Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[KungFuCutbug]

Log #002Experiment #080719-04

Night One / Backup

• Chemical leak? I'd hope no such thing has happened... Let me check and, if needed, get the situation under control.
  
• The trick is to land in a haystack, 2D. Not a bush.
  
• ...I-I am, erm. Legally forbidden from commenting on this, as per company policy.
  
• Gibb is apparently discriminatory against aliens. And here I thought Stitch was one of the good ones... sigh.
  
• Is she perhaps using him as a test subject to experiment with her many herbal remedies? Seems to all be quacks, if this is considered torture. Typical.
  
• Mm... To watch my beautiful bolts fly to the top of your head... to hear your delightful shrieks... Poor Ichiban. He has fought for his life and his integrity many times, only for him to be done in by a lightning strike. How anticlimactic.
  
• The Cellist has apparently taken advice from Herb and has managed to successfully tame a dental parrot of their own. ...Hm. There are a surprising amount of dental parrots in the Arena.
  
• Kama has encountered the Arena syringes again and taken the same one Amelia used, with the same result. This is the Hunger Games, not Fortnite. Less building, more battling to the death, come on.
  
• Peko is rather skinny, is she not? The slide might not be meant for humans to slide down if she got stuck in it after eating.
  
• ...what. How. What force is there in the Arena where dragging around a half-empty bowl refills it to the maximum? I shall have more experiments here to probe this...
  
• Where did Takeuchi get those dolls? Strange... also a bit creepy...
  
• I suppose you can't spell boring without "bro", albeit rearranged. Even still, Broheart looks far from lackluster... but perhaps the idea of what's "boring" and what isn't is different where he fails from.
  
• Only being able to speak in garbled, occasionally bass-boosted Bruno Mars lyrics certainly isn't helping, I feel.
  
• As—as long as the rat isn't making ear-piercing screeching noises, there is nothing to fear! Stay calm, Brolander! Everything is under control! Everything is under control!
  
• Rules of nature. Firefox, showing her animalistic instincts, pilfers eggs from an unattended nest and flees the scene. However, as she buries them for later consumption, she is swept away by a giant, multicolored bird from the heavens! ...So the Google Chrome logo was an egg this entire time?
  
• ...Where did Cherry and Akira go—GAH
  
• Okay. Okay, I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. Everything is under control. Moving on... Remind me how sleeping in shifts works again? That seems like a good way to throw your circadian rhythms severely off-kilter, to the point of developing insomnia.
  
• Such a famous family of knights as House Raspberry could always use more servants, I suppose. And you've chosen at least... one capable guard.
  
• What embarrassing nickname can you even extrapolate from her name? ...Udon noodle?
  
• And I am once again baffled because how can a plate of cookies hear anything? Where is that noise even coming from, this late into the night?
  
• (look behind you, Dr. Nyquist) ...There is now a teenager with pink hair and glasses standing next to me. They claim to be the source of the pink sticky notes, having been unable to come here physically due to the presence of the 4th wall. But since it has obtained superpowers, they were able to appear. Hopefully they do not intervene much beyond this. (nah, I'm just here to spectate) Could you at least stop littering my experiment logs with sticky notes, then? Communicate verbally, if you must.
  
• Kiyoka finds out firsthand the reason I was worried about the child playing with those needles. Apparently heroin is green.
  
• If Sly plots to kill Dio, the crocodilian is going to need a lot of effort. I've heard... rumors of this vampire's indestructibility and inability to stay down.
  
• Is that Heathens from that one Suicide Squad movie?
  
• ...In hindsight, I probably should have rethought this decision. Seriously, what is the child going to do with medical supplies? I doubt they can even use them. Whoops.
  
• That's certainly one way to try and convince him to improve his diet. Stop eating cookies! They're bad for you!
  
• It appears Bow is uninterested in the prospect of having people bow down to her. ...Yes, I'm aware that's a different type of "bow" than the one she is named after.
  
• Unversed in the world's fauna. I can't say I'm surprised that Ford was unaware of the existence of leopards. He thought cars were the dominant species on earth, and nearly got killed by one trying to "greet" it. ...I suppose meeting his end by being mauled and eaten by creatures he thought were fantasies is ironically fitting, then.
  

Day Two / Backup

• The first thing Dexter's Dad sees upon being freed from Bellflower's tests is vultures picking off the parts of Ford that the leopards left untouched. That is... um... possibly even more traumatizing than being used as a human experiment.
  
• Human fall flat. Amy happens upon a well-concealed bottomless pit... too well-concealed, actually, as she trips and falls into it. Considering it's bottomless, she very well might have reached terminal velocity and slowly burned away like a rocket ship reentering Earth's atmosphere. Imagine that. It's like fading away from existence, but far more agonizing. Especially if your brain doesn't burn away first.
  
• It seems Robin is a bit jealous of some of the other musical artists in the Arena! Apparently Bouffalant's voice-clip remix was more popular than I speculated it would be...
  
• Not so nonthreatening. "Nonthreatening" Femetit Bob is, by some vagary of the universe, able to talk down Dio from turning him into a donut. Taking advantage of this, he pushes the vampire into the sunlight! Ah, some people just want to watch The World burn.
  
• The escaped convict is hungry for more corpses, thirsty for more blood. And this time, he's recruiting a squad to accomplish this. ...You know, I'm starting to wonder how he hasn't gone back to prison already.
  
• Aww...
  
• Yoshiko decides to show some of her friends a photo-filter app she had just added to her forum. Is there one that turns you into a dragon?!
  
• ...Were those buttons secretly rigged to an explosives den?
  
• Oh my god, he just went in. Ferguson charges headfirst into a heated brawl between five different subjects... and is anticlimactically killed by getting caught in the crossfire. For such a giant head, he certainly had no brains.
  
• Well, at least the car dealership is honest.
  
• Takeuchi, with all due respect, "gaslight gatekeep girlboss" is not a valid life motto. If you continue attempting to convince the other subjects that Herb is imaginary, I will submit you for a psychological examination posthaste.
  
• ...Although some of them are delusional, I'll give you that. Case in point: Kinji believing that the plate of cookie owes him a library book. At least he is sane enough to just... eat them. Hopefully none of the, er, actually sapient Cookies saw that.
  
• What do violins and bridges have to do with each other? And moreover, how come the trash can couldn't use the guitar contained within it to... wait, pink-haired person, what are you doing with that—ow OW OW STOP I WILL SUE YOU FOR GIVING ME HEARING DAMAGE (A VIOLIN)
  
• And a partridge in a pear tree-loo? ...Wait, it isn't even Halloween yet, why am I now singing a Christmas song?
  
• "I got a gun! No girls, girls gotta die!"
  
• Such dishonor. Raspberry Mousse and Akira challenge Broheart to a 2v1 duel. When Broheart decapitates the high schooler to make things a more fair 1v1, however, Rasp cowardly backs out and flees! How unsightly for a knight...ly.
  
• Let it snow, let it snow, let it—oh, there I go doing it again. Speaking of snow—Whitney, what have you done?! Apparently the real President Snow was withholding far worse impostors, and now that he's dead, they're wreaking havoc! Amelia, Rose, and Jacksuo's lives have already been claimed by the creatures... oh god OH GOD I HAVE TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL BEFORE IT DISRUPTS THE EXPERIMENT ANY FURTHER—
  
• Threats successfully terminated, moving on. The karmic retribution to all alternative medicine practitioners. Bellflower, oh, Bellflower... what a fool you are. You thought your quack herbal remedies could save you? They made your condition worse, far worse, and now you have multiple horrid diseases assaulting you at once. Your death will serve as a reminder to those like you to trust the science instead.
  
• ...Well then. Laptops and cats apparently do not mix, as any owner of one would tell you.
  
• Is Brady perhaps trying to usurp that gumball machine cyborg I've heard rumors about?
  

Fallen Tributes / Backup
Ichiban, Firefox, Ford Prefect, Amy, Dio, Ferguson, a plate of cookies, Akira, Amelia, Rose Cookie, Jacksuo, Bellflower Cookie

— Dr. Nichole Cordelia Nyquist, M.D.
MAE Robotics and AI Institute