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GET THAT PIZZA!: REBAKED
Superjohn, still falling from the last post, falls on Matthew, crushing him. Superjohn picks up the pizza and tries to call for a helicopter.
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A helicopter flies in from somewhere and Superjohn boards.

The copter flies off... but suddenly, a few dozen feet in the air, Superjohn is thrown out, fast asleep. (He probably landed in a bush or something, I dunno I'm not watching.)

"Why does he keep calling vehicles? We're just gonna keep pulling this same not-your-driver trick."

"If he keeps doing the same thing, knowing why it fails, that's his problem, not ours."

"Maybe, but it's still weird."
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for some odd fucking reason, that mannequin-corpse thing has the pizza now. the libre that's actually a human has gone missing.
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ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

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Matthew sets up a hole where Libre falls into, but not before using a fishing rod to hook the pizza for himself. He pours cement in the hole where Libre is for good measure.
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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While Matthew finishes pouring the cement on Libre, he notices that the pizza is not by his side anymore.

It turns out that Elliot has stolen it right under his nose, and has already climbed to the top of a nearby skyscraper to begin to reap his reward.
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But suddenly, Elliot's pizza was swapped out with an equally delicious decoy. The thief runs away, only to plummet to his death. Luckily, the real pizza ends up in the hands of ...
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The Pizza Police, who will protect the world from it's corrupting influence! Surely they will save the day and...

Oh.

Oh god no.

The Pizza Police have formed a union and started threatening government member's families whenever they try to reduce funding or take away the heavy military weaponry!

Luckily their incompetence and corruption causes them to lose thousands of weapons each year, many military grade. All those weapons fall into the hands of Florien and Florian, who mount a concentrated campaign of what essentially amounts to inter-gang violence against the Pizza Police, themselves little more than another gang. The Pizza Police are destroyed utterly, and atop the mountain of corpses, Florien raises a flag, and Florian hefts the Pizza high. The blood flows in the city streets, the pavement slickened by it. The casualties are enormous. But the Florie/ans now control the Pizza. Or at least they do, until...
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
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Florien and Florian are both blown away after both of them step on a land mine. Both fly away from each other as the pizza falls into Matthew's arms. He makes a run for it before they recover.
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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Unfortunately for Matt, the world itself has changed to a desolate hellscape defined by its demons and its purple sky.  It turns out it was because of Elliot, who has used a clone of Zee-Tee to evert the world to its eighth stage (it was formerly on its third), and now the demon cat was right behind him...

Elliot climbed over Matthew's body and claimed the pizza for himself, with the clone of Zee-Tee in the background desperately turning back the layers.
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Libre proceeds to devour Elliot and the Pizza all at once, but he gets stopped before the last 17% of the Pizza gets eaten.
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quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

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A mad scientist tries to clone the pizza slices so that more people could enjoy. Once he reaches 100%, someone blows out his freaking brains with a shotgun and snatches the pizza. Who could this person be?
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No one at all.

Then who fired the shotgun? It is a mystery. It will never be known... or will it?

However, Florien and Florian show up, murder Libre out of spite for his "weird obsession" with actually eating the Pizza, which is purely there to be claimed, never consumed, and then sail off into the sunset.

Then they realize they left the Pizza at the lab they broke into earlier only to find a dead guy and the Pizza, so they turn around, get the Pizza, and attempt to sail off into the sunset again. But then...
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
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"Buncha Everchase bullSHITTERS!!!"

The boat the Florieans show up in gets punctured by Libre real bad, causing them to sink, not realising that Libre took the Pizza aswell.

*monch* *monch* *monch*
E N D L E S S  F U N


quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

Reply
"For frick's sake, Libre, can you quit going against the premise of the game? Nobody's supposed to actually successfully eat The Pizza!" Robin shouts, exasperated, before clonking Libre upside the head with a golf trophy and retrieving The Pizza through time (replacing it with Krusty's Imitation Pizza-Flavored Discs so Libre doesn't will have noticed) and breaking the XIV rules again by swiftcasting Return to warp back to Novel Tea.
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Matthew jumps out of nowhere and rips out Robin's heart. He snatches the pizza out of the hands of the corpse and walks away with it, strolling out of the area cool as cool can be.
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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Commander Yammark shoots down Matthew with a coordinated assault from her drones. Sadly, she gets evaporated by ...
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Libre with RESONANT WAIL. Again.

Course the Pizza gets left unattended when he gets thwacked by...
E N D L E S S  F U N


quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

Reply
The weather. Yes, it's very hot. Like "Turns metal into a gas state" hot.

Sublimation aside, the Florie/ans are actually fine, due to wearing SPF 15 sunscreen, which is apparently enough.

They grab the Pizza, (though the box yet burns) also with the power of SPF 15 sunscreen, which is also apparently fireproof, and flee to a place which is not "turns metal into gas" hot.
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Which is when it turns out that oops, they missed their first shot. They wheel back around and push Libre into the too-hot region also, melting his flesh and charring his bones to dust, then vapor. They pick up the Pizza again and then cross back to the safe area, which is apparently located somewhere in the pacific.
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
Reply
Unfortunately, Superjohn was waiting, capturing them in his giant whale looking submarine. John takes the pizza from them, and orders his henchmen to load and stuff Florien and Florian into a missile, lauching them into Florida.


But afterwards, a alarm goes off...
May chaos breaks the rules that bind!
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The last thing Superjohn hears is the alarm right before a big, bright, blinding light envelopes him.

Outside a giant mushroom cloud forms as it exploded where Superjohn's sub used to be. Then it reveals it was Matthew in a Metal Gear who launched a nuke at the sub. Everything in the area was instantly vaporized, except miraculously the pizza as it flies out of the air and lands on Matthew's arms. He walks away with the pizza in his Metal Gear. But then, he sees a shadow...
I like bananas. They're yellow.
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who twists his neck so hard, he experiences a out-of-body experience. The thief absconds with the pizza before getting crushed by the underwater pressure. You should have protected against that, moron. The pizza floats to the surface, where it is retrieved by ...
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Libre.

"Y'all bunch of Everchase bullshitters!"

*monch*

...

"Fuck it, this is the shittiest tasting pizza I ever had"

The Pizza is then left unattended in the ocean.
E N D L E S S  F U N


quote list
ENTITY SUCCUMBED; INVALID

She's got three murders under her belt, views are gonna be skewed

Reply
Terry has just arrived at the Tempest Fortress in null space, Pizza box in hand.

One of the many, many monitors shows a partially-*monch*ed pizza floating forlornly in the ocean somewhere, and he smirks. "Yeah, that's the wrong pizza," he says. "So glad we learned that ninja-swap trick."

He sets out romantic candles and prepares to consume the pizza with his one true love, but...
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Terry Bogard sues the hell out of Terry for sharing the same name. How incredibly petty. Terry Bogard receives the pizza as compensation, but he gets mugged by ...
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A MUG.

Yes, a mug, thrown at high speed from a cannon specifically designed to launch mugs. The hypersonic-gas gun which fired it shattered the thing though, so it's more a "high velocity collection of pottery shards" than a mug. Terry Bogard is shredded, slashed, impaled, and generally fatally wounded by the shards. The Pizza, as always, is unharmed, and Florian takes the Pizza while Florien reloads the gun, in preparation for the next attack.
Shill for Weetabix
Political Scientist
But Still Cool.
(Probably.)
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