Escape from Zombie Park Island

[TalesofUnder]

Yeah, that's right! We have WJB!

[Guma]

Maybe the Medic was killed right beneathe our noses. Maybe we killed them!

[Guma]

. . . God damn it.

[KungFuCutbug]

“Oh right, William. Good thinkin’, Demo.” [Pico snickers.] “Didn't fuckin’ expect the drunk-ass to be the one spoutin’ an actual goddamn strategy, but hey. Park's been full of weird shit.”

[madface7]

"Lad, do ya know what happ'ns when ya get double vision with one eye? Ye start seein' 20/20!"

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Yo, William, where you at, man? Can you protect Mrs. Mayberry for the night?

[KungFuCutbug]

“...I don't think that's how it fuckin’ works, Demo, but okay.”

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Although, with what Rouxls was saying, it does beg the question: Frankie, is it possible we can learn the roles of the deceased or is that classified?

[Kennifer]

Kim, having gone off to... oh let's say "toss her cookies", rejoins the others.

She's ready for whatever the challenge is. Or, well, she thinks she is.

"Ugh, that was fuckin' gross."

[PointMaid]

Ah... I see what you are saying, Mr. Skiggs. I suppose, I suppose.

As it happens, Hifumi, Thrivey, Google Translate, and even Dr. Coomer were Trainees.

[PointMaid]

[I will post a new challenge around 11:00am Eastern tomorrow.]

[PointMaid]

[Correction: I will post a new challenge TONIGHT ]

[PointMaid]

Challenge 4

Hello, my unhappy campers. I do hope you've had time to recover a bit from the… unpleasantness this morning.

As it happens, I'll need your help. My Titanis walleri has been poached! She's a  Phorusrhacid. I know the group is sometimes called Terror Birds for a reason, but she was confined and not a threat! (You can call her by her name if you want: Titania.) And she was incubating an egg!

I'm going to need you to tell me how you will:

1. Incubate the egg. It needs warmth if Mama is away!
2. Find the poacher with my bird.
3. Safely get my mama bird home.
4. Make Titania's enclosure poacher-proof. Apparently not even that beak and the isolation of the island detered a poacher!

[madface7]

1. Demo sits on the egg himself.
2. Demo plays the bagpipes and waits for the poacher to show, then beats him to death with a bottle.
3. He holds it gently like hamburger.
4.It's already poacher-proof, Demo will beat all the poachers to death himself

[Guma]

1. First, Rouxls took out a match and a cigarette lighter he definitely didn't steal from Susie and surrounded the egg with them to the best of his abilities.
2. He then located the poacher and threatened him with his axe, somehow retrieving the bird.
3. Next, he ran from the poacher to the best of hid abilities and found the bird's egg.
4. He made an extra-tall spike barrier and encased it with barbed wire—7 feet tall, in this case.

[MadeOfMilk]

1. Make a nest out of some fuzzy blankets, put the egg in the nest, pile on some more fuzzy blankets on the egg, and put a space heater in front of the nest.
2. Wait for the poacher to show up and shoot a nice, burning Brimstone blood beam at them.
3. Wrap mama in a fuzzy blanket, making sure to cover her eyes to help keep her calm.
4. Electrical fencing, baby!

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

1. Skiggs puts the egg in front of a heater, making sure it's not too hot for the egg, but just the right temperature to keep it warm.
2. Skiggs drives around the island in a Jeep, only stopping to search all the shelters until he eventually finds the poacher.
3. Skiggs gets into a gunfight with the poacher before putting the bird in a cage and escaping with it in his Jeep.
4. Skiggs puts the bird into a small shelter and puts it in a display case while he installs turrets that target any unauthorized persons that get too close to the shelter.

[KungFuCutbug]

1. >find a few of those red heat lamps you use for chickens and use them to warm up the egg, being careful not to use too many and overheat it
2. >manhunt the poacher and pistol-whip their skull in with your Uzi
3. >ride the bird like a Chocobo back to the nest
4. >surround the bird's enclosure in a fence made entirely out of thick barbed wire (as opposed to simply having it on the top)

[Florien]

Step one: Warm the egg by reading it a sermon filled with fire and brimstone.
Step two: Hunt the poacher by praying for guidance to their location, then walking in whichever direction seems best. Then Beat the poacher to death with the cross of gold, repelling any gunfire with POWERFUL FLEXING.
Step three: Lift the enormous bird up and carry it back. Surely there's no way that can go wrong.
Step four: Install an electoral college lock on the bird enclosure, as seen with the first challenge.

[Kennifer]

Kim's plan includes:

1. Wrap the egg in a heated blanket, making sure the heat not too warm so as not to overheat the egg.
2. Track down the poacher on foot. She's got her running shoes, she can do this.
3. Attempt to distract the poacher long enough to lead the mama bird back, using a collar and leash.
4. Construct a high fence around the egg and mama bird. And hopefully not fuck up the barbed wire this time.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

[Neglected to mention the cage I drive around with is actually a trailer that's attached to the Jeep]

[TalesofUnder]

1. Build a fire and place the egg close enough to it so it gets warmed, but not enough that it gets cooked.
2. Pursue the poacher using any cars that may be on the island.
3. Carry the bird home in an unassuming boat made to look like a cruise ship.
4. Place security cameras all around the enclosure. If someone fails to present their ID and face (to make sure their face matches up with the one on the ID), they get electrocuted.

[artsyGeek]

After waking up, Percy decides that, yeah, she might as well do the challenge since she missed a shitton during her sleep.

1. She first creates a bonfire of sorts, then placing the egg close enough to get warmth, but not to the point that it gets cooked.
2. She then pursues the poacher by foot. When she finds that motherfucker who poached an already extinct bird, she's gonna attack them with her sword.
3. She then attempts on guiding Titania back home by doing that thing where you walk next to an animal while touching its back gently to go home. (Is there even a name for that?)
4. Finally, she constructs a tall fence with barbed wires around the enclosure. For some extra safety, she adds some security cameras and a pair of zapping towers, if the poacher somehow manages to get pass the fence.

[PointMaid]

Dr. Frankie is very, very appreciative of the efforts to get Titania back. She gets on the PA system and announces the scores for those who have already attempted the job:

Tavish Finnegan "Demoman" DeGroot earned scores of 5, 4, 2 and 6 for a final score of 17. Nice incubating and protecting, both personally! Holding it like a hamburger? Not so great an idea.
Rouxls Kaard earned scores of 3, 5, 5 and 4 for a final score of 17. Well done threatening the poacher, getting the bird back, and running from the poacher.
Isaac earned scores of 4, 2, 3 and 3 for a final score of 12. The fuzzy blankets and space heater really work! The brimstone blood beam? Not so much.
Mr. Skiggs earned scores of 1, 6, 2 and 5 for a final score of 14. He accidentally cooks the egg, oh dear. But he finds the poacher quickly!
Pico earned scores of 6, 1, 4 and 5 for a final score of 16. The heat lamps really do the job! But the pistol-whipping backfires when he hits himself with the Uzi.
Bodybuilder William Jennings Bryan and his Cross of Gold earned scores of 4, 6, 5 and 6 for a final score of 21. Impressive! Even the fire-and-brimstone sermon worked, the physical heroics work perfectly, as does the, er, electoral college lock.
Kim earned scores of 1, 4, 2 and 3 for a final score of 10. She also accidentally cooks the egg. But her plan to track down the poacher on foot is a good one!
Mrs. Mayberry earned scores of 2, 6, 6 and 2 for a final score of 16. She nearly has a disaster warming the egg, and the facial recognition system works very poorly. Pursuing the poacher by car and taking our bird home in a boat work wonderfully.
Percival "Percy" King earned scores of 5, 6, 3 and 4 for a final score of 18. She judges the bonfire well, and gets the poacher on foot with her sword. She's only acceptable leading Titania home (she'll go, but not always happily), but the zapping towers work this time.

[Mr. Lee Hammer]

Ah, shit! Didn't mean to cook that egg! And I tried to get the temperature on the heater just right, too! Well, I suppose it could make for a good breakfast tomorrow...