Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[Whistle]

INTRO MUSIC: "Christmas Wrapping" - The Waitresses

Ho-ho-ho! Merry Happy! Today on SNL live, we are celebrating the holidays the only way we can!

BY SENTENCING PEOPLE TO THEIR DEATHS!

In case you haven't heard, I am Whistle, the mostest hostess to come along in the history of this game! We have a wonderful assortment of tributes today, so we may as well meet them all today!

THE REAPING
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Tributes

We have a mid-sized 48 tributes today, from a variety of sources! Here are some of my favorites.

• Gene Belcher has had a reputation for being a major winner across tons of games, and even has gotten quite a few kills in himself!
  
• Husband-and-wife Bundys Al and Peg come today, hoping to take their tumultuous marriage and use it to their advantage!
  
• Seong Gi-hun coming fresh off the heels of the mysterious Squid Games, where he emerged as 2021's very own winner! Hopefully he lasts a while; I selected him myself!
  
• Coming straight from Wii Sports, it's the great Matt, well known for his prowess in boxing, golf, tennis, baseball, and bowling! If only that athleticism paid off elsewhere!
  
• My cohost has sent in its own tributes, one of which being Orby! They... they look kind of disturbing, which I'm sure they'll put to good use as they cause heart attacks on the battleground!
  
• What a laugh, Bo Burnham himself is here! The comedian well known for his film Inside is taking his skills Outside to gain possibly a few new fans. I'm sure he's gonna slay!
  
• And finally, Cheyenne takes a stand and nominates... cans of Ravioli and Beefaroni. Sponsored by Campbell's soup, for a hearty Christmas... snowman-melty... thing!
  

So, without further ado, let the games begin, in 3... 2... 1...!

BATTLE MUSIC: "Carol of the Bells" - Traditional, arr. Trans-Siberian Orchestra

THE BLOODBATH
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bloody hell!

• Right away, we see Fido Dido displaying cowardice... and Del displaying cowardice IN STYLE!
  
• Reality-warping Beefaroni!
  
• Eliwood and Jose discussing citrus, but it turns out it's going all damn wrong! Though I never understood how lemon juice is disgusting; I'm allergic!
  
• Chiaki and Bonus Boss Z giving each other a bit of cooperative spirit, aren't they? Or is it competitive?
  
• Tron taking the easy route.
  
• FIRST BLOOD!! Orby held Jay-Ten's life by the backpack straps! Wowie, what a play!
  
• Gumball Cookie displaying his fun spirit, taking advantage of some hole in the cornucopia for some reason!
  
• Calvin has the Bortles spirit!
  
• Another quick slay! For all of Matt's sports expertise, he was no match for Jolyne's well-honed fencing skills!
  
• Kaneda quickly arming himself not with plasma, but with flint and wood!
  
• Marisha is pretty angry for some reason; angry enough to wound Missingno with her mug's shards!
  
• It looks like tributes are making their own bets! Wy-Six and Panchito taking themselves a bit too seriously!
  
• Carbide displaying self-preservative spirit!
  
• Mel, statistically speaking, your premonition does not look good... But we'll see. We'll see.
  
• Heavy D! is acting against self-preservative instincts!
  
• DOUBLE KILL! Jade, Gene, and Ninian getting themselves in a squabble. But oh look, Jade somehow wins against the two! Poor Gene!
  

• Accidentally substance-abusing Ravioli. Don't worry, Chef don't judge.
  
• Yaz thinks ahead for her own future and others, taking herself a first aid kit!
  
• Pengum displaying a lack of confidence!
  
• Tombstone picks a right choice... and now with all of their stuff taken care of, there's a shapeshifting band to deal with!
  
• You have Tron's sword. And Kaneda's bow. And Neil's... sword.
  
• Arepo doing a dirty deed, employing major reverse psychology on Diluc! A true Kingpin move, if I do say so myself!
  
• ...And Neil's sword. And Unlucky's mace... no wait, now it's Jeli's mace.
  
• Gi-hun is smart enough to know when to fold 'em.
  
• So Klee, you're telling Corrupted Whitty the entire point of the game. Nice to refresh them!
  
• Huang, you better watch out! I'm telling you why; Al Bundy is coming to town!
  
• Tina displays grief.
  
• That's Sally in the cornucopia, that's Sally in the sun, light, losing her religion.
  
• ...And Jeli's mace. And Grampus' bow.
  
• Yelena acts in self-preservation.
  
• Foxy and Bonnie displaying their love for each other in a romantically terrible way.
  
• Bo and Peg collaborating... or completing. Wait, haven't I seen this before?
  
• TJ Combo... chickening out.
  
• ...And Grampus' bow. And Hobbes' sais.
  

And once the blood is cleared... in the way that it is... we move onto the first day. After this loss of life and limb, what else do we see?

DAY 1
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a partridge in a pear tree

• Ravioli showing off its reality-warping powers by suffocating Yelena... who, luckily, survives by ejective oral maneuvers!
  
• Del and Bo debate the folly of cubes of dense metals.
  
• Kaneda has found a new rival in Wy-Six, but apparently Jolyne ain't having it; stupidity is not in her playbook!
  
• TJ Combo employs some great reverse psychology against Fido Dido! How is this such a common tactic?!
  
• Klee on both Gi-hun and Carbide somehow, so she makes herself The Love God! This can only end three ways...
  Wait, I've just been informed that it was an intent to make them fall in love! Okay, that makes sense!
• Mel, the savant artist, drawing such a... a lovely portrait from a tiny papier-mache figurine.
  
• I had no idea that Huang was Pengum's dad. Or maybe he's just simulating his own home life? I know that too well!
  
• Poor Arepo. I'm surprised that Beefaroni had sense... wait, no, it didn't. Oh well, Chef don't judge.
  
• Hey Z, make sure that that gator doesn't get too big. We don't have any water supply here after what happened last time.
  
• Eliwood, you monster. Your lore killed Missingno, you GLITCH!
  
• Peg being petty and taking Calvin through a ride to the floor.
  
• Never thought Panchito was so superstitious that he'd burn Tron at the stake. Oh well. Now you have Panchito's sword, and Kaneda's bow, and Neil's...
  
• Al retro gamer, sacrificing his own consoles for his own life. Sad.
  
• Hobbes has got some humor, but Marisha's got hearing damage from his cymbals now.
  
• Unlucky loves Jose, Unlucky loves Jose not.
  
• Well well, killer animatronics Foxy and Bonnie tag-team against Sally and tear her to bits. Even though she's a zombie. Poor Jeli.
  
• Grampus and Gumball Cookie try to find their own food, but get lost. They should have stayed lost.
  
• Tombstone, I warned you. Jupiter bites.
  
• I didn't know Orby even had hair, let alone hair that could get messy with the wrong shampoo. Learn something new every day.
  
• Neil and Chiaki have their own sorts of thoughts against Jade, but apparently Jade is immune to "nasty patties."
  
• Bootlegging Tina versus Heavy D!. This can only end well.
  
• Yaz, courageous and cowardly against Corrupted Whitty.
  

So, we have to keep track of our deaths somehow, so we use cannon shots to do so. So... may as well do it now that the day is over.

THE FALLEN
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11 DEATHS: Jay-Ten, Matt, Gene, Ninian, Diluc, Fido Dido, Arepo, Can of Beefaroni, Missingno, Tron, Sally.
ThatIdiotMan is eliminated.

Until next time, I'm Whistle with SNL. Have a happy Christmas, knowing some of you are dead!