Hunger Games Simulator - Trouble Cube Edition

[Whistle]

AND SO CONTINUE THE GAMES.

Ladies and gentlemen, BLOODY TOM AND HIS SPECIAL PARTS!!

MUSICAL STALLING FOR TIME INTERLUDE: "Satellite of Love" - Lou Reed, ft. David Bowie

[comes in looking like conspiratorial Charlie Day once the whole thing is finished]

WELCOME BACK TO SNL, I'M WHISTLE!! I'm sorry for my FRAZZLED LOOKS and WILD HAIR, but I had to fix a SITUATION and rectify it! Don't worry, all has been PURGED into the VOID OF THE INTERNET!! Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperies de connards d'enculé de ta mère!!

[takes an exaggerated deep breath]

anyway, here's

BATTLE MUSIC: "Wonderwall" - Oasis

i need a break. let's get this show on the road. sponsored by Trouble Cube Host.IMG, a hosting site that will not knock you dry for no reason whatsoever!

NIGHT 5
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rings

• So hold on, how come our streets are so done that Calvin gets stuck enough and four people have to pull him out? Oh right, RAIN.
  
• Tina. Not holding any bars down, are you?
  
• Del trying to drive some sort of vehicle, but it's lucky Mel swapped the tapes. Who knows what could have happened? Oh dear...
  
• Z and D! putting TJ's life on the line because they're greedy. Lucky he survived!
  
• Wy-Six has faced Kaneda's wrath one too many times. Such a shame.
  
• My names are Poncitro Melo, Miguel Junipero and Francisco Quintello Gonzalez.
  My mother was born in Mary Bahia.
  The look of Miss Tupuna
  One day he spoke to Joseph.
  I came to see Grandma.
  Her names are Sophia and Mary.
  Dude then
  

okay, the sun's rising again, nice. off too...

DAY 6
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geese

• Kaneda's gettin' SLAM!med, to the full extent of the JAM!
  
• I feel Unlucky's luck could change... pull him out of the aircrash, 'cause he's your superhero.
  
• Chiaki! No! ...Although her little tiff with Mel was a bit funny, not gonna lie.
  
• Truth or dare... how many of you are in it to get out of here? I know Z might be.
  
• Klee seems to be a Jade fangirl, huh? Say, what color are your glasses?
  
• Gi-hun, I warned you. Dusty has wonderful properties.
  
• INCOMING ALERT FROM PRESIDENT SNOW!! Calvin has been stripped of his superpowers! How will this affect him?
  
• Oh darn, it's raining again. And now Huang's blending in so well not even Neil can discern it.
  
• Oh... no... that makes a lot of sense for Tina.
  

Bang, bang. Balls on fire.

THE FALLEN
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2 deaths: Wy-Six and Chiaki
Reporting to hangar: PowerStroke6001
Reporting to my office: Kennifer

So yeah. Good night. This has been SNL. BLOODY TOM may entertain you for the rest of the summer.