure Eliwood is aware of Tina. I'm pretty sure Eliwood is aware of Tina.
  
• This is the second time a bear has ripped a survival guide. But hey, Calvin's had experience playing Dad before.
  
• Hello Unlucky!
  
• I'd be intimidated by Heavy D! if he knew where I was broadcasting from...
  
• Hey Z, lay off of Gi-hun. I get it, you're boiling over, but that doesn't mean he needs to.
  
• Thank god, Del. He was annoying.
  
• Reality has been compromised. Oh whoa no Bo! I'll miss ya Marisha! So sad about Yaz!
  
• Chiaki doing dubious demonstrative surgery (for FlexSeal) on Yelena. But don't worry, it's fine.
  
• Panchito really loves GoldenEye. Klee does not.
  
• Kaneda can breathe underwater now, I guess. I'm surprised he's become so powerful!
  
• Mel, maybe it's not great to purge someone's phone. Especially if that person is Hobbes.
  
• Jade cannot resist le cookie.
  

Another dusk, another death-tally. May as well get this over with...

THE FALLEN
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Carbide, Jose, Al Bundy, Jeli, Marisha, Bo Burnham, and Yaz.
May Billy5545, Matthew, Oggy123, Guma, and GoldenCityBird report to the hangar? We have something special awaiting you.

And that's how it works out on SNL! We hope you had a wonderful holiday, and only just expect those who can't handle it anymore. But hey, you've got food and the like! That's the way it should be! Thank you all, and good night. Whistle, signing off.