[Fin] The Murder-Free Hotel

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Uh.... OK, then, I'll take your word for it.

[wingedcatgirl]

Vivi has exited the wherever-she-was-before and returned to her room to change out of her dripping wet clothes.

Yeah, you thought I forgot about that, didn't you? Because I did, but details

[Caret]

Balcony

Bow is sitting on the balcony railing; looking down on everybody below.

"You know... I can get used to this place."

Kitchen

Fawful is meanwhile making himself a sandwich packed with mustard OF DOOM!

"I HAVE HUNGER!"

[wahoothis]

Kitchen

After five minutes of trying to open a damned bottle cap, Ranma finally resorted to desperate measures. I.e. pulling a large wooden mallet out of nowhere and raising it to strike the water bottle. Anyone around might want to move or be caught in the splash zone.

[Florien]

Kellensea slides into the kitchen, to watch the disaster and taunt mercilessly.

Ooh, the great martial artist mcpunchyman can do all this other great shit, but can't open a flask! You wouldn't last a WEEK in the wild! Hell, it wouldn't even be another adventuring party that got you! It would be blood loss caused by accidentally impaling yourself with an eating implement! Spend 14 years training, and what do you get of it? Sure, you're an okay fucking "martial artist", but INEPT AT LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE! HAHA! No, forget it, you wouldn't not only not last a week in the wild, you wouldn't last a week in URBAN conditions! You'd probably get eaten by a slightly larger than average cockroach five minutes in!

Her jibes and jabs only get worse.

I had a friend, he was a mindflayer! You know them, octopus-looking faces, some psionics, eat brains, right? He wouldn't touch your brain until it had been thoroughly disinfected and cooked to disarm whatever vile fungus is consuming it! Your flask opening skills are a lot like many companies, in that both have "limited" and "liability" in their title! I could call that flask the main gate of Veltirississchy, because nothing's ever getting through THAT bottleneck! There's a similarity between that flask and the buried vaults, in that neither will open in your lifetime! HAHAHAHA!

After her sudden switch to comparative jokes rather than direct insults, she breaks down into laughter again. Then, as it often does, her tone abruptly switches, this time to a slightly concerned sounding one.

Also I wouldn't hit it with that mallet. Water is incompressible, you'll just knock the flask in a random direction, or the mallet will bounce right off and hit you in the face.

Only to switch back to the mocking. Again.

Of course, I bet you won't listen, because your mind is like that flask! FOREVER CLOSED! HAAAAAAHHAAAHAHAAA!

Kellensea is wheezing now. It's amazing she managed to get through those quips without breaking into laughter in the middle of one of them, considering how much she clearly enjoyed doing that.

[wahoothis]

Ranma was already getting irritated at the fact a simple water bottle wasn't opening. But at least it can't get any- Never mind, here's Kellensea to come by and mock him. "Don't you have anything better to do? Like finding someone else to bother?" He growled, and slammed the mallet on the counter, splintering it in bits of wooden pieces. And as Kellensea continued to insult and mock him, Ranma eventually snapped. An okay martial artist?! I've trained my whole life, faced many deadly foes and situations, learn countless techniques that would kill most people! You don't become "okay" by that. And I'll have you know I've survived countless times in the woods on my journey. Years in fact. And I'm not just good at martial arts, but it's what I excel at!"

He goes back to trying to pull the bottle cap off with his teeth. That only succeeded in making his teeth sore. "And it's not my fault these bottle caps are on tight! Seriously, the hell do you put these on for if you can't get someone to open it! That defeats the purpose!" Ranma gripped the bottle tightly. "But this is no problem for me! Because I am Ranma Saotome! And I am a man!" Raising the bottle, he lets out a shout and bring it down. The bottle's neck hits the counter and, because rule of comedy, actually pops the cap off. And with the cap comes a stray set of water, most of it getting on Ranma and anyone else close by to be in the splash zone. Ranma stood there completely drenched with just a pissed expression on his. . . her face. Anyone who had seen Ranma before already knows his deal, but to anyone else who hadn't seen him before, Ranma went from a tall, black-haired boy to a smaller, red-haired girl with purplish eyeliner. ". . . Damn it. . ." Ranma didn't even sound pissed, just mildly annoyed.

[PointMaid]

Ruby blinks. She was over in the corner with her bagel, and yes, she saw Ranma's transformation. She decides bringing that up might be tactless, though, and not like it's any of her business.

You, ah, need help with that?

[wahoothis]

"If you mean the water bottle, not anymore. . . Unless you got a towel or something." Ranma grumbled under her breath with a sigh.

[PointMaid]

Ruby looks through the kitchen drawers until she finds a towel that's probably clean, and silently hands it to Ranma.

[wahoothis]

Ranma in turn silently took it and began drying herself, before grabbing a nearby tea kettle. She'd go to the sink, fill it with water and just calmly put it on the stovetop. ". . . It's a curse I have. . . Ironic, I know." Noting Ruby's silence, she decided to just say it.

[PointMaid]

Ruby's expression softens. She's actually glad they were okay adressing it. You do realize you're saying this to someone who's female all the time, right? I don't let it dictate what I can and can't do. In my time, there are laws about that. Nobody gets to choose what sex they are. Well, at least among humans. And then there's the difference between sex and gender and how you can have surgery and hormone treatments...

Anyway. You are who you are. Anybody who denies that or tries to make you something you're not, doesn't deserve you.

[wingedcatgirl]

"I mean, one could argue that I chose my sex," Vivi says, wandering in. "Depending on how, precisely, one defines 'sex'." She pulls a frying pan out of a cupboard and prepares to make herself a food item. "... Eorzea doesn't really bother defining the concept at all. This is pink smoke filling my head with outworld knowledge again."

[wahoothis]

Ranma just looked at her a bit confused. "No, I meant it's a literal curse I have. I become a girl when I touch cold water, and back to normal with hot water. And I don't know what you're talking about with surgeries and hormone treatments, but. . ." She gripped her fists. "Although it wasn't as bad when I first got it, I still consider this curse a burden. A burden on my manhood. And. . . If I don't become a man, I'll die. . ."

[wingedcatgirl]

"Hm, what's the threshold of 'cold' versus 'hot' water?" Vivi muses. "Is there a 'lukewarm' range that you can touch safely without changing form either way? As for hormone treatments, I know all about those myself, but I'm going to venture that you're not interested."

[PointMaid]

Ruby says before hearing Vivi with the discussion of water temperature: ...Just so I understand, you're talking literally, not... metaphorically on that dying?

Look, all I know is whatever you've got under your clothes doesn't make you any less or more you, whatever that you is. But I'm a professor of biochemistry and xenobiology, so my focus is on the physical. I've been getting the sense since I came here that some people seem to be able to do what I would call magic... or maybe their science just knows something I don't, I believe Arthur C. Clarke said something of the sort about 'sufficiently advanced technology' being indistinguishable from magic. If you are talking a literal curse, though, maybe others here are more equipped to help you with that than I am.

[wahoothis]

Ranma looked at Vivi. I don't know, it's probably just like cold water? I don't know, this curse's property is just. . ." She shook her head before looking at Ruby. "I wish it was a metaphor. When I was two years old, my father wanted to take me on a journey to train me. My mother was reluctant, and the only way he could get her to agree is by promising to raise me a "man among men." To make sure he stuck to that, she made both him and I sign a death pledge, saying if my mother feels like I haven't reached her expectations, me and my father will have to commit seppuku, with my mother being the one holding the sword. . ." The martial artist waits for the water to bowl, looking up at the ceiling. "Maybe someone here can help me with this, but I don't know if anything can undo the spring's effects."

[wingedcatgirl]

Vivi frowns very loudly. "You signed that at two years old?"

[PointMaid]

Ruby is clearly angry too. Yeah, what kind of mother would make her two-year-old sign something like that? Or kid of any age. Pledging that they'll commit seppuku for not living up to their gender expectations... No wonder you're so hung up on what boys and girls 'should' do.

[wahoothis]

Ranma lightly glared at Vivi. "I was two years old at the time. I didn't exactly have the mental capacity to realize "Oh hey, this will probably kill me if I sign it". And because of honor or some bullshit like that. . . Not the first time my old man's actions came back to bite me in the ass."

[wingedcatgirl]

"Well, yes, that's kind of my point, Saotome," Vivi says. "You didn't have the mental capacity to consent to a contract, therefore you should not be bound by it."

[Florien]

Kellensea stands there, water dripping from her helmet for a moment, listening to the conversation.

Way I see it there's a REALLY easy solution, Ranma. Kill your mom, then abandon the contract. She seems like a dick. Anyway, even if the government is out there to try to enforce this contract, if you're as good as you say, it's not like they can stop you, and the contract is abandoned the moment she can no longer hold a sword due to being a corpse. It's like, not exactly NORMAL adventurer procedure, but killing relations who "turned to darkness" is pretty... Not common, but not unusual stuff. Like, this isn't a hard problem. You could be independent, you have one person who barely contributed to your raising other than leaving deep emotional scars dead, blah blah blah, the family was the friends you made along the way, right? Blood-relations are, as I say, irrelevant. They're no more nor less special than everyone else. What matters is that you surround yourself with people who you endorse the actions of, and they endorse yours.

Kellensea shrugs. The water stops dripping. She dried really quickly apparently.

I mean, that's my stance on the matter, and for once, I don't see any objections coming up from the NOOO DON'T EVER KILL camp outside of NOOO DON'T EVER KILL IT'S ALWAYS WRONG.

[wahoothis]

Ranma sneers at Kellensea. Do you even hear yourself sometimes? I can't kill my mom, she's. . . my mom! At least she's not as bad as my dad. . ."

[SmilyCube112]

At that moment, Angel stumbles in, carrying a bottle of alcohol, and all she could say was: "Celebrate th' guid timesh!"

[Florien]

Yeah, exactly. Kill them both. Problem solved. I listen to myself, but you clearly don't. Why does it matter that they're blood relations? Not only can no one stop you, if you're as good as you say, and they're both incredibly bad for you. Presumably you have OTHER people you could work with, who aren't blood relatives, who you'd like more. And, guess what, even if you're going to take the "preserve my genetic information" route, your parents are presumably old enough that they're incapable of further reproduction, so none of your material is lost by elimination of them. There are no good arguments outside of the kind of stupid "killing is always wrong" one. I defy you to find one.

There's a muted clunk as Kellensea's coat of plates swings against a table as she makes a sweeping arm gesture.

Go unto the world! Solve your problems! Don't just wallow there in your own misery! ONWARDS, RANMA!

[wahoothis]

"I'm not killing my parents." She says bluntly, grabbing the now boiling hot tea kettle. Taking a deep breath, she proceeded to pour the hot water on herself to change right back.