Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[Kafkaesque]

It's the end of the Games as we know them, and I feel fine.

NIGHT NINE

• Feeling good about their prospects, a large group join together to sing mass a cappella!
  
• What's this? Yoshi has been accused of a truly heinous crime! Apparently he has offshore assets held in the Koopa Kingdom as part of his infinitely complex tax fraud schemes! Treason! Blasphemy! But it's making Bowser money, so I doubt he'll complain any time soon!
  
• The latest Bloody Mary has summoned a Bloody Mary of her own! I supposed you could call this a Bloody Mary-cep... Actually, no, that meme's more ancient than this relic of a studio. Seriously, you can invest ridiculous amounts in licensing yet you have nothing to spare on my work quarters?
  
• More tributes out themselves as having terrible taste.
  
• Hm? Whatever was that? It almost sounded like a distant cry for help, filtered through the airy tones of an ocarina! But I can't pinpoint where exactly it came from...
  

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DAY TEN

• Hearing of a legendary ocarina lost to the mists of time, the Achievement Hunter Cast... wait... achievement who now? There's no tribute named "Achievement Hunter Cast" in this season! Certainly is an ocarina, though...
  
• Mr. Van Driessen's greatest secret is revealed - he's a brony! I mean, the show is brightly coloured and teaches the power of peace, love and friendship; I can see how it appeals.
  
• But... he's already anime. How does this work? Perhaps he has created a version of himself too anime for this reality to handle? In that case, I'd imagine they should be reacting with worse than disappointment!
  
• If there's one thing Doom has taught us, it's that demons and zombies are natural allies!
  
• With all the times he's helped fight Bowser, you'd think Yoshi would be decent at dodging flaming projectiles... but apparently not! Burn, baby, burn! Dino inferno!
  

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Nine remain.

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NIGHT TEN

• Have I mentioned how much I hate Lil Pump? Because every time I see this event, I'm tempted to reiterate myself yet again. And I'm sure you want to hear that even less than I want to hear "Gucci Gang" one more goddamn time.
  
• Demi is trapped in an infinite loop, doomed by her own poor grasp of Pokemon moves! Her purple bandmate from the beginning of the season takes pity on her, and frees her from the cycle with a quick, lethal magical blast.
  
• Leave it to the Childe to throw a temper tantrum, eh? Yes, I know, I used that joke again. I only have so much material to work with when it comes to Genshin.
  
• Hm. I would disagree on Vanessa being weak - unless it is her weakness of will we're talking about here?
  

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DAY ELEVEN

• Oh! Well! That buff appears to have done absolutely nothing for Vanessa! If anything, tripping over an ocarina and breaking your neck is a deeply embarrassing way to go for one who has supposedly had her powers enhanced!
  
• This again? Don't you think it's a bit late?
  
• Nightmare cannot speak, so... I suppose Neptune has learned how to swear in a language that does not exist? How fascinating!
  
• Somehow, all of Twilight's magic is no match for a garish shirt and the reek of burning cannabis! But Mr. Van Driessen gives peace a chance and leaves the princess of Equestria alive! The magic of friendship?
  

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Seven remain.

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NIGHT ELEVEN

• Late in the game as it may have been, Cecil seems determined to follow up on that bet as he finally claims a kill! And also demonstrates that he's somehow found a melee weapon capable of piercing Nightmare's armour!
  
• You hallucinate some strange things when you're opening your mind! For instance, you may perceive an ocarina as having a head, and believe it can survive having that head removed!
  
• Neptuneland? Would that not just be a SEGA theme park?
  
• Childe's vision is blurring. Could this perhaps be a sign of something...?
  
• Oh, good, you figured out how to do that.
  

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DAY TWELVE

• Oh, so that's what Childe was suffering from earlier - impending death from blood loss! Rejoice, for you will never hear me make another terrible pun on his name!
  
• Well, oh me oh my! It seems the ocarina was sentient and evil this entire time! Which... explains a lot, to be honest. Anyway! Its depredations serve to prove that zombification has made Cecil a far better person, as he gives his own life to spare others!
  
• Not exactly the most sensible experiment of Twilight's career. And, wait - aren't alicorns already immune to the ravages of time? This was poorly thought out on every conceivable level.
  

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Three remain.

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NIGHT TWELVE

• Revealing its true nature may have been a mistake on the Ocarina's part, for it's given Neptune an excuse to take action! Wielding a vast sickle, she slashes and slices until it has been reduced to elegantly painted wood chippings!
  
• Meanwhile, Mr. Van Driessen has found the Genie of Granting Exactly One Wish, Which Is To Become A Monarch! I doubt he'll have long to appreciate his position of power, though...
  

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DAY THIRTEEN

• ...and that's that! With one quick manoeuvre, Mr. Van Driessen's monarchy is abolished, and Neptune is the first winner of the Trouble Cube Hunger Games Simulator!
  

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So near, yet so far...

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The winner, in case you didn't catch it the first time.

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FIRST PLACE: Neptune, nominated by Zanreo!
SECOND PLACE:: Mr. David Van Driessen, nominated by ThatIdiotMan!
THIRD PLACE:: Ocarina, nominated by SomeLibre!
MASS MURDERERS: Ocarina, nominated by SomeLibre; and Achievement Hunter Cast, nominated by HypeKitty1!

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THE PLACEMENTS

DEATH SUMMARY

THE STATISTICS

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And with that, our first season is over! I will admit, there have been some... hiccups, but I'd say this has overall been a roaring success! May this be the beginning of a long and successful series! Until then, my job here is done... farewell...

The lights dim, until all that can be seen are the green pinpricks of Erdös's mask eyes in the darkness. Even those soon cut out, and the screen is black and silent. Roll credits.

Alright, I've done some fairly serious tributes. Now to MeeM

• Bulk Bogan (male, safe)
  
• Waluigi (male, safe)