Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[Kafkaesque]

...alright, give me a second. Hold on...

We've been off the air for HOW long?! Heavens above, hells below and assorted dimensions in between, this is unacceptable! How are we supposed to retain healthy viewing figures? Creatures bound by the conventional flow of time make up 75% of our audience, you know! They'll be right out of patience!

Now, to all those still loyally tuned in, I apologise. Time is a fickle beast around these parts, and sometimes it will toy with us, as it just did. We'll take precautions to ensure it never screws us over this badly again, mark my words. But enough talk, you've waited enough as it is! MORE BLOODSHED!

At last.

NIGHT FOUR

• And we are live, after so long! First order of business is an unlikely alliance between a demon and a recently de-powered superhero, taking turns to watch out for any intruders out to take their lives!
  
• Charles whiles the night away playing Success of Henry Stykman, the most popular video game in shoddily translated bootleg universes across the dimensions! (Or at least it was when we started. Again, time, it has been cruel to us.)
  
• Well, well, well! Oh me, oh my! A most bizarre romantic encounter, this is! But I sincerely doubt anything will dethrone Fuyuhiko/Ocarina, this season or any season.
  
• Speaking of the ocarina, the Achievement Hunters and Loona are taking painting lessons as its soothing tones play in the background! Thus is one of the darkest secrets this season holds revealed to the world - the Achievement Hunters are weebs! Loona certainly isn't impressed!
  
• "I want to eat your braaaaaaains, Expand Dong!"
  
• Well, well, well, and here I was thinking the power to survive without a head was unique to creatures of felt! Apparently you learn how to survive decapitation in the yakuza as well!
  
• Yet more truly incomprehensible romance, as Pico professes his love for the aforementioned animate plush toy, only to be rebuffed as the Camel reveals he prefers his men more on the megalomaniacal side! Shipfic writers have a love-hate relationship with this little game of ours!
  
• An extremely purple search party forms! They follow the distant sound of garbled grammar, and before long, CATS' life is belong to them!
  
• Pirate metal is a real genre, as it happens! Will I share any with you? No, because frankly, most of it is about as high quality as hardtack and grog! Just be aware it exists!
  
• But did you have time to release Deltarune? Huh? Huh?! ...come to think of it, wemay have waited that long. Curses. I have dug my own hole and fallen helmet-first into it.
  
• HGS Babies! It would be the most depraved, shocking idea imaginable to subject infants to the Hunger Games! Therefore, I'm completely on board! Imagine the sweet, sweet press attention we would get!
  
• Nightmare! Smarter than we've been led to believe, it seems! Not that that's hard!
  
• Cecil gets the gift of fresh water! I do believe he intended to give the entire town of Springfield such a gift at one point, so it's only fitting, yes?
  
• Ah, look, here's that HGS Babies spinoff we were promised! And the related HGS Seniors spinoff!
  
• And we have rolled... #149! Marianne, too, has taken lessons in how to survive decapitation! A subject they teach at the Officer's Academy, perhaps?
  
• Y. You're a pyromancer. You can create fire out of thin air. How are you... I... ugh. Let's just move on.
  

---

DAY FIVE

• Vanessa may have forgotten she's a pyromancer, but she can apparently adapt to new magics just fine! No other tribute suspects a thing of the conspicuously cybernetically enhanced partridge that follows them around throughout the day!
  
• Neptune and Mr. Van Driessen learn of all the filthiest street slang Los Santos has to offer! Jury's out on whether either of them would be inclined to use it, though!
  
• Last night, Nightmare acted quite different to what you'd expect of a monstrous Metroid opponent! Today, Crocomire is acting exactly as you'd expect of such a creature! It roars threats of dominance, slaughter, and pay-to-win bullshit to the psychedelic skies above!
  
• Childe forgets which game he hails from and constructs a snow golem, as seen in Minecraft! In his defense, is that game not extraordinarily popular with Childeren?
  
• You fools, Tamama is already the anime version of himself! But the Delta Warriors and Amanda react with horrified gasps of "WEEB" to his self-portrait regardless!
  
• Charles's idea of an "impression" of Noi is to trot out tired "no, u" jokes by the dozen! She soon tires of his tomfoolery and silences him, forever! Not the greatest plan Charles has ever had there!
  
• Once again, the older generation fails dismally to connect with the youth! Perhaps Don Karnage would have better luck if he hadn't stolen his memes from honest. hardworking shitposters!
  
• Nightmare may have been placid last night. but it seems some tributes still fear what it is capable of! At Yoshi and Cecil's request, BonziBuddy infects the cybernetic being and disables all of its offensive capabilities for a while!
  
• Afraid of mice? No, Fuyuhiko is simply worried for the safety of his dairy products! Now, invoke your love for it all you want, but I somehow doubt the ocarina will be of any use. And Loona is even less inclined to help.
  
• Trophy Acquisition's cast start stimulating discussions with Goat Mom!
  
• There's plenty water to go around, if you want some! Maybe Ice Bear can provide his own ice cubes!
  
• BEAST. DEFILER. DEMON. BEGONE AND NEVER COME BACK. THERE ARE SOME SINS EVEN THE FOULEST OF ABOMINATIONS CANNOT FORGIVE.
  
• Questioning your sanity is routine around these parts! I, too, am questioning it after the abhorrent display we just witnessed!
  
• Also a common sentiment! Think of it this way - you're less of a mess than the incompetents who died in the Bloodbath!
  
• Marianne's explorations of modern technology continue as she discovers the wonders of gaming! And she has no patience whatsoever for the trolls and other miserable low-lifes who skulk within the depths of the server!
  
• The day ends with Kennifer, who clearly has not taken Twilight's advice on the importance of boundaries in a friendship! Say, aren't vampires only able to enter a house if they're invited? How peculiar.
  

Imagine waiting so long, just to die...