03-17-2021, 08:18:54 AM
(Kellensea cancels action: Explore, interrupted by Ranma.)
This isn't an adventure. It's... Not. I don't have my party. I can't even consider it a solo one because there's no POINT if I have to just sit still and not kill. It's not thinking highly of myself, I'm just an adventurer. I can't convince you people to lay down and die, I can't do that at home. I'm heavily implying that I'm getting closer and closer to taking a chance, even if I risk death for it, just to feel someone die in my arms, or to watch someone fall with a bolt embedded in their chest. It's... not an addiction, really. It's just PAINFUL boredom, which I just want to END, for a bit. At very least something is HAPPENING when someone's dying, and I CHANGED something. If I just sit there, I'm not an adventurer, I'm a... a... civilian again. I HATED being a civilian, I got away from it as soon as I could. I HATE your social contract, I want to abandon it now! It's been only six days-ish, I've gone much longer... but what was implied by the host?... We're not going back home. We're going to some miserable prison dimension where I won't be able to be happy, because I won't be able to do what I've done my whole life, the only thing left that I ENJOYED. My original party, half of the other four are dead, one won't speak to anyone anymore, and the last, she's... not who she was, not anymore. My new party, they're a dumbass MORVYNITE, a fucking guild mercenary, some kid who's not even CLOSE to ready, and the kid's henchman.
Kellensea grabs Ranma by the shoulders, and starts shaking.
I HATE THEM ALL! I'm just BETTER at everything than them! They're smart, sure, they're certainly adventurers, but they're not MY PARTY. It feels WRONG every time I travel with them, work with them. I DON'T FIT WITH THEM! It can't go back to how it used to be, It can't ever go back, but if I could, if I COULD JUST DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN FOREVER, I would. It's been 21 years I've been doing this. The first ten were some of the best years of my life, but then we WON. We had to go and WIN. We retired. Zharzy goes and fucking dies too damn young, Sedriel gets shot at his funeral, and we CAN'T EVER ADVENTURE TOGETHER AGAIN. Sauthaiss goes and gets her cushy government job, gets insufferably fanatical, and now I don't... She's not HER anymore. Lansse goes off, and he won't tell me where he LIVES! It's like he just fucking disappeared into civilian life! And I keep doing this, I keep trying to recapture how it felt, I keep overthrowing governments that are causing issues, hoping one, just one, will give me the feeling that I felt when with the Agents, when I was opposing Selvan. And Always, Always, in the back of my mind, I'm wondering, if this is the time that I'll be able to FEEL again, and always, the answer is NO. I HAD FUN here, the first few days, but then you kept living and insulting me and degrading me and calling me insane, and you know the worst thing? IT'S THE MOST I'VE FELT IN YEARS! It's not GOOD, but it FEELS like something other than endless boredom.
She breaks off the grab.
...I'll find happiness somewhere. I always told myself that. "somewhere". But leading makes me MISERABLE. I can't lead, not like Sauthaiss could. The part I liked best, after the friends, was the killing and looting, but that's not... that's just not all of it! Party members are the people you spend all your time with, and there's BIG gaps between the killing and looting. I'm not going to be happy again. I'm not going to recapture it, I'm just going to fucking die in a blaze of moderate glory, but I don't WANT that. I want to be like... like Lucintsea, she... she found a way, I don't know HOW she found that way, but she FOUND it, is the point. She's easily going to live thousands of years, and she's happy. She never lost her glory, her victory, though most of what she built is gone now. And then, then, what if that way is closed? What if, because whatever happened to her happened during her final victory, I can't have that, because I already achieved that and fell from my high on it? But I NEED TO KEEP LIVING, that's what I DO. Veltirississ has me as one of her favored, so I'd be safe, if I went with her. But every year when she comes by to check on me, I tell her this, and she tells me that she can't help me with my choices, because she'd only make the decisions she already made in her time, because she isn't ME, she says that. And I keep going, I keep moving, and I keep killing, and keep taking stupid risks mixed in with hyper-caution, and I don't want to STOP, EVER. I'll be a CIVILIAN then, and I can't DO that. I NEVER could, but every day that goes by, I'm more and more convinced that the ecstasy of a real victory won't ever come back, so what am I supposed to do but throw my body at more and more things, hoping against hope that I can one day feel like I've WON again.
Kellensea breaks down into audible tears. Between sobs, she chokes out some more half-formed words, but no meaning can be deciphered from them. For once, her rapid mood swings don't seem to come by to pull her out of this... Until Bakugo opens his mouth. She flips into an utter blind rage, and stands, her body twisting in ways it really shouldn't as she gets up.
OH, YOU. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW? HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHY YOU WON'T KILL THE BEARER OF THE NAME THAT BOTHERS YOU?! THAT'S NOT EVEN A STATEMENT THAT MAKES SENSE! I've met some fucking IDIOTS in my time, but YOU! YOU ARE AMONG THE WORST!!! You VOTE for me out of SPITE, you vote for KAI out of DUMBASSERY, somehow, EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH, you MAKE. THINGS. DUMBER. Of course, your VOICE is grating as well, not JUST the words you say. I've EXPLICITLY AVOIDED CHOOSING TARGETS, but you, YOU. There's TWO OF YOU HERE. Remember the rules? REMEMBER THE FUCKING RULES OF THIS GAME? I'm giving you one chance to apologize. One chance to beg for fucking mercy. IF you miss that chance, you die. I don't care anymore. I don't care how close to the end we are. You die, and I will extract your bones and eat your marrow. So. Do I have to repeat myself, Bakugo? Because if the answer is anything other than "No Kellensea, I apologize for being a fucking aberration against the very concept of intelligence, an affront to all entities capable of thought, please spare my worthless life, though I do not deserve such mercy", or something along VERY similar lines, you are GOING to die, and I am probably GOING to get executed, but at VERY LEAST the world won't have YOU in it.
For all her talk, for how long she went on for, she seems unflagged. She has her hand on one of her daggers, another hand on a broken bit of piping, lying on the ground in the ruined kitchen, and she's already
>taken a defensive stance, in case Bakugo or Ranma should attempt to subdue her.
This isn't an adventure. It's... Not. I don't have my party. I can't even consider it a solo one because there's no POINT if I have to just sit still and not kill. It's not thinking highly of myself, I'm just an adventurer. I can't convince you people to lay down and die, I can't do that at home. I'm heavily implying that I'm getting closer and closer to taking a chance, even if I risk death for it, just to feel someone die in my arms, or to watch someone fall with a bolt embedded in their chest. It's... not an addiction, really. It's just PAINFUL boredom, which I just want to END, for a bit. At very least something is HAPPENING when someone's dying, and I CHANGED something. If I just sit there, I'm not an adventurer, I'm a... a... civilian again. I HATED being a civilian, I got away from it as soon as I could. I HATE your social contract, I want to abandon it now! It's been only six days-ish, I've gone much longer... but what was implied by the host?... We're not going back home. We're going to some miserable prison dimension where I won't be able to be happy, because I won't be able to do what I've done my whole life, the only thing left that I ENJOYED. My original party, half of the other four are dead, one won't speak to anyone anymore, and the last, she's... not who she was, not anymore. My new party, they're a dumbass MORVYNITE, a fucking guild mercenary, some kid who's not even CLOSE to ready, and the kid's henchman.
Kellensea grabs Ranma by the shoulders, and starts shaking.
I HATE THEM ALL! I'm just BETTER at everything than them! They're smart, sure, they're certainly adventurers, but they're not MY PARTY. It feels WRONG every time I travel with them, work with them. I DON'T FIT WITH THEM! It can't go back to how it used to be, It can't ever go back, but if I could, if I COULD JUST DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN FOREVER, I would. It's been 21 years I've been doing this. The first ten were some of the best years of my life, but then we WON. We had to go and WIN. We retired. Zharzy goes and fucking dies too damn young, Sedriel gets shot at his funeral, and we CAN'T EVER ADVENTURE TOGETHER AGAIN. Sauthaiss goes and gets her cushy government job, gets insufferably fanatical, and now I don't... She's not HER anymore. Lansse goes off, and he won't tell me where he LIVES! It's like he just fucking disappeared into civilian life! And I keep doing this, I keep trying to recapture how it felt, I keep overthrowing governments that are causing issues, hoping one, just one, will give me the feeling that I felt when with the Agents, when I was opposing Selvan. And Always, Always, in the back of my mind, I'm wondering, if this is the time that I'll be able to FEEL again, and always, the answer is NO. I HAD FUN here, the first few days, but then you kept living and insulting me and degrading me and calling me insane, and you know the worst thing? IT'S THE MOST I'VE FELT IN YEARS! It's not GOOD, but it FEELS like something other than endless boredom.
She breaks off the grab.
...I'll find happiness somewhere. I always told myself that. "somewhere". But leading makes me MISERABLE. I can't lead, not like Sauthaiss could. The part I liked best, after the friends, was the killing and looting, but that's not... that's just not all of it! Party members are the people you spend all your time with, and there's BIG gaps between the killing and looting. I'm not going to be happy again. I'm not going to recapture it, I'm just going to fucking die in a blaze of moderate glory, but I don't WANT that. I want to be like... like Lucintsea, she... she found a way, I don't know HOW she found that way, but she FOUND it, is the point. She's easily going to live thousands of years, and she's happy. She never lost her glory, her victory, though most of what she built is gone now. And then, then, what if that way is closed? What if, because whatever happened to her happened during her final victory, I can't have that, because I already achieved that and fell from my high on it? But I NEED TO KEEP LIVING, that's what I DO. Veltirississ has me as one of her favored, so I'd be safe, if I went with her. But every year when she comes by to check on me, I tell her this, and she tells me that she can't help me with my choices, because she'd only make the decisions she already made in her time, because she isn't ME, she says that. And I keep going, I keep moving, and I keep killing, and keep taking stupid risks mixed in with hyper-caution, and I don't want to STOP, EVER. I'll be a CIVILIAN then, and I can't DO that. I NEVER could, but every day that goes by, I'm more and more convinced that the ecstasy of a real victory won't ever come back, so what am I supposed to do but throw my body at more and more things, hoping against hope that I can one day feel like I've WON again.
Kellensea breaks down into audible tears. Between sobs, she chokes out some more half-formed words, but no meaning can be deciphered from them. For once, her rapid mood swings don't seem to come by to pull her out of this... Until Bakugo opens his mouth. She flips into an utter blind rage, and stands, her body twisting in ways it really shouldn't as she gets up.
OH, YOU. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW? HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHY YOU WON'T KILL THE BEARER OF THE NAME THAT BOTHERS YOU?! THAT'S NOT EVEN A STATEMENT THAT MAKES SENSE! I've met some fucking IDIOTS in my time, but YOU! YOU ARE AMONG THE WORST!!! You VOTE for me out of SPITE, you vote for KAI out of DUMBASSERY, somehow, EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH, you MAKE. THINGS. DUMBER. Of course, your VOICE is grating as well, not JUST the words you say. I've EXPLICITLY AVOIDED CHOOSING TARGETS, but you, YOU. There's TWO OF YOU HERE. Remember the rules? REMEMBER THE FUCKING RULES OF THIS GAME? I'm giving you one chance to apologize. One chance to beg for fucking mercy. IF you miss that chance, you die. I don't care anymore. I don't care how close to the end we are. You die, and I will extract your bones and eat your marrow. So. Do I have to repeat myself, Bakugo? Because if the answer is anything other than "No Kellensea, I apologize for being a fucking aberration against the very concept of intelligence, an affront to all entities capable of thought, please spare my worthless life, though I do not deserve such mercy", or something along VERY similar lines, you are GOING to die, and I am probably GOING to get executed, but at VERY LEAST the world won't have YOU in it.
For all her talk, for how long she went on for, she seems unflagged. She has her hand on one of her daggers, another hand on a broken bit of piping, lying on the ground in the ruined kitchen, and she's already
>taken a defensive stance, in case Bakugo or Ranma should attempt to subdue her.
I am the They who says it!