Escape From Zombie Park Island 2

[PointMaid]

Well done, all of you!... those of you who submitted plans, anyway. Your creativity is much appreciated. Blaine and I have selected our favorites.

Blaine has selected Ignatius J. Reilly's plan. Congratulations, Ignatius. Very... creative indeed. My ability to pay them more than my cousin, however... we shall see, she is rather stingy so she may not have offered them top dollar in the first place. But a good job, well. Working here is a good job, is it not?

Ignatius' Plan

1. Fortify our base camp! They are an army. And if I know my cousin, she's not above physical attacks.
Offer them higher paying jobs at your island fighting your cousin!
2. Protect the animals! Who knows what they're willing to do to them.
Hire them to protect the animals!
3. Stop their march across the island.
Put up a sign saying "We're hiring you guys to not march around the island, but instead to sit and lounge with our disgusting creatures!"
4. Find me a legal reason to stall for time!
Tell your lawyer that her army is underpayed.

You must have mountains of dollars if you can run a menagerie such as this one! Make this assignment their lucky day by giving them a better job than this violent relative of yours ever could.

Myself, I like Tina Belcher's plan. Well written! Well thought out and reasoned! And it doesn't rely on stuff we don't have. Congratulations, Tina! Your enthusiasm shows again.

Tina's Plan

After writing in her notebook for a while, taking note of what Dr. Frankie said were the objectives, Tina rips out a page and hands it over. In neat, cursive handwriting it says:

1. Fortify our base camp! They are an army. And if I know my cousin, she's not above physical attacks. "Can you build a wall? Maybe out of bamboo or something because I know that's lightweight and sturdy, so you could build a really tall one. And have a couple of guards with tranquilizer guns to stop them before they try to hurt anybody."


2. Protect the animals! Who knows what they're willing to do to them. "Build pens or corrals. And make sure the animals know this is just until your cousin leaves and they don't have to stay in there forever. Maybe get them some entertainment while they're in there so they don't get bored or upset. And have somebody guard this area too."

3. Stop their march across the island. "Dig some pits and holes that can be filled in later. Somebody could really get hurt in one of those, and if they're deep enough it would take a lot of time to climb back out, too. And if somebody gets hurt badly it might discourage the others. And maybe shoot some tranquilizer darts at anybody who doesn't trip or fall."

4. Find me a legal reason to stall for time! "You said you have endangered species on the island, right? I think they're supposed to be legally protected. I don't know about the ones you're bringing back, but maybe go for the conservation angle?"

I would like to give special mention, however, to the creative submissions of Stuart and Bob and the Grover Clonelands. Quite excellent, really. I'm afraid I can't condone pouring burning lead on my animal sanctuary, however. Do you have any idea what that would do to the environment?

Stuart and Bob's Plan

1. Fortify our base camp! They are an army. And if I know my cousin, she's not above physical attacks.

"Woohoo!"

Bob has climbed up a palm tree, sending it timbering down onto a big rock, shattering it to pieces.

"Dear, god!...Wait..."

Stuart calls Bob, and they fortify the base camp by sticking the tree shards on it and around it, to both fortify it and increase its defenses.

2. Protect the animals! Who knows what they're willing to do to them.

"Hello!"

"Hey, follow me and Tim!"

Bob starts baiting the animals into following him, leading them into the protective enclosure made by Bob and Stuart using the tree shards.

"C'mere, c'mere! [light laughter]

3. Stop their march across the island.

Stuart finds the lawyers and rushes up to them.

"Hey hey hey! Wanna hear me sing on my ukulele? No? Too bad!"

He starts playing and singing Touch-Tone Telephone with his ukulele, the sick-ass moves from that one time Queen Elizabeth gave him an electric guitar leaking out as he starts going wild.

From the opposite end, Bob shows up.

"Say hi to Tim! Who are you?"

4. Find me a legal reason to stall for time!

"...fuck. We don't know much of this legal stuff."

Aka hnnng idk what kinda legal stall they'll do.

"Sorry, she's up uh...busy with 
moving money
 with our friend Dru!"

"Y-you sure it's okay to say that regarding 
boss?
"

"Hey, we're away from him! I'm sure it'd be fine!"

"Okay..."

The Grover Clonelands' Plan

Step one: The Clonelands call in the US Army, saying they need to bust up a potential strike by a union of lawyers... which while a bit misleading, isn't exactly wrong. That should hold off any attack.

Step two: They then protect the animals by setting up coastline defense cannons and minefields around the enclosures.

Step three: The next step is clear. Rain burning lead down upon the invaders, from the army and defensive weapons both, while decrying the colonialist agenda of the intruders.

Step four: Designate the island a National Park, and post signs saying as much. Then charge admission. It makes attacking both prohibitively expensive and illegal.

Congrats! Now we'll need to put these into practice...

(You can put the plans into practice. And feel free to share your submissions if they're not already here, now!)